Following an early pregnancy scare, Taylor proceeds to have a healthy pregnancy. Feeling frustrated when she passes her due date and isn’t showing much change toward going into labor, Taylor tries all the things to start labor and avoid induction. Once her water breaks, she has a super efficient unmedicated birth in which she labors at home for as long as possible until she starts feeling pressure and arrives at the hospital just in time to push and give birth. She and Joey share how educating themselves made a big difference in not feeling the need to rush to the hospital when her water broke, and how her empowering birth experience has awakened an interest in moving into birth work.
Resources:
Small Things Grow Homebirth IG & Substack blog (Robina Khalid)
Sponsor links:
Free “Pack for Your Best Birth” Packing List (with free mini-course option)
East River Doula Collective (find a doula, attend our free “Meet the Doulas” event)
Birth Matters NYC Childbirth Education Classes (Astoria, Queens and virtual)
*Disclosure: Links on this page to products are affiliate links; I will receive a small commission on any products you purchase at no additional cost to you.
Episode Topics:
Deciding to get pregnant after several years of marriage
Scary visit to ER with side pain, thinking she had an ectopic pregnancy
Have to go back every 2 days because it’s too early in pregnancy to tell if it’s ectopic or not
2 days later, hormone levels had changed so much that it was reassuring it wasn’t ectopic
Lots of morning sickness, had to go public sooner than planned with students
Went past her due date of May 12, feeling discouraged
Sunday the 15th, her mom brings flowers, dates and castor oil, watch blood moon eclipse
Got in bed, did Expectul meditation app
2:50am - in bed, feels an internal pop and immediate fluid escapes, water breaks
She tells Joey, who was still awake doing thank you notes from baby shower
She goes back to bed but contractions start soon after
The contractions come every 2 minutes very quickly, has to get out of bed
Turns on tv in living room, only thing not annoying is The Golden Girls
Pacing back and forth during contractions is what works for her
Rocking on all fours in bathroom, feeling sick
About 7.5 hours into it, she wants to go to hospital
As Joey is showering and getting ready to leave, she starts feeling a lot of pressure and feeling urge to bear down
Feeling urge to push in car
They pull up to hospital and staff tell Joey to leave car running
She’s offered an epidural and says yes, but then they do a cervical check and she’s 10cm!
Hospital staff was good about taking Taylor’s lead in pushing
Baby’s born after 30 minutes of pushing
She pushes placenta out; a staff member accidentally drops it all over the floor
Felt quite good after birth, not even too sore
Joey’s reflections on seeing Taylor give birth
Taylor experiencing postpartum anxiety and getting support from her mom
Breastfeeding challenges, causing anxiety
At 4-month appointment, Evie wasn’t gaining enough weight
Pumped for a while, but ultimately recently stopped because she was getting very little volume and it wasn’t worth the work
Quit her teaching job, working for Birth Matters & East River Doula Collective
Interview Transcript
Lisa: Today I have some very special guests . Taylor and Joey. Hi Taylor and Joey, how are you this evening?
Taylor: Hi. Hi. We're good.
Joey: How are you doing?
Lisa: I'm doing great, thank you. You just put little Evie down, didn't you?
Taylor: Yes. Yeah.
She's going on six months, Six months on Wednesday.
Lisa: Such a fun age. So, Taylor and Joey are my niece and nephew in-law. Is that what we would say?
Taylor: Sure.
Lisa: I'll say nephew. Just nephew. Could you just introduce yourselves for a moment?
Taylor: Sure. My name's Taylor Breard and this is my husband Joey. And we are a different story because we live all the way in Texas. So , we're a little outside the normal NYC group--
Joey: Howdy.
Taylor: That you have on. So Let's see, what else. We've been married for seven years and I was a high school English teacher, and I'll talk about that later. And then,
Joey: Well, I'm not the birth giver here.
Taylor: No.
Joey: Hopefully I have some input though. Do my best. I do a lot of digital artwork
Lisa: Great. Thank you. And we already said how long ago you gave birth. So you've been parents for several months now. You've had a chance to settle in and heal quite a bit and recover but be kept on your toes a lot, right?
Taylor: Oh for sure.
Joey: We got past those first few weeks. That was the toughest.
Taylor: Feels good now. Finally feel like we have a routine.
Lisa: Nice. Well, can we get started by sharing a little bit about your journey of conception and or pregnancy and the different ways that you prepared for your journey into parenthood.
Conception Journey
Taylor: So we decided we were gonna start trying for a baby. It was actually a couple days after my sister's wedding where we had the discussion. Was there something that triggered that for you? Cause I mean, I was ready, like year one of marriage. I was like, I'm fine with that. but we wanted to wait a little bit longer.
So was there something that made you decide?
Joey: Honestly, I just turned 30 and I think I was starting to feel a little old, so I was like, okay.
Taylor: Yeah. So, we had that conversation. I cried because I was so happy. I was like, are you serious? And it was funny cuz I think like the day after we had that discussion, you guys were still in town for Payton's wedding and we were in Waco and you had actually
Lisa: At Baylor. I was just thinking about that because I was like, I think that was that trip. What?
Taylor: Yeah. And you asked, you were like, I don't wanna be that person that asks when y'all are gonna, and I was like, I don't know, we're just..., We literally the night before had that conversation.
Lisa: No way. I am literally this moment learning this. I did not know that until now.
Taylor: Yeah so I was dying. I was like, I know something you don't know.
But yeah. That was that. Were you gonna add something?
Joey: I was just gonna say, I'm glad that we waited a while because it was just us for a good amount of time and I think we had some fun and got to know each other very well.
Taylor: Oh, yeah. No, I'm glad we waited too. Like in hindsight.
Joey: Plus we ended up, we were just thinking about the perfect timing it had to be for us to end up with this exact human being in the other room right now. She's perfect.
Taylor: It worked out great. So yeah, I'm glad that we had the time together, that we did, the amount of years that we did. plus we also, we met in high school, so it feels like, and we've been dating since then, and so it feels like we were together a lot longer than just like our six years before we started to have a baby.
Lisa: Unlike your Uncle B and Me. We were married about the same amount of years that you were before we had a baby, but our courtship was much faster than yours. .
Taylor: Yes.
Lisa: Courtship. How old am I? Anyway, this is your story. Go ahead.
Positive Test
Taylor: So yeah, we decided to, just see what happened and it took like less than two months, I think. And then I didn't have any symptoms that gave me a clue. I just thought maybe I should take a test, and I did and I saw the very faintest line and I took it at like 11 o'clock at night right before I was going to bed, which was like rookie mistake because that was like, I was trying to sleep and then I didn't wanna tell him because I didn't know if it was like real.
So I just took it for fun and I thought I saw a really faint line. I like used my flashlight and zoomed in on the picture and everything. And I hid it in a drawer and just went to sleep. And the next morning I took another one and I saw a slightly darker line, but there was definitely a line.
And I didn't tell him. And I went to work and I was just stunned. And on my way home from work, I bought a couple of, cause I was just using the little cheap, the strip kind. and on my way home I bought like the legit, Clear Blue, First Response, every brand. and I got home and I took them all.
And every single one there was like line, line, yes, pregnant, line. and I was like, oh, this is happening. And so, he got home from work and I had laid out two little onesies in the gym where he works out after work. And I just laid them on the bench and waited. And it took him a long time to notice them.
And I was dying. I was in the doorway, just like talking to him, waiting and waiting. I was recording. and finally he saw them. So, Yeah.
Joey: Well I thought you just bought them in advance. I didn't know it was the sign.
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. Cause one of them said Hi, daddy, can't wait to meet you or something.
And then the other one said player three has entered the game, so yeah.
Lisa: I can remember seeing pictures of those and you'll have to, maybe you can share those for the show notes.
Taylor: Yeah. So it took him a second and we actually had some onesies given to us by his parents before,as a joke of like, we want a grandkid. So I think he initially thought those were just those, and he's like, why are they in here? So it took him a second to actually read what they said.
Joey: It was funny too because obviously I knew what we were trying to do and I was still shocked.
Taylor: And he's wait, really? And I was like, yes.
Joey: Thought it would take longer.
Lisa: Sure.
Taylor: He said, I think he said, I'm trying to remember the video. He looked at them and said, What is that? And I was like, I just looked at him and he was like, are you serious? Yes. So yeah, and I think at that point it was really early. I think I was only like four and a half weeks pregnant when I tested positive.
And so I scheduled a doctor's appointment to get the official Yes. cuz initially I thought I'll wait to tell him until I have the official doctor's appointment. I could not wait. and so I went to the doctor, got the, yep. All clear, congratulations. And, they asked me if I had a doctor in mind who I wanted to see and there was a clinic some of my friends had recommended, so I gave them that name and got referred and all of the things.
And they give you the typical okay, so start prenatal vitamins, you might have some symptoms, you might feel weird, you might have pain, but the only concern is if you have pain in your side or something that doesn't go away, just to be safe, get checked out, so.
