Today, Meredith & Thomas share their story of an uncomplicated, unmedicated vaginal birth in Atlanta, Georgia. Hear these 5-week old parents give tips for moving during pregnancy as they describe their last-minute, third trimester move from Brooklyn to Atlanta, moving in with Meredith’s parents. You’ll hear the ways in which they believe they received care that was more aligned with their preferences than they might have received in New York. They’ll also share about early breastfeeding, including how the laid-back breastfeeding position (detailed in the Natural Breastfeeding online course she’ll refer to) was so much less painful and easier than other positions, how getting a bit overzealous with pumping in the early days backfired, and how receiving expert support from a lactation consultant made a difference for the better. Finally, they’ll describe how they tag-teamed the baby responsibilities in the first few weeks and briefly discuss soothing techniques that have worked for their daughter.
Episode Topics:
Moving back to Atlanta closer to family, finding new care provider
Contractions start in middle of night
Going in to care provider’s office for prenatal, confirming it’s labor
Running errands in early labor
Waiting room for an hour, things get intense
Not getting IV, having intermittent monitoring
Coping techniques once admitted -- double hip squeeze, vocalization
Vomiting
Getting urge to push while on toilet, Thomas calls nurses
Being surprised that she wanted to push on her back (but mostly sitting up) in the bed, finding coaching helpful, eye contact with Thomas helpful
Not wanting to feel baby’s head when crowning
Description of waiting room upon arrival at hospital
Early postpartum & breastfeeding
Pumping a bit too much at first
Baby blues
Dividing up the responsibilities between parents
Soothing techniques that work for their daughter
Resources:
Natural Breastfeeding online course (preview/read more here, but purchase with Lisa’s discount here)
*Disclosure: Links on this page to products may be affiliate links; I may receive a small commission on any products you purchase at no additional cost to you.
Transcript:
Lisa: 00:00
You're listening to the Birth Matters Podcast Episode 20
Meredith: 00:03
But the pain is—yeah, as we talked about in the birth class, the pain is really different from any type of pain you've ever experienced. And I, like—it's happening to you and, you know it has an end. So it's a really different mindset because all you have to do is endure. And you know that, you know, your body is doing what it needs to do and so...It is obviously very painful, but it was definitely something that could be handled, that you could endure.
Lisa: 00:38
Hey there! And welcome to the Birth Matters Show. I'm your host, Lisa Greaves Taylor, founder of Birth Matters NYC Childbirth Education and Labor Support. This show is here to lessen your overwhelm on the journey into parenthood by equipping and encouraging you with current best evidence info and soulful interviews with parents and birth pros. Please keep in mind the information on this show is not intended as medical advice or to diagnose or treat any medical conditions. Please remember that we welcome your feedback on the show. Let us know what you like, what you don't like and what you'd like to hear or learn in future episodes. Reach out to us on Facebook or Instagram @birthmattersnyc. Or you can email us at podcast@ birthmattersnyc.com.
Lisa: 01:25
Today, Meredith and Thomas share their story of an uncomplicated, unmedicated vaginal birth in Atlanta, Georgia. Hear these five-week-old parents give tips for moving during pregnancy as they describe their last minute third trimester move from Brooklyn to Atlanta, moving in with Meredith's parents. You'll hear the ways in which they believe they received care that was more aligned with their preferences than they might have received in New York. They will also share about early breastfeeding, including how the "laid back" breastfeeding position, detailed in the Natural Breastfeeding Online Course she'll refer to, was so much less painful and easier than other positions, how getting a bit overzealous with pumping in the early days backfired, and how receiving expert support from a lactation consultant made a difference for the better. Finally, they'll describe how they tag-teamed the baby responsibilities in the first few weeks and briefly discuss soothing techniques that have worked for their daughter.
Lisa: 02:20
Before we begin today's story, this episode is brought to you by the Natural Breastfeeding Online Course. Are you wondering what breastfeeding will be like? Have you heard it's really hard and really painful from friends? I would like to share with you this fantastic online course that was created by top breastfeeding experts. In the natural breastfeeding online course, here are just a few things you'll learn: that breastfeeding doesn't have to be painful, and it shouldn't be, and how the position you breastfeed in can make all the difference in the world; the 40-day blueprint to maximize milk production and help you meet your long term goals, including returning to work; how to relax while breastfeeding so you don't have to choose between getting your rest and feeding your baby; how to prepare your home environment for safety and convenience; how to identify when you need to get help and where to find it; and the most common reasons breastfeeding derails. The course is broken down into 60 brief videos, each titled as common questions new breastfeeding parents have, so you can pick and choose the questions you have or go through all of it. While the regular price of the course is $147, because I'm a professional member, I'm thrilled to offer this course to you at a steep discount. To learn more or grab the course, visit the show notes for this episode at birthmattersshow.com or visit birthmattersnyc.com/links and click the Natural Breastfeeding Online course button.
Lisa: 03:50
Now let's get started with today's birth story.
Lisa: 03:53
Hello, hello. Meredith and Thomas are with me today. Welcome to the Birth Matters Podcast, you guys.
Meredith: 04:01
Thanks for having us.
Thomas: 00:00
Hi.
Lisa: 04:01
Exhausted new parents, they're just about at the month mark. Just a little past the month mark. You want to share a little bit about your baby, and how long ago you gave birth?
Meredith: 04:12
Yes. Yeah, she's five weeks and change. And we gave birth four days before the due date October 12 here in Atlanta.
Lisa: 04:25
Yeah. So you just recently moved, right, from Brooklyn?
Meredith: 00:00
Yes. It was quite a big transition. We moved September 1st. I was about seven months pregnant. And it was kind of a quick decision that—we both have our own company, and just a lot of things collided to make us feel that we really needed to move. We're both from Atlanta. And so we made kind of a last minute call to pack up and move down south. And so we were here for about a month and a half before Rose was born.
Thomas: 04:30
Yeah. And the decision to move obviously came after we had committed to having the baby in Brooklyn and bought a crib and a changing table.
