Gratitude is what Laura communicates lots of in today’s birth story as she shares the story of a well-supported metamorphosis into motherhood — her matrescence. Laura’s story is another pandemic birth story in which she equipped herself and her partner with birth doula support early in pregnancy and then also hired a great postpartum doula to support her for several weeks afterwards. She shares how, while the birth didn’t play out totally as she had hoped, it was still a positive experience largely because she had great support and received respectful care. Then in postpartum, only 9 days after birth, she and her husband start having Covid symptoms and find out he tested positive while their birth doula was visiting them. She describes some details of that challenging time. Finally, Laura shares how her eyes were opened to some of the terrible racial injustices and disparities that exist in our maternal health care system and how she wants to do her part to effect change.
Resources:
Raychel Franzen & Kori Krysh - doulas
To learn more about the Black maternal health crisis and the immense need for change, listen to these stories or visit the links in the show notes to each episode:
Natal - another podcast that shares Black birthing stories (IG @natalstories)
Sponsor links:
Birth Matters NYC Childbirth Education Classes (Group & Private)
Episode Topics:
Switching to Dr. Paka & midwife Sabine Jeudy
Asking her midwife about doulas, hearing about NYC Doula Collective
Taking class early on in 2nd trimester
During pregnancy: Having nausea at first, lots of fatigue
Went a week past the due date
Water breaks while cuddled up with the dog
Tells her husband, texts the doulas
She was GBS+ so she calls doctor’s after care hours number, knowing she was going
No one in triage
She wants a private room so Jacob requests upon arrival
Dr. Paka says by phone they could wait 12 hours to see if her body starts contracting on its own
Resident who’s there agrees with Dr. Paka
Doctor on call wants to start induction
They’re staying in touch with Raychel by text for the meantime
Administer pitocin around 4am
Wanted to have mobility, which was hindered by continuous monitoring
Got maybe an hour of sleep, by 7am contractions are very strong
Text Raychel around 9am
Using lip trills to keep her mouth and jaw loose
Counting helpful (up to peak, down as it was declining)
Bending over bed to cope
Raychel arrives in morning -- first time to meet in person
Getting a lovely back massage
Getting the epidural around noon with Jacob allowed to be there supporting her
Was quite numb and shivering lots soon after and for most of the time
Having someone in the room with you (doula)
Doula supports her by encouraging different positions
Starts feeling pressure, sign of pushing stage
Raychel preps her for the possible scenarios about what might about to happen
A doctor she hasn’t met comes in and doesn’t pressure her at all
Laboring down for a couple of hours
Pushing in several different positions, including squatting bar, being given lots of flexibility
Feels the burning sensation / ring of fire, feels baby’s head
Thinking she’s so beautiful as well as wondering if she’s ok
Getting stitches due to some tearing; this is painful
Feeling immense gratitude
10:25pm Jan 25th birth day/time
Doing skin to skin
Delayed cord clamping and bath
Having Raychel’s support in getting breastfeeding
Doula’s great advice about how to deal with potential hospital pressure to supplement
2nd night they had private room but Jacob wasn’t allowed to use the 2nd bed due to Covid protocols
Had slight jaundice that went away without needing treatment
Being ready to go home
Hiring Adriane as a postpartum doula
Developing symptoms of Covid soon after coming home, despite how careful they had been
Jacob tests positive and then Laura tests positive, too
They had been with their birth doula and postpartum doula (and recently with mom, too)
Adriane switches to doing some virtual care
Mentioning misunderstanding oxytocin to be an opioid in her cloudy labor state of mind
Matrescence, poem
Interview Transcript
Lisa: Hi Laura.
[00:00:00] Laura: Hi Lisa, how are you?
[00:00:02] Lisa: I'm doing great. Thank you so much for being on the show today to share your story.
[00:00:06] Laura: Oh, of course. I was delighted that you asked. Thank you.
[00:00:10] Lisa: Laura and her husband, Jacob, took class with me, I think back in August?
[00:00:15] Laura: Yeah, August.
[00:00:18] Lisa: And you did it earlier in your pregnancy.
[00:00:20] Laura: I was 16 weeks for our first class. So I wasn't even at the halfway mark when we finished. 16 to 19 weeks, which is a long time ago now it seems like, but we're so glad we took it when we did, because it really did inform every decision we made going forward. So I am so grateful for that.
[00:00:36] Lisa: Well, great. Well maybe we can talk about that more in a little bit, but first, why don't you introduce yourself a little bit?
[00:00:42] Laura: Sure. My name's Laura Sievers. My husband, Jacob and I live in Manhattan. We live in Tribeca. I gave birth to our daughter Philippa on January 25th.
[00:00:54] So from the time that we're recording this, it was two months and one day ago. And I work in fundraising and the performing arts, nonprofit in New York City.
[00:01:04] Lisa: Performing arts, my heart!
[00:01:07] Laura: I know. It's just so wild, like last week. Well, I think for everyone, people were really noting like March 13th, 14th, 15th is like the anniversary of all of this.
[00:01:19] And the last time I was in my office was March 13th and much like the rest of the world. We thought we were going to be gone for two weeks. And I think about all the things that are still in my office, just waiting for me. Like so many shoes under my desk and just other, like things that I just do not need right now, but I just like, wow, I'm sure they're collecting a lot of dust. But yes, we're very hopeful that you know, as the vaccine continues to roll out and things get safer that we'll be back. Cause that's such a huge piece of New York City, culturally.
[00:01:49] Lisa: Yeah. It's a big part of why our family lives here to begin with.
[00:01:53] Laura: Absolutely. I mean, me too. And then also I work in the field, so it's, it's just yeah. Crazy time. But we're hopeful.
[00:02:03] Lisa: Can you please first talk a little bit about how your pregnancy went and what were the various ways, how did you choose a care provider? Were there any things about your pregnancy in terms of the health of it that played out in the way you were pregnant and gave birth? You know, how did you find out about doula support? How did you find my birth class? Any, any on all of that nutritional changes? There's so many things.
[00:02:29] Laura: Sure, absolutely. So, this was my first pregnancy and I am very much a planner. So it was something that we had given a lot of thought to before we even started trying.
[00:02:40] So in terms of picking my OB, I was working with an OB for a few years in the city that I just didn't really feel a big connection to. I would just go for my annual appointment. And then her office unexpectedly closed. She just closed her practice a couple of years ago. So I was like, Oh, I need to find a new doctor.
[00:02:57] And I thought to myself, well, whomever I pick will hopefully be the doctor that I have my first baby with. So I worked with a wonderful doctor through Mount Sinai named Dr. Renuka Paka that a very dear friend of mine had her first baby with. And what I liked about Dr. Paka's practice was it's just her and a midwife who is named Sabine Jeudy.
[00:03:16] And I saw both of them throughout my care. And working with a midwife for all the prenatal stuff was great. Just because of course, obviously she has such a knowledge. And they, I feel as though they just have a very different approach. Although I must say that Dr. Paka has a very like low intervention, more, I don't want to say natural cause I feel like that's the, I don't like that word in terms of childbirth, but yeah, I don't either.
[00:03:40] She has like a very like low intervention approach, which is more or less what I wanted. So when I found out I was pregnant, it was in May of 2020 in New York City. So the height of the pandemic And we were honestly so excited that the pandemic was something that was a factor, but again, we had nothing else to compare this to.