Experiencing Pain in Her Side
Taylor: Okay, cool. And so immediately, we start thinking about how we're gonna tell our parents, and all that fun stuff. So we start planning and about a week goes by and I started having pain in my left side. and it was at work. and so, being a teacher, I'm on my feet pretty much all day.
And so I didn't know, I was like, maybe I've just been standing too long, and I'm, I don't know, I'm just sore or something. And I thought it would go away. but by the end of the work day, it was still hurting. And it wasn't like coming and going. It was pretty consistent. And so I was like, I don't, if the one thing the doctor hadn't said was pain in your side, I probably would've just brushed it off.
But knowing how serious things like ectopic pregnancies can be, I was like, I really think I should go somewhere. So I texted Joey on my way home and I said, I think I'm just gonna run by, like urgent care, just real quick and just see if they have an ultrasound or something, someone who could help.
And he said, okay, do you want me to come? And I said, no. It's fine. It's just a quick, I just want some reassurance basically. so I went initially to, I think it was just an emergency clinic. I don't even think it was like it wasn't an ER. I went to an urgent care situation and basically I waited in line for 45 minutes. and they basically immediately turned me away and said, no, we don't have what you need. You need to go to the ER and I was like, perfect. That's what I want to do. I think it was like a Thursday night, So I had work the next day. I was like, I don't, dang it. so I called Joey.
Trying Another Urgent Care
Taylor: I said, okay, I'm gonna go to Premier ER, so not the big hospital still, cuz I was trying to put that off if I could. I was like, I'm gonna go to Premier ER and see if they can help me. And he again said, are you okay? Do you want me to come? And I said, I really think it'll be a quick thing.
It's okay. So I went to Premier, I checked in, I told them what was going on and they were like, let me call a nurse in the back to see if we have the type of ultrasound since I was so early. It's not like they could just use the normal, belly ultrasound. So they're like, let me see if we have the equipment that you need.
And this nurse came out and she basically, I was scared from the second she came out cause she looked so serious. And she actually asked if she could talk to me outside, like, outside the building cuz the waiting room was packed. There were all these people. So, she was being considerate, like my privacy and stuff.
But it was really scary to be asked to step outside. and she immediately was just the sweetest. Like she put her hands on my arms and was like, okay. I know you're probably feeling really scared. We don't have the equipment that you need and I recommend that you go to Scott and White, I recommend you go to the actual emergency room.
Just tell them what you're feeling. And she asked how far along I was. and I just immediately just started crying Cause I'm like, oh my gosh, is this that serious? Like I'm worried. and she hugged me and told me that she knew, cuz she apparently had just experienced a miscarriage herself. And so she told me, I know what you're feeling and I know how scary like this feels to you right now.
And she asked my name, she asked what I did. She said she was gonna pray for me. Like it was just the sweetest interaction that I could've-- and because I talked to her, I felt okay, this is fine. Like I can do this. And she actually ended up, she walked me to my car.
She asked if there was someone who was gonna come with me. she even went back inside and got my insurance card and ID and stuff from the front desk cuz they still had that. she didn't want me to have to go back in while I was crying. So she was, I mean, just the sweetest person. She got me to my car.
She told me, you know what to do, where to go. and so at that point, that's when I called Joey and said, they're sending me to the real ER. I'm gonna stop and get food on the way. and I'll let you know the situation when I get there. Cause I think he was still at work at that point. so, and this whole time our parents still don't know that I'm pregnant.
Checking Into Hospital ER
Taylor: And so it's just the two of us that are experiencing all this. and the whole time I'm like, it's fine. It's not a big deal. and I get to the real emergency room, which is just so fun and
Lisa: Do I sense some sarcasm there?
Taylor: Yeah. And I mean, it was still after the big COVID rush, but It's still pretty serious, And so they had half of it shut down and roped off with caution tape where people who felt bad were like laying on benches and throwing up in the lobby. I mean it was,
Lisa: Oh geez.
Taylor: Yeah, it was super fun. And so
Lisa: You're like, I do not want to be here.
Taylor: The normal people were just like along the edges, trying to find a seat as far away as possible.
So I told them what was going on and I mean, kudos to them. They got me back really fast, for an ER I mean, I think I waited like 30, 40 minutes before they called me back the first time, checked me in, got me my bracelet. they took my blood, and whatever the normal things they do. and then they sent me back out to wait to get called back for like the official, people to see me.
Lisa: Had you ever been to an ER before?
Taylor: No. No, I had not. and so I had no idea what to expect. I did know you waited a long time, and so that's kinda what I was expecting. And so I'm waiting, and they had actually put in like an IV starter in my arm, already. And so, I have this thing taped in my body just chilling out.
And for me, who doesn't do super well with blood, I was like, this is super fun to just look at while I'm waiting. And so I think it was another 30, 40 minutes and they called me back to be like, not admitted, I guess, but just into a room. And three or four doctors came in and asked the same exact questions.
And, I'm starting to realize this is not gonna be a quick thing. And being a teacher, I know that I'm gonna have to not be there tomorrow cuz it was starting to get late and so my phone was dying and I'm trying to tell Joey I'm in a room, here's my location and also I'm trying to type out plans for my students the next day because as a teacher, you can't just call out, your kids have to have something to do. And so luckily because I teach high school, they're pretty self-sufficient, but just the panic of typing out sub plans at 10 o'clock at night, on your dying cell phone was stressful. And so anyway, of course at this point Joey's like, okay, I'm coming.
And he's and I'm gonna bring us dinner and all this stuff. And I'm like, cool, here's where I am. And then my phone dies. And so I was in a room. Like just on one of those table bed things for I think four or five hours by myself. Because they had said I was being transferred somewhere and that's where they told him I was.
And he got up there and they said, we don't have that person. And so he's looking for me. I don't know he's looking for me. Cause my phone is dead. And in the meantime they did a bunch of different types of ultrasounds. and of course they're telling me nothing.
Lisa: And are you still having pain this whole time?
Transfer to Labor and Delivery
Taylor: Mm-hmm. And so I'm just, I have no idea what's going on. So finally they're like, okay, we're gonna send you up to labor and delivery because they have the most specific equipment for what you need. And so finally, as I'm waiting to be transferred upstairs, a nurse came in and she gave me a warm blanket so that I could rest.
She turned the lights off, told me where the bathroom was. and so I did get a little bit of rest at that point. But I had no sense of time because my phone was dead. There's no clocks in the room or anything. It was just bizarre. So finally I get wheeled up to labor and delivery and there's Joey in the lobby of labor and delivery with Whataburger, and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so happy to see you.
Lisa: You and food probably.
Taylor: It smelled so good.
Think it was like close to midnight at that point. and so we get to labor and delivery. And another kind of divine appointment, the nurse who checked me in and took my blood and stuff, knew one of my coworkers, and so she was making that connection. And so there was some more friendly interaction there.
A Scary Diagnosis
Taylor: So an OB comes in and does a very lengthy, uncomfortable ultrasound and is pushing all things, and then disappears for a little bit and comes back and basically says Hey, we can't say for sure because the embryo's so small at five weeks. He said, but what you're experiencing, and we do see something near your left ovary, it sounds a lot like ectopic pregnancy.
And I just looked at Joey and I was like, oh, like really? This is the absolute worst case scenario. and the doctor I think he was trying to find a balance of being very serious because I mean, if you don't come back for this, it can kill you. But he was also trying to not scare us, And so he was like,
Lisa: How do you do that?
Taylor: But, he said, we can't say for sure, so we need you to come back every two days until we can clear you. He's like, but you have to come back. You can't not show up. You have to come back every two days. there's no appointment, you just show up at the desk, tell them you're here and we'll just do quick scans and all that.
And they were showing us the scans, but we don't know what we're looking at. ,
Lisa: Sure. Especially that early.
Taylor: Yeah. And so he's like, we do see something in your uterus that looks like it could be an embryo in the right spot, he said, but we also see something near your left ovary. And because both of these things are so small, we don't know what we're looking at.
And so basically we were told it's probably ectopic. We don't know. It could also not be. See you later. And so we just go home and I get in my car and I've driven myself there right? Eight hours earlier. And so I'm just like sobbing in the car, thinking all of this, and we get home and Joey makes sure that I eat.
And then I take a shower and I text my boss. I'm like, I'm not coming to work tomorrow. Bye. And I fall asleep. And so then the next two days we're just sitting, thinking,
Joey: I basically told her to prepare for the worst and hope for the best .
Taylor: Yeah. so I even packed away the onesies and everything cause I couldn't look at 'em.
Cause I was like, okay, if this is not, if this is not happening, like I can't see this.
Lisa: And meanwhile, all of us, your relatives are getting texts about Taylor's at the ER, pray for her but nothing to do with pregnancy, of course.
Taylor: Right.
Lisa: I can't even remember what message we did get.
I don't think it was appendicitis. I can't remember what the theoretical, do you remember?
Taylor: Ovarian cyst was the official story.
Lisa: That makes sense.
Taylor: Those run in our family and I've had them before. Payton actually had to have one removed, like in surgery recently. And so, it wasn't outta the realm of possibility that that could be why I was there.