Lisa: 05:11
Oh, wow.
Thomas: 05:13
We had to make the move with all that stuff, but yeah, as Meredith said, it just kind of—as we got closer and closer, it started to make more and more sense to get out.
Lisa: 05:25
Did any of that decision have to do with feeling like you might need support with having a little baby?
Thomas: 05:32
I don't think we've fully realized at the time how much support would mean. So I'm not sure that was a huge factor, but it definitely was something that we thought about and recognized would be good. But we were pretty sure that we could handle it in Brooklyn. And now, thinking back on what our situation would have been, versus what it is, it's a little scary, because it would have been a lot harder there.
Meredith: 05:58
I think the main thing really was we have our own business. And so we were a little worried about what that might look like, you know, financially and with getting work while managing a new baby. So we figured, you know, if we—if it was a situation where I had parental leave and we could both go back to a really study job, then that would be something very manageable in New York. But balancing all of that, we were like, "We can either have a baby or have our own business. We can't do both in New York, but we can do both in Atlanta, so....
Lisa: 06:32
Great. And I'm just curious. I have a lot of students who do move right around—either right before the birth or right after the birth. Did you feel like doing it before was better? And do you have any tips for people who are moving in pregnancy?
Meredith: 06:47
Yeah. I initially thought—I mean, even when we had decided, you know, we kind of made a decision, "Okay, we're going to stay in New York." And we kind of dug in, went IKEA, got the crib and everything. And the plan was kind of that we would take some time off and then if, you know, it really hit the fan and it wasn't working, then we could move a few months after, or you know, like January, February. And so that was kind of my backup plan. And after talking to some other, you know, mothers, that were just kind of like in my personal network, every time I mentioned that plan, they just like—the color drained from their face. They're like, "That's a terrible idea," like, "I would never want to move, like, with a newborn." And so I kind of realized that maybe I didn't have the full scope of what life with the baby would look like. So, based on their reactions, we kind of more seriously considered moving before, and then, just because of timing, not being able to travel, you know, at a certain point in your pregnancy, we had to kind of pull the trigger fast. But in terms of tips for moving while pregnant, you don't really have to do much.
Lisa: 07:52
I hope not.
Meredith: 07:54
You make sure everyone else is...
Thomas: 07:57
We had help from friends and family moving. So Meredith got to chill for the most part, once we got the initial scramble of packing done.
Lisa: 08:05
Good.
Thomas: 08:06
In retrospect, I mean, you know, we obviously didn't give birth in New York, but we learned a lot about what the system there is like. And I mean, just objectively, it's way better here in Atlanta. I mean, our experience, was pretty good. We'll get into that with the birth story. But we gave birth at Northside Hospital, which, supposedly is the best labor and delivery unit in the entire nation.
Lisa: 08:29
Wow. From what perspective, I wonder?
Thomas: 08:31
What would you say? I mean, that's what they say, in like of their terms of their practice....
Thomas: 08:35
Good marketing?
Meredith: 08:35
I think, yeah, I think it's probably the number of babies they deliver...? Yeah, but they— it was extremely comfortable, the whole process, So, yeah, they clearly have a lot of experience. And we were at Mount Sinai. We didn't visit the labor and delivery unit there, but just that environment and stuff definitely felt a lot different than where we delivered.
Lisa: 09:05
And how did you find where you were going to deliver in Atlanta. And how did you find your care provider? Did you have to do that long-distance or did you do it once you got there?
Lisa: 09:13
No. It was kind of in the scramble of moving. So right before, we had an added complication of—our insurance was New York-specific, so we had to completely change our insurance. But, yeah, we moved in with my parents here, just sort of in this transition. And I had a lot of friends back home, who—in Georgia, they tend to have babies sooner—so a lot of people my age that had recently had babies here, and so I just asked him for recommendations. And actually, my OB delivered one of my mom's friend's children who are my age. So he's got a lot of experience.
Thomas: 09:54
That was one tip, maybe for moving, we found—and this was something people had told us that I kind of brushed off—but a lot of practices are not willing to take new patients past the 30 week mark. And luckily, this doctor that we found was willing to take Meredith when we moved. You were what, like, 30...
Meredith: 10:13
I was 34 weeks when we got here.
Thomas: 10:16
So luckily, they said they would take her, but we actually had a few practices turn us down. Said they would not take us as a new patient at that point in the pregnancy.
Lisa: 10:27
That's so bizarre to me when you're moving. Like, you have to switch care providers. I would think that they would make an exception. Unless they just don't have capacity, of course. But, huh. Well, I'm glad you found a care provider. And how many—once you moved there, how long were you there before you gave birth?
Meredith: 10:45
We were here for about a month and a half.
Thomas: 10:49
Yeah, we got here on September 1st and then went into labor on October 12. So...
Lisa: 10:54
So you had a few visits with your practice before?
Meredith: 10:57
Yeah.
Lisa: 10:58
Kind of got to know them a little bit.
Meredith: 11:00
Yeah, from 36 weeks you're meeting them every week, so it's about the same number in the end as I saw my OB in New York.
Lisa: 11:10
Well, do you wanna—I don't if you want to comment on anything that happened in your pregnancy before, or if not, you can just jump into however birth started, labor started.
Meredith: 11:20
Yes, we had been working on a pretty big project for our business, and we wrapped it about 36 hours before I went into labor. But, yeah, I started feeling contractions on, let's see on Thursday night, Friday morning at about 3:30, and it was something that I had anticipated for a while because there's—I think that's a really nerve-wracking part for a woman is like, how you know when it's gonna start, and kind of being able to identify when it's starting. So, yeah, I started. I thought I just had kind of like indigestion or something, or ate something weird, and I just started noticing them. It wasn't like, super painful. It's just a pretty different feeling than I'd ever felt, and so I just lay awake from about 3:30 until 8 a.m. when Thomas woke up, and they weren't really intense, I just told him, you know, "I think I'm having contractions." And he believed me, but...