[00:04:01] And I heard about doula work specifically. It was something that I had thought about for a while. I didn't know anyone that worked with a birth doula, but it was something that sounded very appealing to me. And at my first appointment, I think I was maybe seven weeks pregnant. Sabine, the midwife, one of her first questions was, "Will you be working with a doula?"
[00:04:19] And I said, "Well, I'd really like to; do you have someone you can recommend?" And she referred me to the NYC Doula Collective which is amazing because they work on a sliding scale of pricing and you sort of fill out a form with where you're giving birth when you're due, how much you are comfortable spending, and then they send you candidates that you can then interview.
[00:04:39] We had three interviews, two with two kind of doula pairs, and then one individual woman. Everyone was incredible. We ended up hiring the team of Raychel Franzen and Kori Krysh and I'm so grateful that we did it because -- I get emotional, just even thinking about it because that was one of the first decisions we made.
[00:04:58] I think we hired them when I was maybe nine weeks pregnant, nine or 10 weeks.
[00:05:03] Lisa: Really early; that's great.
[00:05:04] Laura: Again, I'm a planner, I'm an anxious person. So I like to have things booked. And we met Raychel physically in person cause she was who ended up attending our birth. But they were with us through the whole process.
[00:05:16] And any question, literally, any question I had, they could answer. And they actually recommended that we take a birth class, which is how we found you -- with Birth Matters, which we took, as we were saying, I was 16 weeks pregnant. Everyone else in the class. I remember one family, they were due in like five weeks.
[00:05:33] And then I thought about them a lot this fall, like by the time I finally had my baby, I was like, "Wow, their son is four months old. But it was good. Cause like I said, it really informed a lot of decisions that I made going forward. And the format of the class, as opposed to like reading a book was amazing.
[00:05:48] Cause it was something that Jacob and I could experience together in real time. And we were both hearing the information at the exact same time and all of your amazing visuals and models, et cetera, were just enormously helpful. So thank you. It was really just a very, very positive experience. I actually, again, because we took it so early reviewed my notes like the week before I was due and I'm so glad I did. Cause there was a lot of info. And it's just nice to have stuff fresh in your mind when, when you're actually in the moment.
[00:06:19] Lisa: Yeah. Cause that's usually people's argument for, "Oh, I don't want to take it yet. I want to take it in the last few weeks," but it's a trade-off, right? Because if you are a planner and a researcher and you really like to take deeper dives into different topics that I always provide extra resources on, then you're not going to really have time to do that. And yeah, that's great. So that you were able to go back and review your notes, so that whatever you needed to freshen up on was still fresh hopefully.
[00:06:44] Laura: So for us, that's like what I've told friends that are expecting and also again, cause of the pandemic, what a blessing that we could take it from our living room because if I had done it later and been very pregnant you know, those last few weeks we didn't, I mean, again, there was a pandemic, but we didn't leave our home much just because things were getting a little uncomfortable for me.
[00:07:03] So just being able to be home in our environment and get all of the info was just so, so valuable. So I highly recommend that people take not just a birth class, but yours was sensational. So thank you.
[00:07:16] So, but my pregnancy was good. It was a healthy pregnancy. Definitely dealt with nausea for the first about 16 or so weeks. But I felt good. Like I was definitely tired. I didn't have a ton of energy the way some pregnant women say they do. I had a, definitely a better sense of my body than I have at any other point in my life, which was very special. And again, that also makes me emotional, just because there's so many changes.
[00:07:46] And in some ways you don't recognize certain things and that's overwhelming, but at the same time, I really trusted that this was a process that not that was just happening to me, but that I was an active participant in. And that just felt incredible. Like I knew by the end that I was going to really miss feeling the baby move.
[00:08:07] And while I feel her move now, obviously outside, there is just such a special sacredness to that. So I felt very lucky and very well cared for, by both my husband and by our providers and our doula. I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude my entire pregnancy. Yeah. Which I carry with me now in this postpartum world.
[00:08:29] But that was the single biggest takeaway from, from being pregnant and from giving birth was gratitude. Yeah, yeah.
[00:08:38] Lisa: Can I ask a clarifying question about Dr. Paka's practice? Because it's changed over time? So with Sabine, does Sabine attend any births or only do prenatals?
[00:08:49] Laura: Great question. She now is only doing prenatal. She retired from births. I think she told me her last time even in the hospital was like in May 2020. So by the time that I was giving birth she had not, she blessedly had not been in the COVID fray. Yes, but it was, again, even though she wasn't attending the births and I knew the other thing with too, with Dr. Paka's practice she works with a few other doctors, so I didn't know who would be on call when the big day arrived. But I felt, even though I had not met any of the other providers, I knew that they all kind of shared her philosophy. Which made me feel good because I knew very likely that I would want certain medical interventions, but I didn't want to be pushed in any one direction.
[00:09:32] I wanted to really kind of make decisions in the moment, even though I like to plan in advance, that was one thing that I knew would probably present itself as it was happening.
[00:09:45] Lisa: Thank you. Well, so is there anything else you wanted to share about the prenatal journey before you jump into the birth?
[00:09:51] Laura: I don't think so. But if I do, I maybe will come back to it.
[00:09:55] Lisa: Yeah, yeah. You can weave it in.
[00:09:58] Laura: I feel very lucky, like I said, that it was healthy and perhaps if I have future pregnancies, perhaps we will not be in a pandemic. So that will probably be a big--
[00:10:07] Lisa: Wouldn't that be nice?
[00:10:08] Laura: Right? Exactly. So like going into my appointment with a mask by the end and it felt very normal, honestly. And again, I just felt really, really grateful that even in a pandemic I was so well cared for, which is not the case. I know for, I mean, I feel very privileged that that was my experience. So that's been a big theme for me this past year is just how grateful I feel for the people that took care of us.
[00:10:32] And were literally risking their lives by still showing up to work. And that I could just come in, you know, for an hour or less, most of the time in a mask and then leave. And they were so careful and so appreciative that they all still came to work.
[00:10:49] Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. Big sacrifices.
[00:10:52] Laura: Yeah, absolutely. So I was very fortunate that I was able to start my maternity leave a month before my due date, which was right around the Christmas holidays. So I had a really nice few weeks just home with my husband. Blessedly, we were able to see my parents in a very safe way toward the end, which was great. And I ended up going a week late. So when my due date arrived-- my due date was on Martin Luther King day. I remember this because I was supposed to go in and see my OB on my due date, but the office was closed. So I saw her on the 19th.
[00:11:27] So I was one day late. And my pregnancy was not complicated, the baby was moving fine. She was in a great position. We knew it was just a matter of waiting. And one thing I was so, so grateful to Dr. Paka about was that she did not pressure me to have a scheduled induction. And that was definitely something that I did not want based upon what I had learned from your class.
[00:11:50] My goal was to spontaneously go into labor. So I was a day late. I was in her office and she still was not even talking about an induction, which was wonderful. Like never pressured me. Our feeling was we're just going to wait and see. The same, sadly, cannot be said of the ultrasound clinic in that I went in for my final screening to see the baby.
[00:12:12] And because of COVID, they were doing so many increased screenings. And so of course they would ask me symptoms. Blessedly, no. And then how many weeks are you? And when I told the woman at the door that I was 40 weeks pregnant, she kind of freaked out. And I was like, "No, it's fine. It's totally fine." So there was a lot of--
[00:12:30] Lisa: You're having to comfort her.