And so that was the official explanation. And then I just told everybody yeah, I have to go back in two days so that they can check and see if it's grown or, I just made that up. And, so then two days go by and I was like binge watching the Great British Bake Off cuz that was the only thing that calmed me down and listening to a lot of praise and worship songs.
And I just, at that point I had actually texted a couple of my friends and said, Hey, this is actually what's going on. I haven't told my family, and it was like my best friends growing up and a couple of my roommates from college and I just said, if y'all could just pray over this situation, that would be great.
Follow Up Appointment
Taylor: And so we were driving to the next appointment and it's just all those emotions, and we get called back and, a team of three women comes in. So the OB that saw me in the ER was a male, and was pretty just matter-of-fact, straightforward. He was nice. But, it was something reassuring about having three women in the room, and knowing probably what I was feeling, personally and all that. And they came in and they're looking and they're telling us what they're seeing, as they're seeing it so that we feel a little reassured.
And they took my blood and they said, Hey, your levels look good. Like they've elevated. And they said, typically in an ectopic pregnancy, one of the clues is that your hormones aren't multiplying because the embryo can't grow like it should. And they said, it looks like your hormones have doubled since the last time we saw you, which is exactly what we want.
Healthy Pregnancy Confirmed
Taylor: They actually like more than doubled. And they said, but we're gonna go ahead and scan again just to make sure. And so they did the scan and they said, I don't know what that other doctor saw, but this looks like a perfectly normal healthy pregnancy. And we just looked at each other, like, are you serious?
It was not what we expected. No. And I just I didn't even cry. I was just sitting there. and they were like, so you look great. Congratulations, left the room. And so I'm like getting dressed and I think you said, what did you say?
Joey: Well, I guess you're pregnant again.
Lisa: Very matter of fact.
Taylor: Yeah. And so we just, it was so bizarre. so I don't know what you were feeling in that moment, but
Joey: Yeah, I mean it was incredible obviously, but I don't think it affected me as much as it affected her. Because I didn't have that connection yet, but I mean, obviously I was sad, but not to the level that you were. For sure.
Taylor: Yeah. That was a time and so it, it really was like, oh my gosh, this is actually happening. So we did still have to come back, two days later, just again, a reassurance. But they were like, yeah, everything looks great. And so that was our very traumatic beginning to the pregnancy.
And like the doctors told us that whatever that first doctor saw near my left ovary was probably just like something else in my body in the background. I was like, okay. You would think like an OB would know what he was looking at. I don't know, I guess he was just being really cautious. But they were like, it could have been anything from a part of your intestine that was just visible, so anyway, it was scary, but everything was fine and we could finally take a deep breath.
Announcing Pregnancy
Taylor: And then that next weekend we told our parents, and everybody else. And so, we kept it, I think, in the family at the very beginning. And then we had other people to tell. I was a teacher so I couldn't exactly hide it for very long. And so I had to tell my students and my coworkers, and a lot of my students I was really close with cuz I had taught them for multiple years in a row. and we had experienced the pandemic together.
Lisa: And these are high school students?
Taylor: Yes. Yeah. And so I wore a shirt to work that said Ice. Ice. And then I had an arrow pointing. For ice, ice baby.
Lisa: I loved all of your various reveals. For all the people, all the family. And it was so cute.
Difficult First Trimester
Joey: It was hard to hide because you had a pretty hard first trimester.
Taylor: Oh yeah. That was part of why I think we told the public at like exactly 12 weeks because I was really sick, I was sick like every single day. And it wasn't morning sickness, it was all day sickness. and teaching high school where kids are bringing in food and the PTA was so nice and one time they were like, here's chili dogs.
Lisa: Oh, the smells .
Taylor: Yeah. And I just walked in and I was like— And I had to immediately leave. And, only a few of my coworkers knew at the time, and somebody texted me, are you okay? I was like, I can't go in there, and I felt really bad because I had to come up with an excuse, oh, I already ate or something.
Because they were so nice to bring us food, and I was like, I can't. So I was using, I can't remember who told me about them, but they're called Preggie Pop Drops. And they look like cough drops, but they taste good. And so I think mom ordered me like two whole packs of 'em and I was just just downing those.
And so, yeah, I finally had to tell my students cuz I was just leaving class to go to the bathroom all the time. And our campus is pretty open, but it was starting to look suspicious. And so I did have to tell them, and they were thrilled. And they wanted weekly updates, so on the whiteboard every week I updated how big the baby was, size of a whatever.
And they all placed their bets on gender and all of the things. And of course they were giving me their personal name suggestions, mostly being their own names, which immediately crosses it off the list, like no student names.
Yeah. So yeah, it was fun. Like once they knew it was fun to experience that with them.
So that was, that's pretty cool. Were there any big moments during the pregnancy for you that stuck out?
Like any of the ultrasounds or anything?
Ultrasounds and Visuals
Joey: Well, I mean, obviously the first time we saw her move and you could see a hand, like a full hand.
Taylor: Yeah.
Joey: Just outta nowhere and suddenly there's a human being.
Taylor: Yeah.
Joey: It's crazy.
Taylor: Yeah. Cuz like you go for that ultrasound in the ER of this speck of a thing, to the ultrasound where you can see arms and legs and a heart beating and you're like, what is that
Lisa: like that 20 week probably
Taylor: Yeah.
Lisa: Anatomy scan.
Taylor: Yeah. It was pretty crazy. And she was kicking and moving arms and wiggling around and it was just, it was like zero to a hundred real quick. You're like, oh, there's a whole tiny person in there.
Joey: Well, they had an early one too, because she had gotten COVID
Taylor: Oh, yeah.
Joey: While she was pregnant.
And then they require you to do another one.
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. So we had more ultrasounds than most people.
Joey: It was kinda nice actually, to see her more.
COVID During Pregnancy
Taylor: It was nice. Yeah, I did unfortunately, teaching in a public school where there's no masks required in Texas, I managed to get COVID. I was still wearing a mask, especially while pregnant.
And, it was just, was bound to happen, I guess. Even being fully vaccinated and boosted and wearing a mask. And,
Lisa: I remember being so frustrated for you, like, come on.
Taylor: It was frustrating. I did not feel very bad, thankfully. And I think a lot of that had to do with the vaccines that we did have and the precautions we had taken.
But I mainly just felt a little tired. But I mean, I was also pregnant, and so, a lot of the symptoms when I did a virtual call with my doctor and they were asking me, are you uncomfortable? Whatever. And I was like, yeah, but I'm also pregnant. So it never got bad.
I just got really fatigued and I never even ran a fever or anything. and the whole time she was moving and grooving in there. so I knew everything was fine with her. but we did have to, I think they had to check on the growth of the placenta cuz there had been some reports of maybe that being a side effect of COVID but everything looked great. It was a little scary, but it was fine.
Preparations for Birth
Taylor: And then, our official due date was May 12th, and my birthday is May 21st. And so I was just hoping, and I knew that like first baby, they're not gonna come on time probably, but like most of the time they're later than that.
So I just wanted her here before my birthday. That was all I wanted. And of course, it got to the point where I was showing up at work and people were like, you're still here, every single day. And, so I was getting pretty frustrated and I just wanted to have the baby. and we had gone through your birth class and graduated, virtually.
And so thankfully I felt very equipped and ready because before your class, like obviously I knew I had to give birth. Like I knew that was the consequence of our actions, but I wasn't thinking about okay, when it's actually happening. Cause in my head, I was like, yeah, sign me up immediately for that epidural.
Cuz I don't have a very high pain tolerance. I don't do well with blood or anything. And so I just knew that's what I'm gonna do. And then we took your class and I thought, huh, maybe I can see how far I can go without getting one. and we had talked a lot in your class and in the readings and stuff about strategies for laboring at home and how you don't necessarily have to go in to the hospital right away, when your water breaks and all that.
And, so we had come up with some things. I was gonna try to play Animal Crossing, like a really calming game, or bounce on the yoga ball. I had bounced on the yoga ball every day for hours after work for the last few weeks of my pregnancy, because I was like, get out.
It did not work. But, we had strategies.
Lisa: I do think you had texted me saying you had bounced on the ball, but I didn't realize you did it that much.
Joey: Maybe it helped in a way.
Taylor: Maybe it did help in a way, and we were going on walks, often and all that fun stuff.
And so I had all these plans for laboring at home as long as I could. And then once I couldn't handle it, we were gonna go to the hospital and go from there. and so we had things in the bag. I had my own gown that I had ordered that wasn't a hospital gown, it was comfortable and it had the access for an epidural and for breastfeeding and all the things.
I had my Liquid IV packs ready. I had dried fruit to snack on, like
Lisa: Oh, and you have to send me the pictures. I think I actually probably have 'em somewhere, but,
Taylor: oh, the baskets,
Lisa: pictures of your baskets for the nurses.
Taylor: Yes.
Lisa: This lady. Taylor, I almost said Taylor Mayes, Taylor Breard made the best baskets for gifts for the nurses I have ever seen.
Taylor: Oh my gosh.
Lisa: Ok, here's a high bar for everybody to live up to.