Thomas: 12:20
I just, you know, we heard so much. Obviously every birth story is different, but you hear stories of women getting contractions weeks before they actually go into labor. It was a few days before our due date, so I was like, "Okay, you're having contractions, But we're not going into labor yet. You'll have a little bit of time here."
Meredith: 12:40
And I was like, "No, I'm really having contractions. Like it's probably gonna happen." You're like, "No, no, false alarm."
Thomas: 12:46
Yeah, "Just take it easy." Yeah. So we made an appointment with the OB to go see him that afternoon. And when we went in, he was like, "Oh, yeah, you're—this is it. You're gonna give birth tonight."
Meredith: 12:59
That was kind of—yeah, I was having the contractions. And then when we went to see the doctor, when we were sitting in the waiting room, it was kind of like, "Let's bet on whether this is for real or whether he's gonna tell us to go home and chill out." So, yeah, once I got there, I was, I think, three centimeters, and fully effaced. And so we were like, "OK, it's happening." And that was about 3 p.m. So I'd had these kind of lighter contractions for about 12 hours, and then he said we could go to the hospital right away or we could wait. So we actually left and did some errands and went home And just, you know, had in mind what we learned in the birth class, which is really try to wait until you're pretty ready to go to the hospital. And I did not want to be there until it was "game on."
Meredith: 13:47
So we just went home and, I had some dinner and they were starting to get a bit more intense. And so we finally left for the hospital. We also hadn't planned. It was four days early, which you should be fully prepared, but we didn't have a hospital bag packed. We didn't have anything ready? We didn't install the car seat. Thomas was scrambling in the driveway to install the car seat. We were trying to get everything ready, and then around seven, we left for the hospital, and then we were in the waiting room, actually, for like, an hour just waiting to get a room. And that was a time where it kind of veered into being more intense, and I couldn't really talk during the contractions and stuff. And then...do you want to take the next part?
Thomas: 14:36
And then from there it was just really—I mean, it was quick in terms of labor, but looking back, it just felt like no time passed at all between getting in there and, you know, the baby coming. It was—I mean, we got into a room probably around 8-8:30 and Meredith gave birth at 12:28 AM so, you know, it was a bit of time, but she was already well into it at that point. I kind of liked, you know, that we didn't sit in a hospital room, just sitting around waiting for things. I mean, by the time we got in there, it was on. So, yeah, we were just—you were fully into more intense contractions and things were—they were fluctuating a little bit in terms of how long they were lasting and the amount of time in between. But it was pretty consistent. I mean, I don't think you had more than a minute or two's break between contractions or so.
Meredith: 15:35
Yeah, once we got in there, they had to do some—you know, they wanted to put the monitor on me initially, and, luckily—so we actually gave them our birth plan as soon as we got there. And so they read through that while I was a bit more coherent, which is good. And essentially, it was just that we don't—we want as little intervention as possible. So she gave me the monitor knowing I didn't want to be on it. And so I just had to do the 20 minutes on, you know, however many—40 minutes off, and I only had to do that, I think twice or something. It was not really that much time. And then I didn't have to get an IV, which was really good. And so during that kind of initial period, they did, like an initial check in. And then they were kind of like, out of the room, which was good. And...
Thomas: 16:21
They put you on the wireless monitor, then, as well.
Meredith: 16:23
Yeah, and they told Thomas, you know, "Call us when she gets into stage two," you know, like the next phase, and that they said, like, "You'll know when you get there." So, yeah, I was doing a lot of the kind of calming techniques and stuff in that first period and tried a lot of different things, like walking around. And we tried the Rebozo, the repose. I didn't work as well for us, I wouldn't say. But I think also one thing I didn't realize is that, like, once you're in that phase of having contractions and kind of dealing with it, you don't want to spend hardly any amount of time trying stuff, and you can practice as much as you want before labor. But you don't know how it's gonna feel once you're in labor. So we tried a few different positions and I was just like, I couldn't really, like, endure "Let's try, you know, slightly different variations." I was just like, "No, it's not working." So we moved on to kind of walking around and he would walk with me.
Thomas: 17:23
I did a little bit of I think the one thing that really did help you was the pressure on the sides of the hips
Thomas: 17:30
The double hip squeeze.
Thomas: 17:30
The nurses were like, "Wow, you guys are really prepared." So, we had a yoga mat and you were kind of down on all fours, and we were doing some of that counter-pressure on the sides. And one thing Meredith didn't mention was that pretty soon after we got in there, she started vomiting pretty badly. Which was something we didn't–I don't know if you had mentioned that in the class or we just missed it, but...
Lisa: 17:57
Yeah, in transition, yeah, especially. Was that–do you know, were you like eight or nine centimeters when this was happening, or was it earlier?
Meredith: 18:08
You know, I don't know how many.
Thomas: 18:09
I don't think it was that much. That was actually–just to go back a bit–was something that really surprised us and was a little bit maybe disheartening was, you know, we had been to the doctor at 3 PM and he said Meredith was 3 centimeters, so we were like, "Oh, it's 8 PM. Now we're gonna be, like, right along." And they were like, "You're 3 and 1/2 centimeters." So it was kind of like, "Wow, not much really changed," but then it really accelerated from there, but
Meredith: 18:40
But yeah, I started just vomiting. I had the wise idea to have like a big cup of soup right before we left for the hospital, and that came straight up. So yeah, and I don't really vomit normally. So I was a little shocked to have that. And it was just really–it felt also, too, like I was just being hit by lightning. Almost like–it was just, like, really, really intense. Very quick. And that was definitely the moment of transition. And yeah, after that, things ramped up real fast, and I got–my contractions were just really close together. Extremely intense. I had taken–yeah, they gave me, like, a little something for nausea because she had told me to stop drinking water. And I was like, "I can't. I'm parched. Like I can't not..."
Lisa: 19:32
Yeah, especially without an IV.