[00:12:31] Laura: That was one thing that surprised me was that outside of Dr. Paka and our birth doulas, everyone else seemed very alarmed that I was past my due date, even though I know so many babies, especially for first time moms- -
[00:12:45] Lisa: First time, yeah. So common.
[00:12:47] Laura: So that was a bit of an emotional thing. And actually also in terms of friends and family, I mean, God bless everybody who checked in, but by the end it was getting tough of just like all the texts. Like, "Have you had the baby? Have you had the baby?" And I felt a lot of pressure to have this baby because I knew people were waiting.
[00:13:03] Lisa: I can't remember if I said it to your group --and you would have been a great person to say this too, because you came to class so early is like, maybe don't tell anybody your due date, just tell them the due month. Because it can be so stressful. You feel like that watched pot that never boils, right?
[00:13:19] Laura: A thousand percent. I learned, cause I've definitely been guilty of that with friends, you know? Like, and of course it's so lovely to check in and see how someone's doing but by the end it was-- and then I felt a lot of pressure, especially if it was coming via text to reply, because I didn't want people to think that I didn't reply because I was in labor or worry.
[00:13:40] So blessedly, the baby finally did come. I went to bed on a Sunday night and I was due on a Monday. So I was now six days late. I went to bed on Sunday night. My husband was still up. He was in the other room. I was cuddled up with my dog and I think I was either about to fall asleep or I had just fallen asleep and I suddenly felt this gush of warm water.
[00:14:03] And so my water had broken. And I feel like you said this a hundred times in our class that it normally does not happen like in the movies where it's a big gush of water. And of course that was exactly what happened to me. And the first thing I did, I told my husband, and then I texted our birth doulas.
[00:14:23] So we had a system where once I hit 37 weeks, they were on call 24/7 and the plan was text them. And within two minutes, Raychel did reply and said, that's great. Do you want to talk? And so she called me, I think she asked me, "Did it break in one big gush?" The answer was yes. Like, "Is it colored?" I think, no, it was just clear or there was no, any sign of meconium or any sign of blood. But I had tested a few weeks earlier with group B strep, I was positive for it. And so I knew from your class, and I also knew from my doctor that if I tested positive, they were going to ask that I go into the hospital immediately.
[00:15:02] So I was a little disappointed that my water broke first. Cause my hope had been that I could labor at home with our doula for as long as possible. So immediately that was not going to be an option, but honestly I was a week late, so I was pretty ready to go. So then I called first my doctor's office or her after care hours cause it was in the middle of the night. And I knew that they were gonna need us to come in right away, but I also knew that their urgency did not need to be my urgency and that it would be okay if we took some time thanks to Lisa, I knew that.
[00:15:33] Lisa: I love that; that's a quotable. I'm gonna borrow that one.
[00:15:38] Laura: I wasn't having contractions. Like I felt fine. My water just kept breaking. So it was very messy. And the irony too, was that I had called and then it took the doctor like an hour to call me back.
[00:15:49] So it was like clearly not in a rush. So Jacob and I eventually did drive to the hospital. I was delivering at Mount Sinai West. So it was just that time of night. It was like a 15-minute drive from our apartment. And one of the other things that really gave me a lot of anxiety in advance was the thought of having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night because of parking.
[00:16:09] But because, again, I was not in active labor we were able to park at a garage across the street and I could walk in. Like I was, Jacob was so sweet. He kept being like, "Are you okay? Are you sure?" I was in no pain. I was just gushing amniotic fluid. But, but otherwise, yes, exactly. Multiple times I was like soaking wet by the time we finally walked in the door, but it was totally fine.
[00:16:30] Also because it was the middle of the night, nobody was there. Nobody was in triage. Which was another thing that I had really been anxious about-- having to wait in triage, because I know in New York City, that that does sometimes happen; that you have to wait. Thank goodness we did not. But the number one thing for me, other than wanting to have a healthy, successful birth in terms of the hospital was I desperately wanted a private postpartum room.
[00:16:55] The thought of sharing a room with someone immediately after giving birth was really overwhelming to me. And again, what a place of privilege that I'm coming from, that that would even be an option. But I made my husband memorize the instructions for how to get a private postpartum room at Mount Sinai West because it's not promised. So that was first thing we asked when we walked in the door. And then we just kept asking it. So, but I'll get back to that in a minute, but when I tested positive for group B strep, Dr. Paka had told me in her opinion, assuming everything else with the baby is fine, I'll be admitted to labor and delivery, and then they will let me wait before they intervene with anything, which had sounded really good to me. Because as I said, I was really hoping to avoid an induction.
[00:17:40] Lisa: And did she quantify that? Did she say we'll let you wait x number of hours or--?
[00:17:44] Laura: Yep, 12 hours. She said they would let me wait 12 hours. So I was very optimistic that even though my water broke and we were in the hospital, that I was going to get to go to bed and then wait and see what happened in terms of the contractions. So the doctor that admitted me was an incredible resident and she told me the same thing.
[00:18:03] She was like, "I think we can let you wait. You and your husband can go to sleep. And then we'll just reassess, you know, later in the morning when the sun has risen." So I was like, great, this is exciting. So she stepped away for five minutes and she came back and she said, so the doctor on call actually wants to start an induction.
[00:18:21] And I was like, "Okay." And thanks again to your class. I knew what kind of the various options would be. And also, I should mention that during this whole time, we were actively still in touch with Raychel via text. She was not going to come to the hospital until there was really something for her to do.
[00:18:38] So I texted her, "They want to induce me, they want to do Pitocin." And she said, "See if they'll do, and I forget the medical term, forgive me. The alternative to Pitocin.
[00:18:51] Lisa: Are you talking about Cytotec or Cervidil?
[00:18:53] Laura: Cytotec. That was what she said. See if they'll do Cytotec..
[00:18:56] So I asked the question once we were in labor and delivery and I was informed that in fact, Pitocin, they feel is the least invasive of all of the options because they can turn Pitocin off. And so I said, okay, that's fine. So they administered the Pitocin probably around 4:00 AM. Labor and delivery is obviously private, so it was just Jacob and I in the room.
[00:19:19] But because they were doing Pitocin, another thing I had really hoped for was that I could be mobile through as much of labor as possible. But because of the Pitocin I needed to have full-time fetal heart rate monitoring. So that was another thing that we had really hoped that we would get, that we didn't get.
[00:19:33] Lisa: And they didn't have wireless. I don't think they do there.
[00:19:36] Laura: They didn't have wireless. And it was cumbersome. I mean, it was fine, but it was a little cumbersome and a little bit of a bummer. Just because right off the bat, like two of the things that I had really kind of hoped for were just not going to be an option. And I should also mention that working with our doula, our birth doulas, was great because they really encouraged having a birth preference sheets that you bring with you to the hospital.
[00:19:55] It's not a birth plan, but it's a preference sheet. And so already two of the, two of my big preferences were like not an option, which were intermittent monitoring and no induction. But again, we're just kind of rolling with it. I must say that I didn't feel pressured by the staff.
[00:20:12] I mean, the Pitocin was just like not an option and the monitoring was also not optional, but there was a lot of kindness with the way that those things were kind of delivered.
[00:20:22] Lisa: Question on when you said the doctor on call wanted to start the induction, did they tell you why?
[00:20:30] Laura: You know, I don't think they did. And I think it was the middle of the night and I just kind of said, "Okay." Yeah, I think I just keep mine because, you know, I think it might've been because I was a week late. But who knows? Maybe they just told me that, like, there was a big overwhelming medical reason. But I was not in a position to for lack of a better word, really fight them on it.