Taylor: Well, cause in my head I'm thinking, and I think maybe you said this in birth class, like it can't hurt, right? It can't hurt to bribe them a little bit.
Lisa: Oh yeah.
Taylor: And so in my head I was like, well if we're gonna bribe 'em, we're gonna do it right. And so I had even posted, I think on Facebook or Instagram asking my nurse friends, what do you want?
Lisa: And that was so smart.
Taylor: Yeah. The suggestions came flooding in. Stuff I didn't think about lotion, pens. Like I wasn't thinking about, I was thinking about like snacks. And so I made two baskets. I made one that had food items and one that had like practical items. and so we were packed, ready to go, had all of the things.
And it did not go as planned to say the least.
Due Date Comes and Goes
Taylor: So May 12th, her due date shows up. and of course nothing, which we expected. And so May 13th, which was a Friday. So Friday the 13th. Of course everybody's making jokes. Well, you have to have your baby now cause it's Friday the 13th. so something surely is gonna happen.
We go to my overdue appointment cause they're like, Aw, we were hoping we wouldn't see you. I said, yeah, me too. But here we are. They checked me and they said, yeah, totally closed, nothing. And I was really hoping for something, just anything. and they said, no, high, tight, closed,
Lisa: Not what you want to hear.
Don't tell us that la la la
Taylor: They said, but the good news is that we can tell she has dropped significantly. and so I was like, okay, that's great, but if I'm not dilated, then what does that even mean? Thanks, I guess. and so I was feeling pretty discouraged. I think I cried on the way home.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I cried. and so we just went home and, then Saturday the 14th, We were like, let's go on a walk. Let's go on a really good long walk. And so we were gonna go walking, and we actually ended up stopping at his parents' house. I don't remember why, but we stopped at his parents' house and his dad was making fish and chips.
And that's one of my very favorite things that he makes. He's a great cook. And so they asked if we wanted to stay for dinner and I was like, yes we do. and so, I waddle in and eat a ton of fish and chips. and then we go on a walk and, you know, my ankles are swollen, like just all of the things.
And I'm bouncing on the ball pretty angrily, just like, get out. I don't wanna go to work on Monday. I'm like, please. and so On Sunday the 15th. My mom shows up and she has brought me, she brought me flowers, she brought me, some other stuff.
And then I specifically requested that she bring dates and castor oil. I was like, come on, look. Let's try some stuff. And so I'd never had dates before, so I pull one out and I'm like, this looks so gross.
Lisa: They're not very pretty. Like an enormous raisin.
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. I think Joey said it looked like a meat raisin .
Lisa: Oh my gosh, that's a great description.
And now I'm never gonna eat one again.
Taylor: Yeah. So I Googled like how to make them not gross. Like they don't taste gross. It was just getting past that initial but they were just really sweet and so I was kind of struggling. and they said, dip 'em in peanut butter. And so I did that and I was like, okay, this is great. So I ate a few of 'em.
And they're pretty big. I mean, they're not small. and then I Googled like how much castor oil, like recommendations, and I saw some suggestions, like five tablespoons.
Lisa: Oh no,
Taylor: And I said oh no thank you. The side effects of that could be really bad.
Lisa: Oh, yes.
Taylor: And so I think I used, I was such a chicken because like in the moment I was thinking, I really want labor to start. And then I was like, looking at this castor oil and I was like, do I though? I don't know. So I think I ended up using like a teaspoon because I was so scared.
Joey: I think you did half.
Taylor: No, I think it was a full or half the tablespoon maybe. And I just blended it with some like orange juice and stuff that they recommended. So you can't really taste it. Did that and then nothing was happening. That was like, what time was that? Like 10 or 11 at night right before bed. I did that.
Joey: You can't forget the blood moon.
Taylor: Oh yes. That night was the blood moon eclipse or whatever. That only happens once every a hundred years, but it seems to happen every month now. I dunno. and so we went next door to watch it with his grandmother. We were in the driveway.
And so we were thinking, okay, Friday the 13th already happened. Surely a blood moon eclipse is gonna make something like, come on, this has to be something. but nothing, like absolutely nothing. Not even, no contractions, like just no sign of anything.
Water Breaks
Taylor: And so after that, we got home from that and that's when I did the dates and the castor oil and took a shower and realized I was gonna have to go to work tomorrow. And pretty sure I cried a little bit and got in bed. But I was using that, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I think it was the Expectful app that you, gifted a subscription to me for, and so I was using that like meditation and deep breathing and helped me get to sleep.
And I had used that throughout my pregnancy, which was super helpful. And so I was using that and I think I was having a lot of trouble sleeping just because I was so, I mean, I'm waiting to go into labor and, I'm just hoping for any sign. And so it's I think it's 2:50 in the morning and I turn over onto my side and immediately I feel a little like pop.
Like just inside an internal little pop and immediate fluid and I was like, whoa. And I jumped out of bed because I was like, Ew, I don't want this in my bed. And I was like, there is no mistaking what that was for sure. And so I run to the bathroom quickly, and I was like, okay, that was not me having to go to the bathroom.
That was something different. and so I like, take a second, I made a note on my phone. I was like, okay, it's 2:50, water broke. and so I opened the door. Joey's still awake. He's actually, what were you doing?
Joey: I was doing the thank you letters, for the baby shower.
Taylor: He was finishing thank you notes, from our latest baby shower and he had just finished the last one and was coming to bed when I walked out and said, Hey, my water broke.
And he is like, I was just about to go to sleep.
Joey: Can you wait a minute?
Taylor: And I was like,
Lisa: Put pause on that please.
Taylor: And I told him, I said, well, I mean, in Lisa's class it doesn't mean anything right away. I said, so we should try to sleep while we can. contractions are gonna be pretty far apart at the beginning, so we need to try to sleep. And he encouraged me to try to rest as well. cuz no contractions had started. And so I was like, okay. and I got in bed.
Contractions Begin
Taylor: He got in bed and I think 30 or 40 minutes went by after my water broke and the first contraction happened. And I was like, okay, that's not fun. And so, but I was still in bed and I was just kinda like breathing through it a little bit.
And I thought, okay, all right. I got through the first one. Now I'm gonna try to sleep. Cause it should be, X amount of minutes ish, no, two minutes later. Another one. And I was like, what's happening? And it kept happening every two minutes. And so I got outta bed because it was like, I can't lay here for this.
And he asked me, he's like, where are you going? I said, I have to go to the living room. I have to get outta bed. I can't lay down. And so I just went out into the living room and I turned on the tv of course, at three in the morning, there's nothing really great on television.
So I think what I found was Golden Girls, it was the only thing that didn't annoy me. And so, I just listened, like that theme song. I wonder how many times it played while I was in labor.
Lisa: Thank you for bein' a friend. I better not sing that too much or I'll have to pay royalties.
Taylor: Yeah. So I was just in the living room.
And I had texted my family and said, Hey, my water broke. No contractions yet. Of course, this was before they had started. so we just let them know. And then I texted my boss and said, my water broke, so I'm out. Like you're on your own. and so yeah, every two minutes they were coming and it never changed.
And I was really struggling. I was like, this hurts and it's every two minutes and I'm not getting any rest. And Lisa said I would be able to get rest and I'm not getting any. But you also said that every labor's different, and
Lisa: Birth is not linear for everyone.
Taylor: There is no normal, like normal is all over the place. and so the only thing, I would sit on the edge of the couch and doze, like sitting up between contractions, and then one would start and I would get up. And I would just pace through it. That was the only thing, I just walked in our living room the whole time. So all of our strategies, like the yoga ball, the Animal Crossing, the walking, well, the walking worked, all the partner labor support positions, that were so great and, nothing.
I just wanted to walk. I didn't want him touching me. I think one time he came out and I don't remember which position we tried, but I think he held me, he helped hold me up through one. but then after that I was like, Nope, I just need to walk. I just need to move. And so that's what I did until the sun came up, and I was just walking, walking, walking, walking.
Getting Sick in Transition
Taylor: And then at one point, I was in a lot of pain and I felt like I was gonna be sick. And so I go to the bathroom and I'm just on all fours in the bathroom, like rocking because. I don't know. That's just what felt right. and I started getting sick a couple times and Joey was encouraging me to stay hydrated.
He's like, make sure you're drinking water. But then I would drink the water and feel sick and I didn't want it. And so it was just this battle of when I didn't feel sick, I would chug some water because I was thirsty and I knew I needed to be hydrated and then I would get sick.
And so I think at that point I think that's when Joey started texting you. Cause you guys were on vacation.
Lisa: We were in Florida, Disney World and Universal .
Taylor: So y'all were like,
Lisa: No, you texted me when your water broke. or at some point after when your water broke, asking- cuz when I woke up, I remember like seeing a text, but it had been a while.
I felt bad. I was like, oh no, I didn't see this. I've been sleeping.
Taylor: I mean we knew that you guys were like on a family vacation and we're ruining it with birth questions.
Lisa: Are you kidding, it was exciting.
Taylor: Yeah. He started texting you to ask about me getting sick cuz he wanted to know what questions were you asking?
Joey: When do we call the hospital?