Meredith: 19:34
Yeah. So she said, "If you're not gonna drink water, then we have to stop the nausea. Otherwise, it's not going to go well." But yeah. Then they left again. They were pretty much out of the room, like, for the most part. And then it got a lot more intense. The screaming intensified. And yeah, I think you know, in terms of, like, talking about medication, and if–you know, I had this thought of "I want to go for all natural and not have any medication. But I'm open to, you know, if there are complications, or just if I feel differently, that I would be open to it. But I have to say that once I got to the moment where it was really intense, I wasn't really like in the right mindset to even make that call. So I don't think I really could've, like, decided to have medication because I was already too far gone.
Thomas: 20:29
You were just dealing with it.
Meredith: 20:30
Yeah, yes, just dealing with every moment. And, you know, if it had gone on much longer–I had actually a pretty short, very short labor, all things considered–if that had gone on much longer, I might have had the thought of, "Okay, I really can't endure this anymore," but, yeah, things got really intense really fast. And, Thomas kind of–you want to talk about when you...?
Thomas: 20:53
Yeah. So Meredith actually found some comfort and sitting on the toilet and just being in that position. So she was in the bathroom when I was with her, and I could tell by her screams that it was like, "Okay, we've moved on to the next phase." So I called the nurses and our nurse who had been assigned to us was actually in another room at the time. So they sent the nursing lead or whoever was on at that time, and it turned out, later we found out that there were, like, three women giving birth all within a few minutes of each other. So the staff was a little bit stretched thin. But as soon as the nurse came in, she was like, "Okay, get her off the toilet Because I don't want this baby coming in the toilet," which was like, we knew then that it was really happening very soon and they kept telling us, "The doctor's coming, the doctor's coming," which was really just something to calm us down, because the doctor was not coming because she was delivering another baby. But, so we had a couple nurses in there, and then eventually the doctor did come, but so we got Meredith off the toilet and got her in the bed and from there where it was, really, you were into pushing very soon after that, I would say.
Meredith: 22:13
I think when the nurse came in, you know, when Thomas kind of alerted her, I was really bearing down. It was, like, uncontrollable. I really couldn't stop it. So she was instructing me to really try not to bear down, because the doctor was not in the room.
Lisa: 22:29
That's such a challenging request. It's very common. And it's like, "How can I not? Like, everything in my body is telling me to bear down!"
Meredith: 22:38
Yeah. Yeah, so that was really difficult, but I understood that I needed to do that before the doctor came. So another thing I was a little bit surprised by is I really thought that I would want to give labor in, like, more of a standing up position, or a different position from laying down. And I ended up...I think I was mostly sitting up in the bed, but it turns out that that didn't really matter as much to me. I think you know, there are so many other factories and I was like, "I really want to not be in the bed and lie down like that." And it just—at that point, it really didn't matter what position I was in. It just felt so intense.
Meredith: 23:19
So yeah, the doctor finally came, and the nurse was there with me. And they gave really great specific instructions for pushing, which I found super helpful, saying that, you know, they would instruct me on when to kind of hold my breath, and when to push with all my might and described, "You know, you're gonna feel burning and you really have to push through that." And then they would tell me, you know, when it was, you know, time to try to relax or try to breathe. So that was really, really helpful. And I think it probably pushing this probably 20 minutes, 20 or 30 minutes. So and Thomas was right there helping me and, you know, lock locking in on the icon talked, I thought was really helpful. In terms of, like, things that my partner did to really help, I think, like, having that really focused eye contact—and he was just like, nose to nose with me basically—that was really, really helpful because it helped me focus on something and not just be... I found when I was looking elsewhere, I felt really out of control. But when I could lock in on him, that helped me really focus on how it was feeling and kind of being able to control my breathing and pushing and stuff a little bit more. So, yeah, I was probably, like, five or six pushes, like maybe a few pushes before anything happened. And then, yeah, a few more pushes, her head, and the body was out, so yeah
Meredith: 24:51
I was surprised at how little the doctor actually did. They just stand there and wait for it to come out. It was all Meredith.
Lisa: 24:58
Right? Yeah. All
Thomas: 24:59
There is no help, there's no, you know, they can give some instruction, but no one is doing anything except for her.
Meredith: 25:09
But the pain is—yeah, as we talked about in the birth class, the pain is really different from any type of pain you've ever experienced. And I, you know, like, it's happening to you and you, you know, it has an end. So it's a really different mindset because all you have to do is endure, and you know that, you know, your body is doing what it needs to do, and so. It's obviously very painful. But it was definitely something that could be handled, that you could endure, because, yeah, because of how different it was compared to, you know, other types of pain. Yeah. So she was born. They said that the umbilical cord was a little short, so she couldn't quite come up all the way on my chest, but yeah, the hospital was—just their general kind of practice was really in line with what we learned in the birth class in terms of what would be an ideal environment. So we had the lights down. Like we said, the nurses were really not involved. They had aromatherapy. And yeah, that was a really kind of soothing environment. And then they put the baby on your chest, and then until the cord stops pulsing, then they'll cut it. But that was kind of standard practice.
Lisa: 26:22
Wow, that's nice. That's not standard here.
Thomas: 26:26
They have a "golden hour" policy. So they're all about that, you know, skin-to-skin, and kind of—they do what they need to do and then everyone leaves the room And, you know, one of the things that we felt—and this extended beyond just the birth. But it sounded like a lot of New York is, of course, all about, like, get in here and get it done and get out. And there it's very much, like, I mean, "Stay as long as you want." We were surprised because we thought, you know, coming down to Georgia, it's a more conservative environment. And people are gonna be like, not as open to the things that were we want to do coming from a liberal place like New York...
Lisa: 27:07
Kinda alternative...
Thomas: 27:10
They were very open to it. Actually, the nurses were very—they said our labor was particularly exciting because no one goes unmedicated down here. So that was one. And then no one waits to find out the sex of their baby. So we had both. Double whammy for them, which made it extra exciting for them.