[00:20:53] I felt like, "Okay, this is fine." And I also, because we had Raychel, I felt even though she wasn't yet at the hospital with us, I felt like we will have someone in our corner soon that can, if anything else goes left, she can really kind of explain and help us advocate. So we did manage to get maybe an hour of sleep.
[00:21:12] And then by 7:00 AM, my contractions suddenly started and they were suddenly pretty strong which was a shock to one system because I was going from feeling nothing to feeling very intense contractions. And one of the first things we talked about in your class, Lisa, that really stuck with me was this whole idea, this whole scientific-ness of oxytocin and how the oxytocin is what is making the contractions happen.
[00:21:41] And it's also what is helping your body deal with the contractions. And I remember when you said that it makes me kind of emotional, because when you said that in class, I just was like, "Wow. Like the body is amazing that it can, it puts us through this and yet it also helps us through this."
[00:21:59] So unfortunately with Pitocin, you get the contractions, but you don't get the oxytocin that helps you deal with the pain. So I was in pain pretty quickly. So we texted Raychel probably around 9:00 am. By now, we'd been at the hospital about seven-ish hours. I had been having pretty intense contractions for a couple hours.
[00:22:21] And Jacob and I were managing them pretty well. Another thing that I found absolutely fascinating from the pain management part of your course was talking about how the pelvic floor is directly kind of related to our mouths and our jaws. I studied music in college. I was a voice major. And so I spent four years doing a lot of lip trills and perfecting them. And then once I, I graduated, I didn't do them anymore. So I did so many lip trills while in labor. Those
[00:22:48] Lisa: Going back to your training, your vocal warmups.
[00:22:51] Laura: Oh, I am really using this. This is great. That was my go-to for kind of relaxing after the contractions and while the contractions were happening. Even when they had kind of first started, I would count.
[00:23:04] This has kind of always been my way of dealing with being in kind of intense pain is counting until they started to peak and then I would count them down. And I would count really slowly. So I would maybe get to eight seconds and then 10 seconds and 12 seconds. And then as the contractions got more and more intense, I found I had this like inclination to kind of bend over.
[00:23:26] So I was just like, I was standing up next to the bed and I would just kind of collapse my torso onto the bed as much as I could with a very big belly and then I'd come back up and it's really amazing when they're done there. You're not in pain anymore. So you can kind of be normal for the next, I don't know, minute and a half between the two.
[00:23:45] So they just got more and more intense. And Raychel arrived, I think, around 10:30 and both Jacob and I were just so happy to see her. Again, we had been talking to her for seven months and finally meeting her in person was really exciting. And of course we were all masked, but yeah, I was just like, "Oh, hi, I know you and yet I've never met you before."
[00:24:06] And I remember at one point, I think Jacob had to step out of the room for a second. And Raychel, just like, didn't even ask. I think she just reached out her hand and I just like grasped her hand through the contraction. And then from there I felt like the three of us were really all in it.
[00:24:25] I'm not a person that usually likes to be massaged. I don't know why. I just that's not usually my go-to for comfort or for pain, but she, at one point, after a contraction gave me this lovely back massage and it was so, it was like a spa treatment. It was just so nice and calming. And like I said, the pain was pretty intense pretty quickly.
[00:24:49] And it was obviously only getting, getting more and more intense. And so Raychel told me with Pitocin don't ---if I, if I knew I wanted to get an epidural, which I was open to and felt so informed about because of you, that she said, if you do want one with Pitocin contractions, don't wait until you can't stand even one more.
[00:25:11] Wait until you think you can't stand 10 more. And I think that was because they weren't going to be getting any easier. So yeah, and I felt very supported in the decision to have an epidural. I think a lot of times when I was telling people we were working with a doula, they assumed we were doing a home birth.
[00:25:29] And obviously the doula has no agenda. Their agenda is your agenda. They're there to help you and--
[00:25:36] Lisa: A good doula doesn't have an agenda. There are doulas out there who do have agendas and I don't recommend them.
[00:25:42] Laura: Yes. We were working with beyond a good doula. Like she was just incredible. And I felt so supported in just knowing that. And that was actually something we talked a lot about in our pre-birth chats together was that I didn't want to be in so much pain that the birth experience was really negative. I wanted it to be a semi positive experience. And for me, I figured that would likely include pain management. Yeah, so they at first I had thought that I wanted to be examined before getting the epidural.
[00:26:16] Cause I wanted to know how many centimeters I was. And Raychel said to me, she said, "Is it really gonna make a difference?" And it was not because quite frankly, I was in pain and I'm so glad again, there were so many things that day that she said to me that I'm just so glad she did. And that was one of them.
[00:26:30] Because I got the epidural. Jacob was able to stay in the room with me, which was great. I know that that's not always the case. But he was able to be there with me, which was really good. Cause I had some very intense contractions while they were happening while they were administering it and I was able to stay still. Cause he was there.
[00:26:47] Lisa: And was Jacob or was Raychel, were they allowed to ever leave the room fully?
[00:26:54] Laura: Yes, they were. At this time they were allowing people to go out of the room. Cause I think once I got the epidural Raychel really encouraged Jacob to get some food.
[00:27:03] So I think he ordered some like a sandwich from a deli or something and then he had to go down to the hospital lobby to grab it. But yes, Raychel had to leave the room.
[00:27:11] Lisa: I thought maybe they sent her into the bathroom. Cause that's what they've been doing a lot, you know, what to do less stuck in the bathroom together a lot of the time.
[00:27:18] Laura: Maybe she was in the bathroom. I think she was in the hall, but she might've been in the bathroom. That's so funny.
[00:27:22] Lisa: There's no reason you would've been observing that or noting that necessarily.
[00:27:25] Laura: She went away and then she came back. Again, I was just so grateful that Jacob could be in the room with me.
[00:27:30] And it's really amazing cause that thing kicks in quickly and pretty immediately I felt better. I am someone that's very sensitive to anesthesia. Not that I've had it a lot, but even just getting fillings with at the dentist, I'm always a little loopy.
[00:27:45] So having this level of anesthesia was a lot for my body. So I was pretty numb, which I obviously knew I would be, but it was kind of a strange sensation. And then I was shivering like pretty seriously kind of within the like five minutes after getting it, like through the end. Which was a little weird.
[00:28:07] It wasn't scary though, because I knew it was normal. And, you know, I wasn't paranoid that it had gone wrong. Like I knew that everything was fine, but I was shivering so much that it was hard sleep.
[00:28:19] I just couldn't really fall asleep cause it was, it was like this strange sensation the whole time. So I was able to rest certainly, but that did surprise me. And another thing that I would say, even if you are having a medicated birth, having someone in the room with you that has been through so many births is such a blessing.
[00:28:41] This was my first birth, obviously this was my husband's wife's first time giving birth. So we had never attended a birth is the moral of the story. And Raychel made sure that even with the epidural I shifted positions at least every hour so that things still progressed.
[00:28:57] And also pretty quickly after I had the epidural, they examined me and I was only three centimeters dilated. And again, I think if I had known that before getting it, I would have felt discouraged. I don't know why. I think that that's a conversation that people have like, "Oh, I made it eight centimeters. Oh, I only made it two centimeters," and, I don't know,
[00:29:17] Lisa: It shouldn't be a competition, right?