Taylor: Yeah. Like is there a point where we should be concerned that she's maybe getting dehydrated from getting sick and that kind of stuff. and so you did call the hospital? And what was that like?
Joey: They just wanted to talk to you. They wanted to know how much pain you were in and I could only describe by what I saw and that wasn't good enough for them.
Taylor: They wanted to talk to me on the phone, which I'm sure they could hear me in the background because I was making sounds.
Joey: They wanted us to just go in because they just want you to go in.
Lisa: That's true. Yeah. They're gonna usually err on that side of caution.
Taylor: Yeah. They said, well, why don't y'all go ahead and come in?
They were really just trying, and Joey was like, all I'm asking , should we be concerned? Is she dehydrated or whatever? And they said, just come in. And so it was just this circular conversation. And so I don't even know how the conversation ended. I think it was just like, okay, thanks, and hung up.
Deciding to Leave for Hospital
Taylor: and so at that point, I think it had been like seven ish hours, seven and a half hours. and then I told him, I'm a wimp. I cannot handle this anymore. I said, I think we need to go. And he said, and what did you say?
Joey: Hold on, I'm gonna shower real quick.
Taylor: He said, okay, hold on, lemme just take a quick shower, He was getting rest-
Joey: Two minutes!
Lisa: I love it.
Taylor: -while he could, like he had gone to the computer, he had looked up our notes from your class and stuff.
So he was refreshing his memory while I was in labor. Cause I didn't want him touching me. So he was doing that. And then, toward the end I was like, you should absolutely, you should go to sleep. Like if you can. Cuz I'm just, I'm just doing my own thing. And so finally, I was like, we need to go.
We need to go. And I'm waking him up. And so he's okay, I'm gonna shower real fast, real fast. And we gotta let the dogs out. I gotta get the bags and all this stuff.
Lisa: Okay, so can I ask Joey a question? Well finish your thought, Taylor, and then I'll ask Joey a question.
Taylor: It's okay. Go ahead.
Lisa: I just wanted to ask if you were genuinely just we need to, I need to do these things, or was part of it like, no, Lisa said we're supposed to, we wanna labor at home for a good long time.
So these are these delaying tactics?
Joey: No. So you didn't say you felt like pushing, right?
Taylor: No, not yet.
Joey: Yeah. So we just thought she was early still.
Lisa: Yeah.
Joey: So, cause it was supposed to be a certain minutes apart, and she was just two minutes, just all the time. It hadn't changed much. So we thought she was early, so we didn't think it was a rush.
Lisa: And your contractions never got to one minute. Right. They were always like no longer than 45 seconds, which was also confusing. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Taylor: Yeah. And so we just thought because nothing had changed that entire time, that's also why I was like, I'm a baby. This is early labor and I can't, like I need to go, I'm throwing up.
This is not a good time, I'm tapping out. And I was a little disappointed in myself because I was like, dang it, I really thought I was gonna do it. but I was just exhausted. And yeah, cuz every two minutes from the beginning, there was no rest. There was no rest to be had. So yeah, I don't think he was delaying, cuz he did take a shower and he was fast.
And he let the dogs out as fast as he could. packed the bags. and he made sure he got his fruit snacks, for his snack on the way to the hospital.
Feeling a Pushing Sensation
Joey: And so I was getting dressed and then she said, Joey, I kind of feel like I'm pushing maybe , I was like nuh-uh, there's no way, there's no way.
Taylor: We were in the bedroom and I was changing clothes.
And I said something just felt different. And I said, I don't know what else this could be. I said, but I feel like a pushing sensation. I feel a lot of pressure. That's the only thing I can describe it as. And he looked at me across the room and was, nuh-uh. He was like, there's no way. I said, I know, I know there's no way. It's only been like seven and a half hours, almost eight hours. There's no way this is what's happening. but I mean, just that bear down feeling and there was no stopping it. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't walk. I was like just bracing whenever it happened and I was making sounds and I was like, there is no way that's what's happening right now. these are, these must be, I think I was thinking I was in transition, cuz that's the hardest part. So I was like, maybe that's what that is. I said, but this really feels different. This doesn't feel like a contraction. This feels different. and he was like, Taylor, he's very calm and very rational and he said, Taylor, that can't be what you're feeling right now. It's really early, they're still two minutes apart, And I was like, I know that, but I just feel different. and so we got dressed and the entire time that he's showering and letting the dogs out and everything, I'm feeling this pushing feeling and I'm just like, I'm yelling in the kitchen, holding onto the island.
And we get in the car and I'm like, sideways in the seat, on the drive and we're stuck behind a dump truck the whole way there. That's going really slow.
Lisa: Oh, no.
Taylor: And the whole time he's reminding me, he's eating his fruit snacks while he is driving and he is telling me You need to take deep breaths, deep breaths. I'm like, you take deep breaths. this is not, I'm not having a good time. And, we pull up to the hospital and, we park the car like in the drive, not the drive through . That's what it looks like. Under the drop off zone. And Joey goes to check in while I'm in the car and the nurse, or whoever's at the front comes with him with a wheelchair.
And I get in the wheelchair and she sees me and she goes, you need to go straight up. Like just by looking at me and watching me, she goes, Nope, you're in labor. You need to go straight up right now. They even told us to leave the car running. They said, we will watch your car. You go right up right now.
Lisa: Awesome. That's so great. Yeah.
Joey: I'm pretty sure it took a few seconds after that. Looked back and forth from my wife and the car running,
Lisa: Right? Like, are you sure
Taylor: Leave the car with the door open and everything? But they stayed, and they watched the car and some very nice gentleman held the elevator door for us.
Checking In With Triage
Taylor: And so we get up to labor and delivery, and, we get to the desk and they're like, And what is your name? And they just start these questions very calmly while I'm literally, like screaming in a wheelchair. Not screaming, but like not having a good time, clearly in active labor. And they're asking me all these check-in questions, and then they're like, okay, we'll be with you soon.
And then they just, I get parked in a corner in the waiting room with other pregnant women who are just there for their normal appointments. And I'm just in this wheelchair. Like huh.
Lisa: I'm giving birth right now! Hello!
Joey: And I had to go park the car.
Taylor: Yeah, so I'm sitting in a wheelchair in the waiting room, trying not to scare the people around me, thinking I am the world's biggest wimp. This is terrible. And so he goes down and the triage nurse comes out and calls my name and I wave at her around the corner. And she goes, can you walk?
I said, no I'm in a wheelchair. And so she comes around and gets the wheelchair and pushes me back. And this woman, I know she's just doing her job and she does this how many times a day. But I had some unpleasant thoughts , being with her. She insisted that I stand on the scale to get my weight.
Which I'm not sure why that was needed when I was very clearly in active labor.
Lisa: That's so-
Taylor: I just told you I couldn't and you want me to stand to get my weight? And so she's seeing me bear down and go through this and she's telling me to stop. She's like, stop bearing down. Stop pushing. You're gonna hurt yourself.
Because I think in her mind, cuz she had asked, how far along were you at your last checkup? How dilated were you? I said, I wasn't. They said, is this your first birth? I said, yes. They said, when did your water break? And I told them. And so I'm sure in her head she's thinking, you're not actually that far along.
This is your first time. You don't know what you're feeling, which, okay. But also maybe listen to the people.
Lisa: Yeah.
Taylor: And so she weighs me. She makes me sit all the way back in this very uncomfortable chair and be very still to take my blood pressure, and is telling me, you're gonna hurt yourself. Stop pushing.
It's not time yet. And all this stuff. So that was difficult. and so finally they take me back. Oh, she asks me, while she's taking my blood pressure, would you like an epidural? And I said, yes, because I was really struggling. and I thought, we're two minutes apart. This is not going well.
I'm, I don't seem to be progressing or anything. and she said, okay, you know, makes a note.
At a Ten
Taylor: And they wheel me back to a room to get an exam. And that's when Joey walks in with all the bags and all the stuff and he's starting to set them down, like beginning the process. And whoever was in there takes one look at me and goes, you're complete, you're at a 10.
We see hair. And I was like, what? Like I looked at Joey and I was like, what do you mean? And they said, this is normally when we go have a baby,
Lisa: not an epidural .
Joey: I started picking up all the bags and I told her, well, I guess you were right.
Taylor: He said, I guess you were pushing, that is exactly what you were feeling.
I was like, oh my goodness. And so they said, well, they said, if you want, you can try to wait for your doctor to get here. Because they knew that my doctor wasn't there. He was at a clinic in Killeen, I think, which is like 20, 30 minutes away. And, they said, you can try to wait if you really want to.
They said, or we can go have a baby. And I said, there is no waiting. I said, I'm pushing now. I think I'm pushing now. And they said, you're correct. And, so finally someone was validating so they're like, all right, let's go. And immediately they come in, they wheel me back. There's a team of like, I mean, how many of them were there?
Joey: Probably 10,
Taylor: like 10 people. Because I'm immediately like going from triage to a check in to a labor & delivery. So there's all this crossover and there's this woman actively giving birth, as they're transferring her. and so they're just surrounding me and they get us into a room. they transfer me to the bed.