Meredith: 27:33
Yeah, yes. Oh, they actually—you talked about this in your birth class. But how, you know, when they're crowning that you can sometimes feel the head. And of course they asked me. I was like, "No, I don't want to feel it. Let's just get this baby out." So. But if I had felt it, I would have felt a lot of hair because she was born with a lot of here. But yeah, Thomas clamped the cord and announced that it was a girl. Yeah,
Thomas: 27:58
Yeah. They didn't put up any divider between us. I was up at Meredith's face, but I saw the whole thing.
Lisa: 28:06
I was just about to ask if you looked down as baby was crowning.
Thomas: 28:11
Yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's obviously not something you see every day, but I think it's—I mean, I'm very glad that I saw it. I, you know, I felt, even before we came to the birth class, that the female body is incredible. And just the whole process of growing a baby and giving birth is just insanely amazing. And I definitely felt that seeing it, you know.
Meredith: 28:38
Yeah. So we had, yeah, we had the golden hour. And of course, you know, after she was born, then I delivered the placenta. Which, you know, after birth seemed—relative to that, it's not that big a deal, but it's still painful. And then yeah, I had some tearing, so they stitched me up. And that was actually really painful. She seemed to be taking a long time. But that's a good thing, too, because obviously you want it to be done right? Yeah. And then we were there. My parents came in and we then were sent to the recovery room around 3:30, so from birth at 12:30 to 3 30 was golden hour. Then they did some of the tests. And then we were waiting for a room to be available. So yeah, then after that we were kind of on our own.
Lisa: 29:31
I wanted to just go back to when you first arrived at the hospital and you were in the waiting room for a while. Can you describe the environment of that a little bit? I'm just curious if you had, like, if you were actively doing some pain-coping things and like, how many people were around you, what was it like?
Meredith: 29:48
Sure. Yeah. It wasn't like a typical hospital waiting room. The chairs were kind of like in all different places. There were a few other women there who were in labor, also waiting for a room. Some of them were not in labor and were about to be induced, and they were at varying stages. I think I was probably the furthest along in terms of people who were just hanging out there. But I was just kind of sitting like in a reclined position, going a little bit into myself. It wasn't talking to anybody and, yeah, just breathing as they came. But it wasn't crazy intense at that time. So I was just trying to drink a lot of water, staying hydrated and kind of meditate on what was happening.
Thomas: 30:33
Yeah, it was a good environment. I don't know if it's the same in New York or in other places, but the—they called it The Women's Center—it was a completely separate building, you know, so there's no one in there who's not there for labor, or, you know, waiting for someone to give birth. So it was a pretty comfortable and calm environment. You know, a lot of times the hospital waiting room feels very hectic and there's all this noise and so much going on, and it was definitely not like that.
Meredith: 31:04
I will say I saw quite a few men going in and out of the—they had, like, these big doors into where the labor and delivery rooms were—they would kind of give me, like, a knowing look like, "I know what's about to happen to you!" I thought that was kind of funny.
Lisa: 31:22
And in triage, was that spacious, was it kind of a smaller room? And you said you didn't get an IV. Did they do a hep lock?
Meredith: 31:31
They did, yes. We just checked in in the waiting room, and then we went directly to the labor and delivery room.
Lisa: 31:40
Okay
Meredith: 31:41
So we didn't do triage in any separate room. And then once we got there....sorry, go ahead...
Lisa: 31:46
I was just gonna say, maybe they could tell you were far enough along that they're like, "Yeah, we don't even need to do the triage thing."
Meredith: 31:53
Yeah, and so then when we got into our room, they did the monitor and they did the hep lock. And anything else?
Thomas: 32:02
No.
Lisa: 32:03
All right, well, so we can go back to where you were after birth. And what happened in those hours after birth.
Thomas: 00:00
I was kind of surprised because I imagined—I don't know where I got this thought from, but I imagined like, "Oh, we're giving birth, and it's all this hard work she has to do, and we'll get some time to rest after that." But of course that doesn't happen. So birth at 12:28, and then, you know, at 4AM we're finally in the room that we're going to be in, but they're like, you know, we have to stay awake, we're waiting for the nurses to come in and do their initial check. So I kind of imagined we would just like go to our room and go to sleep. But obviously that didn't happen.
Meredith: 00:00
Yeah, I remember. We got up to the room and of course, we were exhausted. I was very exhausted, and we got up there and I said, "Finally, we can sleep." And the nurse comes in and she says, "So have you tried to breastfeed yet?" I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm so tired. I really have to breastfeed at this exact moment?" because I'd heard that, you know, you could wait a few hours after they're born. They don't need to feed right away. And so she encouraged me to try to express and try to breastfeed. And, yeah, that was the start of, obviously, my breastfeeding journey. And the first few weeks were really, really hard with breastfeeding. I didn't even—I was just getting a taste of that in the hospital. So, and then we let her sleep.
Thomas: 33:34
We sent her to the nursery first. Just for the first two-hour block. Because at that time you're still feeding every two hours. So once she had taken, I guess she took a little bit of colostrum in that first feeding. And then we sent her to the nursery so we could go down for two hours, and then they brought her back. And, you know, we kept doing that, so....
Meredith: 33:57
Yeah, yeah. I mean, the hospital environment in those first day or two is obviously really nice, because you don't know anything. You don't, like, you've learned how to swaddle maybe once, but you don't really know how to do it. And it's kind of just frightening to have this, like, tiny human that you're now responsible for, and that everyone trusts you with, when you have very little experience. So, yeah, it's good to have that feeling of people around you, and all of that. But I will say that, you know, the longer we stayed there, so many check-ins, you know, people checking in with you constantly to get your vitals and stuff. And, so, yeah, we were ready by the second day, really, to kind of be home and have our own environment because there was just a lot of—just people in and out all the time.
Lisa: 34:47
And was your postpartum room—well, two questions: did you—was labor and delivery separate from postpartum in this hospital? Yes. So you were transferring, and then the postpartum rooms, was that private, or was it shared?
Meredith: 35:00
It was private.
Lisa: 35:01
Oh, nice. That's something you don't get in New York City hospitals the vast majority of the time.