[00:29:19] Laura: Exactly. And so I think that had I known that I probably would have oddly felt pressure to kind of push through, but because I didn't know that I did what was best for me in the moment. And I'm glad that that was the case. And yeah, so that was a positive experience.
[00:29:36] And so I think the epidural was administered around 12 or 12:30 in the afternoon. And then truly the rest of the day was just kind of waiting. Like you can't be mobile, obviously when you have it. Which I knew of course. And yeah, we just had a bunch of really nice, very long conversations just about life.
[00:29:56] And I was so interested in you know, Raychel's work and how she got started as a doula. And you know, what they've experienced during COVID, because I think for a while she and her partner, Kori were just doing virtual care, but they'd been back in the hospitals since May, and this was January. So they'd seen a lot of changes and I should also mention that in triage because of COVID both Jacob and I had PCR COVID tests and Raychel also had to have a PCR test and mine and Jacob's results came back negative pretty, pretty quickly, probably like six-ish hours later.
[00:30:31] I don't think Raychel's test ever came back. I think like to this day, I think they lost it quite frankly. To this day, we did not get her COVID test. But we were all in masks the whole time and we're very, very careful. So the day just kind of progressed, just waiting, like having, I kept asking her to look at the monitor and tell me, like, what, what do you think is happening?
[00:30:52] And it's just wild because like so much is happening in your body, but yet with the epidural, you just don't feel it. And I think it was probably around like six or seven in the evening that I started to feel a lot of pressure just like, and it happened gradually and yet quickly at the same time.
[00:31:08] And so we notified the nurse on call and also, too, obviously labor is long and you see a lot of different nursing staff come through. I think we had at least three shift changes and I just have to say, I was just so incredibly grateful to the nursing staff. You know, they've been doing this a long time, under very difficult circumstances and they just made me feel so cared for. It makes me so emotional to think about just because again, like not everyone gets that. And I just feel really, really grateful that nobody was unkind. Nobody was not willing to explain things. Everyone was really just so supportive. And just incredible. And so the doctor that was going to be on call when I delivered, I had never met him, but I knew of course he was part of my doctor's team.
[00:32:03] And one of the nurses said, okay Dr. Lee, his name is Dr. Harry Lee is going to come in in a minute and I will never forget this. Raychel got down next to me. She like lean crunched down. So we were kind of face to face. I was in the bed obviously. And she said to me, "So the doctor's going to come in in a minute. This is going to kind of go one of two ways. One: he's going to say take all the time you need, we're not in any rush. Or he's going to say, okay, let's get started with pushing. And she said, do not let him or anyone else pressure you. This is totally your timeline. Sorry. And I'm so grateful that she did that because it's just an example of, I would not have known that those two scenarios could be the case.
[00:32:52] Jacob would not have known. We had never been in this space before and blessedly. He came in and it was the former. He was so lovely and just said, you know, "Take all the time you need. You let me know when you're ready to go." Which was great because I think they checked me again and I was eight centimeters.
[00:33:10] So had I started pushing, it would have been very futile cause we still had a ways to go. So a couple hours go by and the pressure's just building. And I said to Raychel, I said, "Okay, I really think it's time." And Dr. Lee came in pretty quickly. And he stayed in the room the whole time, which I don't know how common that is.
[00:33:31] I think it maybe depends on what else is happening on the floor. So he, he was in the room the whole time and it was him and it was actually the doctor that admitted us in triage who was a very lovely resident. And I remember Dr. Lee's nurse that specifically worked with him for pushing was this wonderfully lovely woman named Mariah.
[00:33:50] And it's so bizarre because all of a sudden the room fills up with people and, you know, the room's not huge and pretty much all day, it was obviously Jacob, myself, and Raychel, and then people coming in and out. But then once it was time to push, I feel like in my mind there were like eight people in there probably were eight people in there, but I'm not 100% sure.
[00:34:11] Lisa: It feels like a crowd, right?
[00:34:12] Laura: It feels like a crowd. And it's so funny because I know that the lights were, we had kept the lights off. And obviously it was well into the evening, so it was dark outside. So we kept the lights off all day. And I know the lights were on because they have to be on when you're pushing, but in my mind it was dark in the room.
[00:34:29] Which is so bizarre. But I think it was cause I was so very focused. And one thing that I learned from your class that I had asked my OB about a number of times was if I have the epidural, when it comes time to pushing, can I be in any position I want, or am I going to have to be on my back?
[00:34:48] And she had told me whatever you want is what we'll do. And Dr. Lee blessedly, same thing. He said, whatever you want. So I started on my back.
[00:34:56] Lisa: That's not very common. Not common enough.
[00:34:59] Laura: Yes, totally. And by then I was definitely feeling a lot of pain, not contraction pain, but just so much pressure that it was very painful.
[00:35:08] And by then too, I still felt really shaky, but I could feel my legs. I must've been able to feel my arms too, but I, I was starting to feel things, so I don't know if that was just because of where the baby was or if they turned down the epidural. I don't know. But I was, I was definitely feeling things, which is very important when it comes to pushing, because otherwise you are pushing with no knowledge of what's happening.
[00:35:31] So I started pushing on my back. And then I think we switched to my side and then I was able to squat and use the birthing bar. And then I went back to my back. I pushed for an hour and a half and for me, it was the most painful piece of labor. I felt like it was productive because, you know, they told me it was, they told me like, this is it; keep, keep leaning into that feeling. And I remember so on my right side, it was Jacob and Raychel, Jacob was closest to me. And on my left was Mariah and I think another nurse and Dr. Lee, and one thing that Dr. Lee was doing was he was, he had his fingers basically like in my vagina, like saying push into this. That was so helpful.
[00:36:19] Lisa: Good.
[00:36:20] Laura: As uncomfortable as it was, it was so helpful because it gave me something to focus on. And I felt like he was really an active coach through the whole thing, which was very empowering. And also, I remember I asked Mariah, I said, cause I was having a hard time timing the pushing with the contractions.
[00:36:38] And I asked her, I said, can you look at the monitor and just tell me when to start. Cause I was guessing when to start, cause you're kind of supposed to push with the contraction, but I was doing it too early. So then the contraction would continue beyond the push. And that was just incredibly painful.
[00:36:54] And I was feeling just so much pressure and, and pain, both in my vagina and also like in my tailbone, I felt like, like in my rectum, like just pain, a lot of pressure. But I felt again, so supported through that whole process. And I remember by the end I could tell that it was progressing. Cause then there was like a burning sensation.
[00:37:13] And they did have me reach down and feel the baby's head, which was like wild. As you said, it would be, it was squishy. But when she did come out, it was like a surprise to me cause it. It didn't feel, I don't know. I couldn't differentiate like between she's here. She's almost here.
[00:37:30] But when she did come out, my immediate first thought was that she was so beautiful. And then my second thought was, "Well, is she okay?" Because she was kind of purple, which I know is normal. And--
[00:37:46] Lisa: But we're still not used to seeing it.
[00:37:47] Laura: Totally. And my husband, the way he talks about it, he says that when she came out, he had never seen anything so shiny in his whole life. Cause I guess there was like a light on her and she was gooey, so she was kind of reflective.
[00:38:02] Like I just loved this idea that she was like this, this like bright, shiny penny that came out and she was just this shiny thing. I was so focused while I was pushing that, again, I thought she was so beautiful. "Is she okay?" And then I just kind of was like in this fog and I had a little bit of tearing, so they immediately tended to that. And that was quite painful, the stitches, but again, I just kind of like let it pass. And then the second feeling I had was just gratitude.