And they're like, can you take off your shirt real quick? Cause I was still in like normal clothes. I wasn't even in a hospital gown yet cuz it was happening so fast. And so, they helped me take off my shirt and they literally just laid a gown on top of me because I didn't have time to put it on.
Pushing Stage
Taylor: and Joey's setting the bags down and then they look at him and they're like, all right, dad, grab a leg, like it was that fast. and so there's this team of nurses and doctor, one doctor comes in. and it actually ended up being the same doctor who gave me the good news at my scary appointment.
Lisa: Aww.
Taylor: Like eight months earlier. So it was kind of a cool full circle moment. Yeah, and I heard the nurses say they had called my doctor and they were whispering to each other, there's no way he's gonna make it. And I didn't realize I was that close cuz you hear stories about pushing, taking, it could take hours, you know?
And they were like, he's not gonna make it. And I was like, am I really that close? And they said, yes, you are. and so I couldn't believe I had actually labored at home from the beginning to push time, like almost born in the car apparently. I was like, I'm not a wimp. I did it. Like I couldn't believe I did it.
Lisa: Absolutely.
Taylor: But they were great. They said, push when you feel like you need to, they didn't tell me 1, 2, 3, go, and so they were waiting for me to give the cue. And so in the meantime, this moment where I'm on the bed waiting to push was when I got the most rest, the entire labor.
Because that was when the feeling of pushing was coming like every five minutes. So finally I had a second to like breathe and lay there. And I was talking to the nurses and I told them, oh, we brought you baskets. They're over there. And they were laughing at me. They were like, you're pushing right now and you're telling us you brought snacks.
And they were giving me ice water, like every few seconds, like holding it to my mouth and all this stuff. telling me how great I was doing and all of these things. And so finally I would tell them, okay, I'm gonna push. And they said, okay. And so they grabbed my legs and I would push and they would say all of their things that they say about, keep going, keep, you're doing great.
And then I would stop and then they'd say, okay, let us know when the next one's coming. And so they never pressured me. There was one time,
Lisa: Awesome,
Taylor: toward the very end, like when she was about to actually come out. There was one time where they wanted me to keep going. They were like, just a few more seconds.
And I said, no. And I said, Nope, I'm done. I'm done. It's gone. And they said, ok. And they just stopped and they were patting my legs and rubbing my shoulders. And they were like, all right, you just, you tell us. You tell us when it's time. And so they were excellent with that.
Lisa: Oh, that's great.
Taylor: And the whole time they were telling me, you're so close.
You're so close. And Joey was watching and he was like, no, you're not . And
Lisa: Did you say that to her?
Taylor: He was just like mmm, like shaking his head .
Joey: 'Cause you could see the top of her head come out and then it would go back in.
Lisa: Yeah. The rebounding
Joey: The same thing over and over.
And. But then you reached a point where almost all of her head came out and I was like, okay, now you're actually close.
Taylor: Yeah, he did. He looked at me and said, now you're close.
Joey: It had just been several times like that, so I felt like she might be getting a little frustrated or tired. So,
Taylor: Yeah, so he was, I appreciated that he was honest with me, and then he told me, okay, now you're close. And I was like, okay. Cause that gave me the, okay, let's go.
Baby Arrives
Taylor: And so I did, and there she was, and Evelyn was here, and, they immediately put her on me, and, he, he cut the cord and everything. and I remember them specifically asking me, I don't remember cuz time didn't exist. In that moment, like I had no idea how long anything was lasting. but I remember them asking my permission to take her, to weigh her and to bathe her.
Which I appreciated, cuz she was on me for a little bit and they were like, alright mom, is it okay if we like, wipe her down and get her weight real quick? And I was like, yeah, absolutely. and while they were doing that, it was time for the placenta to be delivered, while she was being weighed and cleaned.
And that was the point where my doctor showed up, he walked into the room with his gloves on and he was looking around, and he looked at me and was like what? And I was like, surprise. He said when I told you you didn't have to go right away, I didn't mean the whole time. And I said, oops , that was that. so, yeah. so he helped deliver the placenta. At the time he was actually, he was an intern, he's now a resident, but he was really great.
Delivering the Placenta
Taylor: And so the doctor that was there, they worked as a team to help me, deliver the placenta. And I had a small tear, I think a small second degree tear. but not bad at all. And the doctor actually helped a lot, I think with preventing more tearing because she was applying pressure, with her fingers toward the end.
And so that was very helpful. and so I got a few stitches, but nothing too bad. And I remember like with the placenta, like I was still feeling like I was needing to push. And so I asked them, I said, can I push? And they said, do you feel like you need to? I said, yes. And they said that would help.
And so I did. And immediately it just came out, no problem. And, And so they did all the stuff they do with it, weighing and examining it and all the stuff. And then they put it in a medical waste bag, a secure bag or whatever. And then they dropped it, and the bag broke.
Lisa: Oh, that's right. I forgot about that.
Taylor: So it landed on the floor and Joey saw it happen.
Joey: Well I've never seen a birth before. So, I dunno, was I going to pick the baby up or something?
Taylor: Yeah, he was going to get Evie off of the scale,
Joey: I'm just like, is this normal? Is this supposed to happen?
Taylor: He said is that supposed to happen?
Joey: There's blood everywhere.
Lisa: And Joey, were you like, Taylor, close your eyes.
Taylor: Yeah. And so, that was different. That was fun. And the poor doctor that that happened with, he was like, I'm so sorry. So they're cleaning that up, but I don't even, we're not even noticing that, at this point.
Golden Hour
Taylor: And yeah, and so she's here and they checked on me, made sure I was good. And then they left us alone for that hour.
And it was just bizarre. I remember him right after she was born, before they put her on me. He like looked at me and he goes, you just did that . He goes, you did it. You did it. And he told me, he is like, you're incredible. Like you're amazing. And I was like, oh. Like I couldn't even, I couldn't believe that I had just, no time for even a change of clothes.
At one point they had put an IV in my arm. I didn't even know they did that. So kudos to whoever did it cause they're a pro. but you know, it was for fluids and then later to help stop the bleeding and things like that. But, yeah, I didn't even know they had done that. So they left us alone and Joey texted our family, she's here, and our families are thinking they have the whole day because she was born at 12:33 PM 30 minutes of pushing.
That was all it took. and my water had broken at almost 3:00 AM And so that was like a nine and a half hour labor. That was it.
Joey: And I'm pretty sure I texted our families at 11:30 that we were going to the hospital.
Taylor: Yeah. And so they're like, oh, okay. Like they're going to the hospital, we should probably leave work, maybe get some lunch, whatever.
So they're in the waiting room. Actually, I don't even think they were in the waiting room. They were probably just making their arrangements, when he said she's here, and I think my mom said, who's here?
Lisa: You mean Taylor's at the hospital? Is that what you mean?
Taylor: And so we had our hour alone with her, and then, after two hours, that's when they move you to recovery. and so the nurses came in and helped me go to the bathroom and cleaned me up and, actually, put on a gown and, they showed me how to, arrange all of the padding and all of the things that you need for after. and they were just so kind.
Moving to Postpartum
Taylor: And, we got wheeled back to recovery and that's when the families came up and everything. And and it really, it was bizarre to me how, how little pain I was in like afterwards, like I was just not, and I know part of that was probably like adrenaline, but I really felt fine
I was like, I just gave birth and feel normal. It was really strange. And even pushing to me wasn't even that painful. It was like a sense of relief. Like it felt good because I was doing something actively. so it didn't hurt. it was just pressure
And even like when her head was actually coming out, like even that didn't, to me it didn't even hurt. There was just a sensation right before she came out of a little bit of intense pressure and a little bit of stretching because the doctor was pushing and all that. But really, it didn't, it was not as bad as I was expecting, compared to the contractions I had been getting nonstop since the beginning. And so we were at the hospital and literally 24 hours after she was born at 12:30, the next day we were gone like We were checked out, we were on our way.
But the nurses there were so great and really appreciative of the baskets and they came and checked on us and brought us extra food cuz they bring you food but only for one person and Joey's hungry too. And so they went and scavenged food for us. And so it really was a really great birthing experience, at the hospital, because we weren't there very long.
And so it was really awesome. And I cannot imagine trying to get through birth naturally being trapped in a bed. We talked about this later. I think if we had gone to the hospital right away, I couldn't have done it naturally. I think I would've ended up asking for an epidural really soon because I would've been stuck in a bed in a room and not been able to, to labor instinctively like I did at home.
And so I think that's really what made the biggest difference for me. just trying to lay in bed here through a couple contractions. I couldn't do it. I needed to be up and move. and so I'm really glad that we waited as long as we did, and I really wouldn't, I wouldn't change anything. Maybe for the next one, we go a little sooner.
Cause she almost came in the car and it was our first birth, which is supposed to not be that fast, but, Yeah. It was a really good experience. Yeah.
Lisa: I think I've already mentioned you might be a really good candidate for a home birth the next time. Cause if you don't plan it, it might just happen. Yeah.
Taylor: Yeah, it was really great.
Husband's Reflections
Lisa: Joey, I was wondering if you have any reflections on seeing Taylor give birth to your daughter?