Meredith: 35:07
Yeah, it was really nice. And they had, like, a kind of flat area for Thomas to sleep, which was good.
Thomas: 35:14
Yeah. I mean, you have pretty nice rooms, all things considered, I would say. You know, private room, private bathroom with a shower, and, yeah, a place for me to sleep.
Lisa: 35:27
Did you feel like you got good breastfeeding support in the hospital?
Meredith: 35:34
I had—you know, the nurse gave some, like, scant instructions. And then I did have a lactation consultant come probably the second day. We had a little bit of trouble getting ahold of her. But yeah, you know, I'd learned stuff in practice, and obviously we'd seen videos. I had looked a little bit at the Natural Breastfeeding Course before. I wish I had spent a lot more time looking at that before, because then you're kind of in a stressful moment learning how to do it. But yeah, it was—I didn't get as much instruction as maybe I had anticipated. So we would do—I would like hand express into a spoon, and we would do it sometimes that way. But it was just overall really painful, and yeah, then kind of jumping ahead into the next few days, just staying on the breastfeeding line, she ended up losing—she was born at 6 pounds, 5 ounces and then she lost, I think—she went down to 5 pounds, 10 ounces, so she lost more than the recommended 7% or whatever. And so they said that that was because my milk hadn't come in, you know, kind of when it needed to, or a little bit delayed. So the whole kind of experience was really stressful for me, because obviously you want to produce for your—you know, your main job is to keep this child alive. And so it was really stressful to feel like I wasn't producing enough for her. But we did have some consultation in the hospital, and then I was able to call a lactation consultant, and she gave me some tips maybe like a week or two after birth as well.
Lisa: 37:15
So, do you feel like anything in particular helped things get better, or was it just time and practice?
Lisa: 37:22
Yeah, it's definitely a bit of time and practice. When I first got back from the hospital, you know, it was every two hours and, you know, obviously they count it—not obviously—but they count it from when you start feeding until when you feed next. So it was taking us an hour and a half to feed, burp, try to feed again, swaddle her, get her back to sleep, you know, and then 30 minutes later, we'd have to start all over again. So that was really, really exhausting. And also I was just like, "How does anyone do this?" That's so—such an unrealistic, like, duration for getting all of this done, especially when you have no experience. And yeah, the holds that I was trying like the cross cradle and football were not really working that much. So I started really looking into the breastfeeding course, the Natural Breastfeeding and just reading a lot more generally, other articles and stuff. And the Natural Breastfeeding positions, just reclining, lying down, I think, were what saved me because it allowed me—even though it hurt a little bit, it allowed her to really find a position that she was comfortable with. And I felt like, even if it hurt me a little bit, she was finding what was comfortable for her, and I at least didn't have to force her into a position that she didn't like. And I think the hands too, you know, like, infants are meant to have their hands up like that, but I was getting really frustrated with them getting in the way of the latch and everything. And that's just not an issue when you're reclining, because they're kind of like on the side of you. So, yeah, I really leaned into that reclining position, and it worked better on one breast than the other. But overall, it was much, much better than the other traditional holds that I tried. That was really helpful. Anything else?
Thomas: 39:20
One of—I think, one of the other things, especially after you talked to the lactation consultant, was, in those first couple of weeks when we were doing the two hours—every two hours, we were alternating, and Meredith would pump, and I would bottle feed. But I think you ultimately you were pumping a little too much. And it was like, that was creating issues
Lisa: 39:43
Like engorgement?
Meredith: 39:45
Yeah, well, basically. So I came home from the hospital, and I was just trying to breastfeed, and no one had told me—I thought this was—maybe you mentioned it and I missed it but—that, especially if your milk hasn't come in, that if you come home and just immediately pump, then that will help things move along. So I found that out a little bit late, but that really helped with my milk coming in. But then, I think because I'd been anxious about not having enough, I was a little bit overzealous in pumping and trying to produce enough. And so I had talked to a lactation consultant and she was like, "Well, how much have you pumped? You know, how many bags do you have?" And I was telling her, like, probably 10 or 12 and she's like, "You should have zero. Like, you should not be pumping for storage." I just was, like, trying to, I don't know. I just didn't know what to do. So she basically said—and we were out of the woods in terms of her weight. So we were able to move to a better schedule, not the two hours we were going, like 3 hours, really. But she basically said, "You need to be either breastfeeding or pumping at every feeding. So we were kind of doing it where I would pump and so Thomas could bottle feed so that I would have a break, but she was essentially saying, like "You need to sync up with your baby, so there's no point and pumping at a time when she's not feeding, because then you're gonna be producing milk at a time when she's not feeding." So then at that point, I kind of switched to purely breastfeeding, so not pumping at all. And it was still exhausting, because then I was doing every feeding, whereas before I was doing actually less feedings. But it allowed me to sync my milk production up with when she was hungry when she was feeding and not yeah, be you know, getting full at a time when she was, like, not, you know, she had just fed or something. So, yeah, that was really helpful. And definitely reduced some of the problems. Like I feel like I had some clogged ducks and was engorged and just, yeah, not, again not synced up to her hunger.
Lisa: 41:54
And when—do you remember what day it was that your milk came in, approximately?
Meredith: 41:59
It came in probably, I mean, we saw the pediatrician at, like, day three, I think. And I was still not to be left alone.
Thomas: 42:07
Day after we left the hospital, yeah.
Meredith: 42:08
I was still not producing very much, so probably came in day four. I was producing. Yeah. Yeah, I would say, like between day three and four is when it started.
Lisa: 42:18
And did you feel any of the emotional—the baby blues stuff around that time? You gonna describe it a little bit?