[00:38:33] And I felt like, so kind of out of it and exhausted that I was having a hard time like speaking. But I think I did manage to squeak out like Dr. Lee, just thank you. Like thank you so much. And of course, you know, similarly with Raychel, I just felt so grateful to her. And just very lucky that we had that support from such a lovely person.
[00:38:54] And I know that every year-- this makes me so emotional-- every year on Philippa's birthday, I'll think about her. I really will. Do people normally cry this much on your podcast?
[00:39:08] Lisa: You are so welcome to cry. It's a monumental, enormous life event. So it makes sense. Yeah.
[00:39:17] Laura: I'm a very emotional person anyway. So obviously,
[00:39:20] Lisa: And you're still only two months out.
[00:39:24] Laura: And really hormonal still. Yeah, very hormonal. But I do. I'll think about Raychel every year on her birthday, because it's just such a wild relationship. Again, only met this woman in person that day. She saw my entire body, like and yet--
[00:39:41] Lisa: At your most vulnerable, yeah.
[00:39:42] Laura: Exactly. So yeah, so the baby came out and she was born at 10:25 PM on January 25th. So I feel like 25 will maybe be a special number for her. And I was able to do skin to skin, of course, which was really important to me. Blessedly, she was totally healthy. And on our birth preference sheet, one of the things that you had talked about in class was making sure to ask to see the placenta, which we did.
[00:40:07] And actually the doctor that showed it to us, it was so sweet. She was like, this is the sack your baby was born in. Isn't that amazing? And I was like, yes, and I don't want to see it anymore. It's quite gross. That was really nice. Cause I know you had said that sometimes they, they don't do that. And then God forbid, you know, it's not all out or something.
[00:40:25] So the fact that they were not only happy to do it, but then very excited to kind of give us a tour of the placenta--
[00:40:33] Lisa: Maybe a little too excited.
[00:40:34] Laura: A little too excited. But it was all good. Like you know, we chose to delay the baby's bath. We did delayed cord clamping, but that's all of, nowadays, like maybe a minute, three minutes or something.
[00:40:45] It was quick. And then within the first hour, I did want to try and go ahead and breastfeed. And having Raychel there, that was tremendous because I was still feeling a little physically, like out of it from the epidural and the baby, obviously newborns are small. She was six pounds, three ounces.
[00:41:03] And that feels so very tiny. So trying to like maneuver her just felt like a little foreign. And we were having a really hard time getting her just to open her mouth. So latching was not happening within the first hour, which I knew was very normal. But it's still a little unsettling just because you hear, I had heard over and over again, how important that initial feed is.
[00:41:27] And another thing Raychel said to me, it was one of the last things she said before she left was, "Do not let them pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do in terms of feeding this baby. If you can't get her to latch just hand express colostrum and feed it to her with a syringe." And--
[00:41:47] Lisa: Excellent advice.
[00:41:47] Laura: It was so-- thank God she said that because we did end up going into the postpartum unit and couldn't get her to latch. But because Raychel had said that I asked and they said yes. So back to the private room, which was really important to me, for whatever reason, the hospital at this current juncture, when I gave birth with their COVID protocols was not allowing anyone to have a private room.
[00:42:15] I think it was a staffing thing. And we asked and we asked, but because we tested negative for COVID, we were not going to be getting a private room. So that first night. I think it was around midnight or 12:30, so like 24 hours and obviously very exhausted, very emotional, just like I'm holding this tiny baby, I'm in a wheelchair being pushed in.
[00:42:35] And we had a roommate that first night who I found out subsequently had had a C-section about three days prior. So she was recovering from a very major surgery. She chose to have her baby in the nursery, but we knew we wanted Philippa with us. And at our hospital, the postpartum rooms do not have a place for the partner to sleep.
[00:42:57] And we hadn't really discussed what we would do if Jacob didn't have a place to sleep. And it was late, it was 12:30 and we just kind of looked at each other and he was like, "Well, I'm not leaving." And so I said, "Okay, well, do you want to share my hospital bed? It was kind of like being back in college, like sharing a dorm bed, really small.
[00:43:21] And it was very hot in the room. So we shared my hospital bed. The baby was right next to us and her little plastic bassinet. And it kinda hit me at like one in the morning. It's like, "Oh my God, like, I'm so exhausted. I'm feeling a little gross physically. And there's a stranger on the other side of this curtain. And this is not really what I had envisioned, but we're here and we're going to make the most of it." And I think we were able to make the most of it because again, the nurses in postpartum were amazing. They were just amazing. And the gratitude I feel to like the four or five women that we worked with in the 48 hours or so maybe 36 hours that I was there were just phenomenal and anything we needed, they were there with. And so positive, so kind. And our roommate ended up being discharged the next day. So the second night we had the room to ourselves, but again, because of COVID cleaning protocols, Jacob was not allowed to sleep in the other bed.
[00:44:25] So two nights we shared that little hospital bed. And we just were like, "Okay, well, we'll just look forward to being home." So we stayed in the hospital for two nights again, because I gave birth so late at night. It was really just like a day and a half, but two nights. And I remember the pediatrician that was on call looking at the baby, was this unbelievably sweet woman. And I worked with two lactation consultants while we were in postpartum. And again, because the baby was small, she had a little bit of jaundice, which they actually didn't tell me, which to be honest with you, I'm pretty grateful for, because I think I would have just stressed about it.
[00:44:59] But the jaundice improved, which apparently doesn't always happen, but they were very delighted by. So I forget, they told me like when, when she was born, it was like a five and then it was a three, which I don't have any medical background. So I have no idea what that means, but I think that's what they kept telling me.
[00:45:16] But anyway, it was a good thing. Like when I told her a pediatrician that she was delighted, so her jaundice improved kind of on its own, which was good. And we were really excited and ready to go home-- the second morning, we're like, okay, ready to go home. And we knew that no one would be in our apartment when we got home, it was just going to be us.
[00:45:37] My mom was in New York, so she did come by that first night. And the next day we had a postpartum doula joining us. One of the things that I find really interesting about doula work is that it's very niche and very specific. So Raychel and Kori were birth doulas. So they were with us through our whole prenatal journey and then obviously the birth.
[00:45:59] And then I knew I wanted support in the aftermath, but I didn't want a more traditional baby or night nurse, largely because I know that with those contracts, they often don't leave your house. They're with you 24/7 and I just kind of wanted to have some of the time just Jacob and I and the baby.
[00:46:20] So when looking into what were our care options, the term postpartum doula came up and Raychel & Kori, again, this was early on in my pregnancy said, let us look into who we know from our network who might be doing in-person care. And the first name they sent us was Adriane Stare. And yesterday was her last day with us. And I was so sad when she left. But we knew from jump it was not gonna be a super long contract and I just am so grateful to her. She was there the next morning. So we'd been home with the baby for less than 24 hours. And she walked in the door and just for the next eight weeks, provided such tremendous support, answered every question, had a resource for everything, fed us, like cooked very delicious meals from just literally whatever she found in our fridge, which was so great. And also, I feel I'm a very social person and I am a person that processes things by talking. And because of COVID having been home for by now, it's been a full year, not really having face-to-face friend interactions, having Adriane in our house two days a week.
[00:47:29] The last thing I wanted to do was take a nap. I just wanted to talk to her. And just feeling like I had this person that was like, going to answer every question, was going to reassure me, was going to problem solve with me, and would just talk to me about like anything was such a gift and a joy. So we're so, so, so grateful to her.