Joey: My experience was kind of unexpected because, you watch movies or whatever and the baby's born and then, they're all crying and it's all about the baby.
But the actual birth didn't hit me as hard as watching her give birth. I think I was just, I was proud of her, obviously. And, grateful for what she's doing. But I felt really close to her in a way I'd never felt before. I mean, it was extremely powerful. it was like suddenly she was just different in my eyes.
I don't know how to explain that, but yeah, it was powerful for sure.
Taylor: Yeah. And he, I mean he was great. cuz like during, obviously like I didn't end up wanting him nearby, which is so strange because I'm a very affectionate, loving person. And so wanting to do it by myself, well not by myself, but without interference, was something I didn't expect.
But when I was actually pushing, he had both hands on my arm, was just holding me, and was actually being honest with how close I was and was telling me how great I was doing and whatever. But yeah, I feel like I could see it in his face like watching, like, oh my gosh, you're doing this.
Joey: Well, and I did leave my ring on to begin with, but I quickly took that off.
Lisa: Really? Whoops. That hurts. I think I'll take that ring off.
Joey: Well, cause I think we both expected her to get an epidural. , you're not historically that great with pain.
Taylor: I'm not,
Joey: but
Lisa: It's different. Right?
Joey: I was just, I was so proud.
It was awesome.
Mindset Shift
Taylor: Yeah. Cause whenever people asked me, oh, are you gonna, what's your plan for birth? cause everybody wants to know, are you gonna try to do natural or whatever? And my response was always, I'm gonna see how far I can get, but I'm not against getting an epidural.
That was my response. Cuz I wasn't like, if I ended up, if I was too exhausted, if it hurt, like I was gonna ask for one. and I did So, yeah, I was really determined. Like, your class really changed my mindset a lot, like just learning about everything that we're able to do, like what our bodies can do, and what they're engineered to do. That's what we're designed, it's the most natural thing in the world and it's actually not as terrifying as the movies and stuff make it look. And, I definitely was yelling, but I will say it wasn't in pain. Like when I was pushing, I wasn't yelling because it hurt. I was yelling as like a mechanism of get it out. let's go. It was just a method of pushing harder, I guess. when I was having contractions, I was making sounds, and that was from pain, but like the actual yelling wasn't until I was pushing and that was, not like painful. So yeah, it was really powerful to see like, oh my gosh, I just did that. I'm really cool. I felt really proud of myself and my entire family said the same thing, they came in and they were like, you did that on your own. I can't believe it. And, so it was just really, it was really powerful.
Postpartum Teamwork
Taylor: And he was a great support when I gave him permission to be, when I was like, hold my hand. That was the time. and then of course afterwards, when we were home, when we brought her home and everything, like he was just from the beginning really, bringing me water constantly, because that's not something you think about, but with breastfeeding you wanted to be really hydrated and, He was making sure I was eating and making sure I was getting my pain medicine, which is so funny that like my pain meds was Tylenol.
That's all they gave me. because I didn't have any sort of intervention. And so they were like, just take some ibuprofen, some Tylenol, whatever, that was it. but he was really good at making sure I was taken care of. and he changed every diaper. cuz I think that was from your class, that was a recommendation of like mom's responsible for the input, dad's responsible for the output. And so that was good, he would get up and he would change her and then I would feed her and all that. So.
Lisa: Nice. Yay for teamwork.
Postpartum Anxiety and Support
Lisa: Wonderful. so did you wanna share, any of your breastfeeding and postpartum journey
Taylor: Yeah, I can.
So initially, I ended up struggling a lot with I guess it was postpartum anxiety, and looking back on it in hindsight, and it didn't happen until like my milk came in cuz we were warned about the baby blues that happen cuz your hormones are changing so drastically.
But I just remember just crying for no, like I say no reason, like there's a reason, like there's a lot going on. But I would cry and cry and it wouldn't really happen until nighttime, like it would get dark and I would just feel very, very anxious. And like, everyone's gone. All the visitors are gone.
It's just us. And I felt like I couldn't breathe and it was very stressful. And that was only like a couple of days after. And I think my parents were visiting and my mom was comforting me while I was crying. And she said, okay, I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna get my stuff and I'm gonna stay.
And I was like, you don't have to do that. She's like I'm going to, so I'll see you in a few minutes. she didn't give me an option. Cuz initially she had told me you let me know if you need me, if you'd want me to stay. But then she just made the judgment call. And so what mom did was, Evelyn would sleep in her bassinet out in the living room with mom, like overnight.
And so what that looked like was, We would go to sleep in our room and then we would get up, we set alarms, we would get up and change her and feed her, and then we'd put her back in the bassinet. And so mom's role was basically just, if Evie got upset or needed comforting at all during the night, then that's what mom's job was so that we could get some sleep.
And not like every single sound she made, sit up and look. And so that, I think that was the only way we survived those first couple weeks cuz I think mom stayed with us for two solid weeks, doing that. And that made a world of difference. and his parents would come over and cook for us.
Like they would bring their own dishes and everything, so we didn't even have to worry about dishes being left at our house. So they would bring their own pots and pans and everything, and just cook for us and then clean everything up. and they stayed a few nights as well. I think they would alternate at some point.
I think my mom went back to work and so they started alternating nights where his parents would stay, my mom would stay. and they did the same thing. And so that was really great. So many people brought us food. and so that helped a lot with my postpartum anxiety.
Breastfeeding Struggles
Taylor: But breastfeeding was really tough and I didn't realize, I feel like that was maybe a big part of it and I wasn't realizing that until now.
But she had trouble staying on, like she would latch but then she would let go after a few minutes and it was just a struggle. And she would scream cuz she's hungry and I'm trying and I'm crying and she's crying. We're all crying. And, so eventually I just started using, the hospital gave us a shield, to use like a nipple shield.
And so that's what I was using. To help her latch. And it got to the point where I was like, either I'm fighting with her to do this, to latch on her own, or I just use the shield so that she gets fed. and so that's what I was doing because that was the only way she was gonna get anything. and so we had tried getting in with lactation consultants, but no one was calling us back.
and the way they made it sound was like, because it's a department inside the hospital, there's no like number you can call. They have to like, refer you. and so we were waiting. And there were no calls and so we just kept using the shield and I knew,and Joey and I had talked about it, we knew that there could be consequences from that, but I was like, this is the only way she's eating and so I'm not willing to fight that right now.
Cuz I was exhausted and I just needed her to eat and that was not a battle that I wanted to fight anymore. and so that's what we were doing, and she was doing fine. And then we went to our four month appointment and she was not on the growth curve for her weight. She was not gaining enough weight.
And so I was like, clearly she's not getting enough to eat. which I had thought my supply was maybe decreasing, and she had gone on a few nursing strikes and things like that. and so the doctors recommended maybe start supplementing with formula, keep going. And they even recommended, like start pumping, every two hours and set alarms for overnight.
And I just remember thinking really like that just sounded so daunting. Yeah. And I was like, I'm already feeding her every two, three hours right now. And now I have to also, when am I supposed to do all this? And so I just remember crying but also feeling like, oh, I did it to myself a little bit because like we were using a shield and we didn't get in with a consultant.
Lisa: Mom guilt is real isn't it ? Like we heap guilt on ourselves for too many things.
Switching to Pumping
Taylor: Yeah, so I did, I started pumping, every two hours. And when I was doing that, I was realizing how little supply I actually had at that point. And I was like, well, no wonder she's not gaining weight and no wonder like she can be grumpy.
And, she's still wanting to eat every two hours, even at four or five months old. That explains a lot. And so I was doing the pumping and my supply was not increasing at all. And so, I just actually just last week stopped pumping because it got to the point where every time I did it was just uncomfortable.
And there just wasn't much output like I think toward the end, I was only producing two ounces a day total from both combined. and so I was like, this is not working, this is not. And my doctor did say, your supply might not increase from doing this. He said, so try it and it may not work, and that's also totally normal.
It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. So, I mean, he was very kind, in his explanation. But yeah, so finally I just, I stopped pumping and now luckily though we have enough, we froze a lot of breast milk at the beginning, when my supply was very heavy. And so we're still using that. And so she gets about like half breast milk, half formula still right now.
And she's about to be six months. And so we'll be doing that until we run out of whatever's frozen. But when I stopped breastfeeding, I felt like a new person, like I just felt so much better and Evie was happier and was taking longer naps. and I just didn't realize how big of a toll that was taking on me.
Breastfeeding Advice
Taylor: And so I guess if I was gonna give advice to someone else who was having a hard time, like definitely be persistent if you want to see a lactation consultant, if you feel like something's not going right, fight for it, because I admittedly did not, but I was also very just tired.
I was tired of doing it and I was like, well, if they're not gonna call me, they're not gonna call me. I'm not gonna try to go now that she's four months old. What is that gonna do? and part of that was my frustration too. but yeah, so I would definitely, I would say call a lactation consultant or keep calling your doctor until someone does.