Meredith: 42:25
Day three was a dark day. Yeah, we had come home from the hospital, so I gave birth on basically Friday night, Saturday morning, and then we stayed Saturday night, and then we left the hospital Sunday evening. So, yeah. Then I guess it was day, like three or something, we saw the pediatrician the day after, and then we got really nervous because of her weight issues. And they thought she had jaundice, or she was, like, right on the verge. So then we came back the next day and I was just, yeah, I was a total wreck, like sobbing and crying the whole time. And, you know, it's obviously a combination of your hormones, I was really worried about her weight, worried about my milk production, and then, yeah, it was raining. Our doctor was far away. It just felt like all very—just too much. But luckily, the nurse practitioner there was really really encouraging and she's like, "This is all very normal." And that was when she told us to supplement with formula—just do whatever we needed to do to make sure that she was eating. So luckily, we only ended up doing, I think, two feedings total with formula, because my milk came in soon after that and we got on a better track.
Thomas: 43:47
Yeah. Meredith's been very committed to, you know, only breast milk and, I mean, it's like 90% breastfeeding. We'll do like one bottle feed a day, maybe, if we need to. But she's been really, really dedicated and really sticking to it. So...
Meredith: 44:05
It's good, too, to have the bottle because—even in the early days—because I know that if I'm gone for an errand or something, that she will take it. And she won't just totally reject it.
Lisa: 44:16
Absolutely. Yeah, and it's good to have introduced it, you know, within this window that—because you're just about at the brink of the timing where if you wait any longer than that, sometimes the baby will just flat out reject it. So that's wise. Yeah.
Meredith: 44:31
So, yeah, Now we're on a better schedule I'd say, and yeah, she's sleeping a little bit longer through the night. So we have a pretty good schedule for during the day, pretty much every three hours. And then we'll put her to bed usually, or the last feeding is usually around 8:30 or nine, and she's sleeping now until 2 or 3. And then, so we'll do like a midnight feeding. And then we're waking up at, like, 7 AM to feed her again.
Lisa: 45:01
That's pretty good stretches that you're getting, pretty early on. It's earlier than a lot of babies.
Thomas: 45:05
We had one magical night where she slept from 10 PM until 7 AM. But it was a fluke
Lisa: 45:10
What!?! That is a fluke.
Meredith: 45:15
It was 5:30.
Thomas: 45:16
5:30.
Lisa: 45:16
That's still a long stretch for such a little one.
Meredith: 45:19
I woke up in a panic because I was like, "She's starving!"
Lisa: 45:25
I just wanted to clarify on—when you said lactation consultant, did you have a home visit? Or more than one?
Meredith: 45:31
I didn't. No, I was hoping for that, but I ended up looking. I was still having some trouble in those first weeks, even with the Natural Breastfeeding positions. And, you know, I think it was just a general concern of like, "Am I doing this right?" Especially when you're only breast feeding. There's the very normal worry of, "Is she getting enough to eat?" in between doctor’s visits. You're always worried about that. And I felt like she wasn't latching that well. It didn't feel like a super deep latch, so that was something I was concerned about, but yeah. So I looked up lactation consultants in my area and actually found—I found one, and I was like, "Wow, she looks really close." And she ended up being—she lives in our neighborhood. So, yeah, I just called her—I think she was out or something—and so we talked for about an hour. And then she said she would do a home visit if I needed extra help. And I didn't end up needing it, so she didn't end up coming. But yeah, she was really helpful, in saying, you know, in telling me to kind of sync up with the feeding schedules, which is something that I didn't really register before, so that that was probably the most helpful takeaway, I would say.
Lisa: 46:47
Did you guys talk in advance about what your responsibilities would be? Did you do any assigning of, like, "Okay, Thomas, you're going to be changing diapers," or... did you do any of that? Or how has that looked as you become parents?
Thomas: 47:02
I mean, I guess we kind of discussed it broadly, but, you know, especially like, early on with the two hour feedings, and even now where we will kind of decide who's gonna, you know, wake up to do that 3:30 feeding or whatever, so, we're both, you know, changing diapers and stuff. There was talk of me changing more diapers, which I'm happy to do. But, you know, it doesn't really make sense for me to wake up at 3 AM to change a diaper if Meredith's going to get up and feed her anyway. We talked about it a little bit, but not too much. Like we mentioned we also have the grandparents who are super helpful. So they're only too happy to jump in and change a diaper when it needs to be done or whatever that is. But I do all the cleaning and, you know, Meredith's mom does most of the cooking, but if there's any other cooking, I'm doing the cooking.
Meredith: 48:01
Yeah, I've felt extremely supported the whole time. And just in terms of how Thomas as a partner has helped. Like, you know, every time I sit down to breastfeed, he's asking, you know, "Can I get you anything?" He makes sure my water bottle is there and full. He makes sure I have towels, you know? Yeah, I think, just the attentiveness of support—like, very clearly supporting me as soon as I sit down to breastfeed and, "Do you need extra pillows or are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?" H
Lisa: 48:31
Yay, Thomas, that's awesome.
Meredith: 48:33
It's been amazing. And then when I'm you know, like pumping and stuff, there's—depending on the pump you have parts that need to be cleaned and stuff. And so he always makes sure that all of that stuff is just completely set up. So when I sit down to pump, all I have to do is focus on that. I don't focus on cleaning and getting everything set up, so that's been really helpful. But yeah, I think, like, for the most part, when I'm feeding, you know, the feeding, the burping, all of that, like, kind of all happens at once. Unless the person is, like, kind of right there next to you with you, then it's probably more efficient for you to do it. But then he'll do—right now, we're on a schedule where he's doing one bottle feeding a day. So either that middle of the night, like 2 to 3:30 one, or the 6 to 7 AM one. Or if I'm out during the day, which is very rare. But yesterday I went shopping with my mom and he bottle fed her.
Lisa: 49:33
Yay, you need those breaks.
Lisa: 49:38
Yeah, definitely. He's been really supportive with that and if you're around while I'm breastfeeding then you'll burp her often. I really don't like burping. It's like, you never know what's gonna happen. So that part is a little stress-inducing for me, but he's really good at it. So if he's around then I'll feed, he'll burp her, then she'll feed on the other side, he'll burp her again.
Lisa: 50:02
Have you guys used the Five S's at all for comforting? Or what has worked for comforting techniques?