[00:47:51] I told her as she was leaving that if I have a second baby and we still live in New York and she is still a postpartum doula, she is going to be with us because I can't really imagine not having her with us again through this time. And also quite frankly, getting to have her be with our daughter.
[00:48:08] I mean, Phillipa's eight weeks old and she's seen her from the time that she was three days old.
[00:48:12] Lisa: Like an adopted aunt.
[00:48:15] Laura: Totally. And just like the thought that, and I know that's how this works. And similarly with Raychel, I mean, Kori hasn't even met her in person. Like these people come in and they're so helpful and then they're gone because it's just the way that that goes.
[00:48:29] And I never, once when they were gone felt abandoned or anything, I just know that's the nature of the job. And also for us, the postpartum was particularly challenging because even though Jacob and I tested negative for COVID in the hospital, unfortunately we tested positive when we came home.
[00:48:45] We'd been home for a day and he started having symptoms. Of course thinking we had COVID was the last thing from our minds. We both just thought we were sleep deprived. His symptoms were a sore throat and mine started the next day with pretty intense nasal congestion. And I had had a lot of girlfriends who had babies in a pre-pandemic world who got very sick within the first few days of their baby's life, because I think you're exhausted and your immune system is compromised. So I just thought that was what was happening. I thought, "Oh, I'm just getting a cold."
[00:49:16] Lisa: Plus being in a hospital does expose us to things.
[00:49:21] Laura: That's very true. And in this case we were masked, I would say 90% of the time in the hospital, we had just tested negative. The vaccine had been available for a while for medical professionals. I don't even remember what prompted Jacob to go get a test. But when he got that phone call that he was positive, it was like everything kind of stopped. So part of our contract with Raychel and Kori was that whoever attended our birth would do one postpartum follow-up.
[00:49:48] So it was nine days after giving birth; it was a Wednesday. And Raychel was in our apartment when Jacob got the call. And we were masked but I felt so terrible that this woman who had just been there for us and like had given us this incredible gift of support and her kindness that we then exposed her, I felt so guilty.
[00:50:11] She could not have been more gracious about the whole thing, Adriane, too. Because she had been with us. So we'd exposed my mother, Adriane and Raychel, like three very important women in my life at this moment. And thank God, none of them tested positive.
[00:50:26] I tested positive the day after Jacob, because we figured, well, he's positive, I've gotta be positive. And of course then the immediate concern became the baby. And when he got his positive test, they told him, you need to socially distance from your family. And he was like, I have a nine-day-old baby and we live in an apartment. Like how, how is that going to happen? So that first night he slept on the couch in our living room and I was with the baby in our room. She's been in a bassinet in our room with us. And I just thought to myself, I really hope I'm positive too, to be honest, because the thought of us having to distance from each other with this baby was impossible. And blessedly, we didn't get so sick that we couldn't care for ourselves or for her. She never had any symptoms. And our pediatrician had told us, you know, because she's so tiny and new to the world, obviously, if she gets a fever, regardless of COVID, you need to be going to the ER. So we knew all that. We were frantically taking her temperature, like every few hours, just out of anxiety.
[00:51:29] And we were wearing masks with her. Breastfeeding and a mask with such a tiny new baby was really challenging. And of course, then I was so deeply worried that I was emotionally scarring her. Cause she couldn't see my face. Yeah. But our doctor reassured us. No, the baby is still, she can hear you. She can see your eyes.
[00:51:46] If you're far enough away from her, you can take off your mask. Although who knows how far a newborn can see at 10 days old? Right? Not far. So that was just like a really bizarre moment in time. Blessedly, I had a family friend who's a doctor who I had called a few times who just was kind of talking me through things.
[00:52:06] And he kept saying, he was like, "Someday, you're going to laugh about this." And while I do not think I'm going to laugh about it, I do look back on it even just like seven weeks out from this experience of like, that was a wild curve ball to have with such a tiny baby. And even through that, we were so supported by both Raychel and Adriane.
[00:52:25] They checked in on us every day. I think Adriane and I FaceTimed a few times as like part of virtual care. Yeah, it was just like any question, anything that came up, we were able to still get answers and support. And again, I feel incredibly privileged that we could afford to have this kind of level of care.
[00:52:44] I know that that is not a given and especially in a pandemic, people are very isolated from family or other networks that are kind of built in to help. And also in our culture, of course we don't live in a village. We don't group breastfeed. There's no like you know, that level of kind of the whole birth experience is so different in our country and in our culture, but yet feeling like even through a screen I had support was invaluable. Yeah.
[00:53:14] Lisa: So thankful to hear that you had such amazing support.
[00:53:18] Laura: Yes. And again, like. I, you know, I take COVID very seriously. We believe we got it from the hospital because we'd been nowhere else, but I do feel so thankful that our symptoms were on the mild side. And that the baby never got sick. Because goodness, that would have been really scary.
[00:53:33]Cause I don't really even know what we would have done if we had to isolate from her. Like, would we, we couldn't have brought her back back to the hospital. Like we can't just drop off the baby and be like, "Can you take care of this?" So again, it could have been so much worse and we knew that in the moment.
[00:53:48]But, but still when Jacob got that phone call that his test was positive, it was just like freeze, like panic. And Raychel got out of the apartment within like a minute, thank God. And again, she and my mom all continued to test negative. Nobody ever contracted it. That would have felt terrible.
[00:54:06] But as Raychel and Adriane said to me multiple times, "This is a risk that we assume in the work that we do. And we know that this is not anybody's fault. This is not within anyone's control. This is the nature of this disease and this time." They had each had their first dose of the vaccine. So I do really wonder if that kind of protected them. So again, we were wearing masks, masks really do work, thank goodness. So, yeah, and now we're eight weeks in-- again, yesterday was Adriane's last day with us and just will forever be so appreciative to her just for everything. She's just a lovely person and so knowledgeable and had me wearing that baby. That's her she's so, so like knowledgeable about it and yeah, and I just, I feel very empowered because she set us up to do it on our own, which was the goal. Again, never pressured us, everything was, what do you feel comfortable with? What is your gut telling you? We are 100% on our schedule doing it our way, how we want with this baby. Which is not to be negative toward, you know, a more traditional or structured baby nurse situation.
[00:55:16] Cause again, what an incredible skillset and support. For us, I just, I wanted to feel like we could do it on our own. And I do feel like that some moments, you know, it doesn't feel like we're doing the best of jobs, but you know,
[00:55:31] Lisa: All of us have many of those moments.
[00:55:33] Laura: And as Adriane kept reminding me, that is just parenthood and that is what being a mother and a parent is that, you know, this is the rest of your life. And feeling like we had such tremendous care from jump was beyond. So when I reflect on my pregnancy and birth, and then this immediate postpartum, the big word is gratitude, which is beautiful and a blessing and again, a huge privilege. And this whole year has really highlighted privilege in a way for so many people on so many levels. And it's really just kind of given me a lot to reflect on about how can I be supportive of other communities that are not supported, like, especially the, just the fact that you know, black, maternal health and America, especially in New York City is just unacceptable. I can't remember the statistics, so please feel free to add that if you know it off the top of your head.
[00:56:30] Lisa: Yeah, Black birthing people are 12 times as likely to die in childbirth in New York City. And then in the U.S. it's also bad, just not as bad it's three to four times as likely to die in childbirth as non-Black people. Yeah, it's, it's, it's got to change. We need to do a lot of advocacy and a lot of work to change many aspects of our maternal healthcare system.