If you want to keep breastfeeding and if you feel like something's off, that would be my recommendation, cuz I definitely think I struggled longer than I should have. . But yeah, so now that I'm not doing that, for me, life is great, I feel great. So yeah, but that was tough.
Out of everything, out of postpartum recovery, out of the lack of sleep, breastfeeding was the hardest thing for me. and so I'm a little sad that it didn't work like I wanted it to. cuz I had visions of breastfeeding for a year and all of these things and it just didn't work that way.
Lisa: You did a lot of breastfeeding. You got a lot of, a lot of great human milk to your baby. And you need to be mentally healthy, for yourself and your baby and your husband need you to be healthy. and so I commend you for, for the choices that you've made because you matter, and yeah, we need to get away from the dogma of only breast, cuz yeah. That should not come at the expense of our mental health.
Taylor: No. And, I have a lot of friends who were very supportive and said, I went through the same thing. And so I think it's something that people need to, openly talk about because I felt like I was failing, making the switch and then stopping.
And I felt like I wasn't doing what was best for her, but I was doing what was best for me. And so I think it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. Whatever helps you survive and not hate your life, I think is what's really important. And so, yeah. So I'm glad that we are where we are now.
Lisa: Yeah, that plus the other thing that comes to mind is just frustration with our country's lack of support for families. Because you should have been able to find a lactation consultant and get a call back, you know that, and I know you, you've talked with me about like that there's really, there seemed to be very few like doulas and maybe independent lactation consultants as well in your area.
And so just like accessibility needs to increase, we need to do better at that because. I mean, you shouldn't have had to struggle so much and if you'd had better support, that might have gone differently. But that's not your fault.
Taylor: Yeah. We actually, we finally got a call from a lactation consultant when she was almost five months old and the message was, we're so sorry. We see that you had multiple referrals, but there was some bug in our system and we weren't getting them. And so I think it was just like the perfect storm. And at that point I was like, thanks, but no thanks.
Career Change
Lisa: Yeah. That makes sense. Well, did you wanna share a little bit about your career change that you've been
Taylor: Yes.
Lisa: Talking with me about ?
Taylor: So, I taught high school English, and, as soon as she was born, I was looking at her like, I can't go back to work. I just, I can't do it. I didn't think it was gonna be that hard. and I talked to,
Lisa: And didn't you also recently complete a master's in administration, school administration?
Taylor: Yes. I graduated in the pandemic. And so with my master's in educational administration, and I feel like I still have more to do, but for now, like I made the decision that I needed to not go back if I could. And Joey and I talked about it. and so I resigned from my job in August right before school started.
But the reason the timing worked out was because my maternity leave was not gonna be up until October, and so I was gonna have someone in my spot anyway, so it wasn't a very frantic, last minute thing, otherwise I probably wouldn't have resigned. But I did and my principal was very supportive and totally understood and did not make me feel guilty at all.
And my coworkers and even my students were very supportive. So I resigned from that. and of course I started working for you .
Lisa: Yay.
Taylor: So I've been doing a lot of behind the scenes stuff for you and for the East River Doula Collective, and the podcast and all the fun things. and so it's that, and then I'm gonna start, doing some contract work for Joey's company as well. Just to make some extra money. And then recently, in doing the work that I've been doing for you and ever since class and our birth story, I've really felt very interested and very called and pulled in the direction of continuing to learn about birth.
And so, I'm looking into options to become a doula myself, because there seems to be such a lack of options in our area. and I'm seeing an increasing number of my friends looking for birth support through doulas. And so I would love to be able to be an option for people and, looking into being a certified childbirth educator as well.
Because I've loved sharing what I've learned from you and from our class and everything, and I think if more people knew what we did and experienced what we did, like I don't think birth would be as scary. And, there's people with some really traumatic birth stories that I know, personally that when I read them or when they tell them, there's so many things, so many red flags that pop up that I'm like, why?
Like learning what we learned from your class. Like why was no one there to say this isn't necessary? Or why are you doing this and why didn't they ask this and why did they tell her this? And so, yeah, so I'm looking into options for doing that myself. So I don't know what the future holds as far as returning to teaching.
I imagine I still will at some point, just to go back while maybe I'm figuring out everything else. Cuz I do love teaching, and I love my students and my school and so I would like to return eventually. But in what capacity, I'm not sure. So yeah, but that was a big, huge blessing.
Being able to stay home with her for this first year of life it's been a game changer.
Lisa: And of course that just brought immense joy to my heart. When I heard that, I knew that you had had a new just love and fascination with birth stuff, but like I was so excited when I heard that you might wanna actually make that a profession.
So I'm here for that for sure.
Final Insights and Reflections
Lisa: So are there any other things that you haven't gotten to share that you would like to share or any final kind of insights or tips that you wanted to leave with the listeners today?
Joey: I have two quick tips.
Lisa: Yeah, please.
Joey: The first is if you're changing the diaper to put the new diaper under the old one before you remove it. Learned that at the hospital. And then for me, for some reason, I'm very irritable when I'm tired, so. Especially for people like me, get noise canceling earplugs for the first few weeks because it'll just help you stay calm during the wailing.
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. And when he ordered noise canceling headphones, I remember like being offended. You're not gonna listen to our baby cry?
Lisa: Like, you're tuning out.
Joey: I can still hear. It just prevents me,
Lisa: muffling it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Taylor: I feel like for moms, like we hear the baby cry and it's an instinctive, like, oh my gosh, right? You wanna comfort, you wanna fix it. But I feel like a lot of times for dads it can just be like irritating almost. Oh my gosh, what is your problem? Because it's, I feel like we're just wired differently. and so for him that he would just put in headphones and you'd be fine.
And I was fine just listening to it, cuz I needed to hear it and I needed to know what to do. so I had to get over
Lisa: the irritation.
Taylor: I was like, You're not gonna listen to the screaming like I am. but it worked. And so, yeah, that, that was something, did you read that somewhere?
Joey: Yeah.
Taylor: Where?
Joey: in the book she gave me
Taylor: Oh yeah. The Welcome to Fatherhood.
Lisa: Uh Huh WTF
That's, that's right. Yeah. I remember that part, now that you say it.
Taylor: Yeah. So that was helpful. And he got me a pair as well, which I didn't use as often, but I did use them a couple times when I needed to take a nap.
And she was not restful. She was in the other room and she would cry, cause I, I wasn't nearby or whatever, but there were times where I just, I needed to sleep and not to comfort for a minute. And so I would leave her with whoever was there, him or parents or whoever. And I would just put in the headphones and take a nap.
So yeah, I think it was a good purchase in the early days for sure.
Joey: And well, me specifically, I like to be prepared for stuff. So before I do something, I try to learn everything about it. So I would highly recommend taking a class somewhere and learning as much as you can so that you're prepared for all the things that the doctors are gonna say to you or wanna do at certain points.
Yeah, should you get an epidural or when is it too late? What are they gonna put in your IV and how might they try to speed up the process? All that kinda stuff. .
Taylor: Yeah. Yeah. Cause I think if we had been at the hospital, like him being aware of all of that, knowing what I was like during labor, I would not have been in any sort of right mind to even hear the options I probably just would've, yeah, do whatever. So with him being informed about and going through birth class with me, he would've had the state of mind to like actually ask the questions and make me consider different options so I think it's really important not only to take a class, but do it together.
And make sure, whoever is in the room with you, your mom, your sister, Your partner, whoever,that they're informed. Cause I would not have been able to do that on my own, that's for sure.
Joey: And the only thing I had ever heard about birth was that you should try to let gravity help you as much as you can.
And so my greatest concern for her was that she would end up in a bed early and then be there for a long time. So I wanted to learn all that I could to help prevent that.
Lisa: Nice.
Taylor: Yeah. Walking, being upright,
Lisa: All her pacing, all that pacing paid off .
Joey: Yeah. And then I would think the most important thing for us was figuring out how to get sleep in the first few weeks cuz we were getting up every two hours to feed, change a diaper.
And so we had to learn to get a four hour stretch of sleep in there. And that, that made a world of difference.
Taylor: It did. and having people come over just to hold Evelyn and let us go take a nap. I think the first time someone did that, we slept so hard and I think it was only for like an hour, but we woke up and we were like, that was awesome.
And we just felt so good. So yeah, figuring out sleep. and I think at her two day appointment, the pediatrician really scared me because she said, a sleepy baby is a hungry baby. because she said if she's sleeping too much, then she's not getting enough to eat cuz she's not active. and so I was really paranoid about, no, I've gotta wake up every two hours.
But there's other signs of a healthy baby , enough diapers, when she's awake, is she, you know, interacting? Is she active and all that stuff. and she was gaining weight . So, I had to get past that. And realize that sleep does not necessarily mean something bad.
But she is also, she's been a really great sleeper, knock on wood, from the beginning. So I think that also is maybe part of it that she's, she just likes to sleep. So hopefully that lasts.
Lisa: Knocking on wood right now.
Great. Well thank you so much. This has been so fun to hear even more detail than I had heard before. Cuz I had heard the story but there were certain things you shared tonight that were new to me. Thank you so much Taylor and Joey.
Taylor: You're welcome. Thank you for having us on.