[00:56:54] Laura: Clearly, it's just, again, it's made me feel so grateful and also just what can I do? And you know, with, at the end of the calendar year, my husband and I decided to make a few charitable gifts. And one of the organizations that we made a gift to is the National Birth Equity Collaborative.
[00:57:11] Lisa: Oh, good. I'm so glad you heard about them.
[00:57:13] Laura: I think I read about them in the New York Times this fall, and I just, it really resonated with me obviously as a pregnant person. And I feel, I'll be honest, I feel a little bit guilty that I didn't necessarily think about these things before getting pregnant and becoming a mother and giving birth. And it's something that I try to bring up in a lot of conversations now with people. Because it's really important. Even though I didn't get the private room, we were so well taken care of, and that is what matters in the end and not everyone has that.
[00:57:42] And that's devastating. And also most of the women in the hospital, the nursing staff, they were, a lot of them were women of color. And both my midwife and my OB are women of color and they just took tremendous care of me. And I'm just, I'm so grateful. And again, just feel incredibly privileged and want to pay that forward in any way that, that we can going forward, just because it's not the experience that everyone has and that's, that's not okay.
[00:58:15] Lisa: Thank you. I'll be sure to link to that organization in the show notes for this episode.
[00:58:20] Laura: They do incredible work and it's just really given me a lot to think about. Working in fundraising. I could see myself maybe down the road shifting to working for maternal advocacy and maternal health. Cause it's just so important and it's something that people need to be talking about. And doing something about.
[00:58:39] Lisa: Yes, yes, yes. So many yeses. Well as we start to wind things down, are there any other things you haven't gotten to share that you would like to share?
[00:58:49] Laura: One kind of funny thing actually is that in reviewing my notes from your class in the days leading up to giving birth, when looking at the different types of pain management that are available, obviously reading all about epidurals.
[00:59:03] And I had in my notes that some hospitals will offer opioids of some sort for pain management and that kind of freaked me out. And so that was like in my mind. And so I'm laying in the room. They had, they were just about to administer the Pitocin, the lights were off in the room. And I see out of the corner of my eye, this, this IV bag that I'm going to be getting. And it said oxytocin on it. But in my mind, I converted it to Oxycontin and I was like, "Oh no, am I like," and then I kind of freaked out because I was like, wait, that's like a very serious opioid.
[00:59:40] And so the nurse came back in and I said, "Can I ask you what's in that IV bag?" And she goes, "Oh, this is the Pitocin." And I was like, "Oh great." And she was like, "Is that okay?" And I was like, "I just saw oxytocin and I thought like Oxycontin. And she was like, "Oh God, no." She was like, "No, it's just says oxytocin."
[00:59:59] Cause it's the synthetic form of-- anyway, it was, I was like, "Oh good." Just as this, like, I kind of laughed to myself because like, obviously it was not a giant bag of Oxycontin, but it--I think I was just very out of it already. It was the middle of the night. It was like, we were about to have this baby.
[01:00:16] The other thing I want to mention is that in your class, at the last, like the very end you read us this beautiful poem about motherhood and talking about transition. And I thought about that poem when I was in transition. And I think right before we were about to push, we were like waiting for the doctor to come in.
[01:00:36] I just kind of took a moment and I've just kind of cried to myself because it's a huge moment. And it's a moment that you wait for your whole pregnancy. And blessedly, we, you know, we were very lucky with our fertility that it wasn't a long fraught, difficult process like it is for so many families.
[01:00:57]But still it's a long, you know, pregnancy is almost a year of your life and you think about your baby and just knowing that you're about to meet her is very special. So I think, I hope you read that poem in all of your classes because I forget what it was called, but it was beautiful. And I thought about it at that moment of just like, yeah, not only are we, are we finally going to get into feed our baby, but both for my husband and I, we're going to suddenly have this new responsibility as parents and trying to give ourselves grace through that because it definitely is challenging. It's a challenging transition. And a word that I've heard recently, that's very much resonated with me because I'm in it is this concept of matrescence. Did you know that know I was going to say that?
[01:01:44] Lisa: Yeah, I did. I did, because several things you've said, I almost said it myself. Matrescence.
[01:01:50] Laura: It's such a good word. And it sounds like adolescence because it's about the physical and emotional process. It's doesn't happen immediately of becoming a mother. And how fraught and yet how beautiful that process is. And it's a word I'm going to start using in my life and using with friends.
[01:02:06]Because yeah, it's a big transition. And even though, you know it's going to be a big transition, when you're in it, it's very different. And so, yeah, I just, I heard that word a couple of weeks ago and I've been saying it to myself a lot.
[01:02:21] Lisa: I've started using it more in class recently. Once you understand what it means, it really resonates, especially once you're experientially in it.
[01:02:34] Laura: So. I think this whole process has definitely given me so much perspective and again, gratitude is the big word for me.
[01:02:43] Lisa: Well, thank you so much, Laura. This has been just a joy to hear how well-supported you were what, you know, smart choices you made and also your growing awareness of these different issues that we face in the maternal healthcare system. I'm really encouraged to hear all of those things.
[01:03:01] And I wish you so much joy as you continue through this, you know, you're getting close to the end of the fourth trimester, but not quite there. I'm sure it's still very challenging. It's always, always going to be challenging. Parenting is at any stage, but these first three months, especially are super intense. So just know I'm with you in spirit and I'm here if you need anything.
[01:03:25] Laura: Again, so appreciate everything I learned from you would just encourage anybody to take a birth class and yours particularly was incredible. Thank you for bearing with my very intense emotions. I mean, I'm sure when people relay their stories, they get emotional because it's, it is so emotional. And, but it feels good. It's nice to not hold back just how appreciative I am and just reflect on what has only been two months. And yet, I can't believe it's only been two months.
[01:03:55] Lisa: Right. It's that weird paradox of seems like it's molasses and yet like, then your daughter's going to be like 15 before you know it.
[01:04:03] Laura: I know, I know. And it's funny cause I feel like I remember that entire day, like minute by minute which is not the case for most days of my life, but obviously most days of my life, I don't have a baby for the first time. Of course you remember it. But yes, I felt supported, informed, grateful, even when things didn't go the way exactly we wanted just knowing the science behind everything and knowing that we were still empowered again, like I said it was not an emergency, nothing was an emergency.
[01:04:36] And thank God. I'm very grateful. I know there are a lot of very real, very scary emergencies and we did not have any of those. The COVID thing was our big curve ball and as hard as it was it's behind us. And that's kind of, kind of all I'll say about that.
[01:04:53] Lisa: It's still probably a little bit of emotional processing.
[01:04:55] Laura: Yeah. Yeah. And the thing for me also when we got the positive test was I was very afraid that it was going to rob us of the joy that we were experiencing in those early days. Blessedly, it didn't. We still had moments of a lot of joy. And even though I wanted all the support and in-person care, just being me and Jacob for those 10 days in our apartment with our new baby and our dog were, I don't want to say they were magical because they were not, they were stressful, but they were very important. Cause it was our first time as a family and it was our first family crisis, and we got through it.
[01:05:31] Lisa: Right out the gate!
[01:05:32] Laura: Right out of the gate. And we got through it and thank God we got through it. And I know that we're young and healthy. Thank goodness, but not everyone who's young and healthy that gets this disease, you know, doesn't have mild situations like we did. So again, just gratitude with a very big capital G.