Thomas: 50:08
Yeah, we've tried. I mean, she's honestly pretty easy in the scheme of things. But she does have her moments, and I don't know. Sometimes it seems like there's nothing wrong, or, like, you just don't know what to do. And then all of a sudden she'll burp or something, and that kind of will clear it up. So we haven't really needed to do too much else, like, you know, the intense shushing or putting her on her side. I mean, swaddling definitely helps a lot. Sometimes she'll be crying and just swaddling her and holding her close will do it.
Meredith: 50:47
But yeah, I think it's just—and it's still, you know, really hard to read her—but trying to learn more about her cues and stuff, because, you know, the feeding cues are usually pretty easy to see. You know she's like, she'll turn her head and, you know, basically try to find a nipple on anyone. So that one's pretty easy to identify, but also, you know, you're on a feeding schedule, so I feel like although it's very important to pay attention to those, you know that she's going to be fed and that's not gonna be.—she might be hungry little early or a little late. And then, yes, I'm learning a little bit more about when she's, like, when she just has gas or needs to burp. A few times I have thought I was doing so well, like just sitting with her, she looked so calm, and then it's like projectile vomit, and I was like, "I didn't really see that queue. That was a little surprising. So, yeah, it can definitely be hard to read your baby.
Meredith: 51:49
And we also watched some videos about, like understanding the baby's different sounds and stuff. And I was really hopeful about that at the beginning, but we haven't been able to really decipher too much. She constantly sounds like she's just doing the "eh," which is for burping. We haven't heard the—what's the one for eating?
Thomas: 52:11
"Neh."
Meredith: 52:12
"Neh." Yeah. We haven't been able to really distinguish them from each other, but....
Lisa: 52:17
Sometimes it can be tricky.
Meredith: 52:19
Yeah, and I think in the early stages, too, maybe it's not as varied. We're definitely learning more about what could possibly be wrong—you know, or, not wrong, but to be attended to.
Lisa: 52:36
What she needs, yeah. So how is your healing coming along? Have you had your six week appointment yet?
Meredith: 52:43
I did. I had it a little early. Yeah. It's been good. I felt like, you know, my mom has been teasing me about this, but like the day after I gave birth, I was in the hospital. I had heard that women, you know, they're like, "You still look eight months pregnant, and, like, just be prepared for that." And like, "You're not gonna look like your normal self." I looked in the mirror and I was like, "I look so skinny." I was like, "I look amazing right now" because I really looked, like, three months pregnant. But, you know, relative to nine months pregnant, it's pretty dramatic. So I was feeling really good and, yeah, I felt recovered, like, you know, I was very, very sensitive and tender in, like, the first week, really. But I went on a lot of walks and definitely rested and felt pretty good.
Meredith: 53:35
And then this last week I felt kind of a bit of a regression, which was really upsetting. I just felt like a little bit more sore and tender. And yeah, I was like, yeah, not feeling well, like with constipation and just like getting the right amount of fiber and stuff. So that's been a little bit tricky. And I was very worried about prolapse—a little bit too much internet searching, I think. I was like, "I'm sure I have it. I'm positive I have it."
Lisa: 54:06
Careful with the "Doctor Google."
Meredith: 54:08
I know. Yeah, it was not a good thing. But, yeah, I went to the doctor, and he's like, "I don't know why you're worried about that, because you definitely don't have it."
Lisa: 54:17
Maybe you just needed to hear that.
Meredith: 54:19
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. But, yeah, so I think, you know, just being willing to allow the recovery process to take as long as it's gonna take and not try to rush things, but
Thomas: 54:32
Yeah, but we do need to try to be more proactive. We really haven't done much well in terms of exercising, or I don't know, kegles and sitz bath, we have not been very good.
Meredith: 54:45
Yeah, it's definitely hard to focus on yourself, for sure.
Lisa: 54:49
Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, my OB wanted me to do the sitz bath eight times a week, and I'm like, I mean eight times a day. And that's laughable.
Meredith: 55:02
I remember when you told us that in birth class, that, you know, the calculation of if you feed eight times a day, and it takes about an hour, that's the amount of time. And I was shocked, and it is completely true. I mean, like, that's how long it takes. And so you know, when you factor in how much time it takes just to eat food or to take a shower or something, you're pretty full up. But yeah, I mean, it's important to, you know, take care of yourself and stuff. And that's definitely something I found really difficult just to make time for, because you feel like—you feel like you're just providing for this other human, and that's your main goal. And that will always take priority over, you know, you having a sitz bath or something. And then, you know, often like we'll put her to bed or something, and I'll be like, "Ok, I'm going to take a sitz bath," and you're just way too exhausted. So in terms of self-care, you have to choose whether you want sleep or sitz bath. Usually it's sleep.
Lisa: 56:03
Yeah. Sleep is important and hard to come by in these early weeks. Thomas, do you have any specific tips for partners who might be listening to this podcast or reflections on this journey?
Thomas: 56:21
I mean, similar to what Meredith said about, like, you can be prepared. But when things are happening, they just kind of happen and, you know, we had done a bit of obviously we did our birth plan and all of that stuff, which was super helpful in, you know, us just being on the same page. There were definitely a few times during labor where the nurse would ask Meredith something, or they would expect an answer from her, and it's like, clearly she does not have the capacity to give you an answer. So just really being dialed in to, you know, what those things are and being able to be proactive for your woman is very important, I think. And also, I think you mentioned this a bit, but just the idea of, like, really sticking to those things and, you know, making sure that if she is going to ask for medication or anything—she didn't do that, but just being conscious of, like, what she actually wants versus what maybe she's asking for in the moment, and also just encouraging her. I think it was helpful for me to encourage her to be trying different things, and even though, like she said, it wasn't great to necessarily try and see what feels good in the moment, but through that we did find a few things that helped. But I think the biggest thing was just helping with breathing, and really just, you know, I had the Birth Partner book with me and I was kind of like, "Oh, this is.." I didn't read it cover-to-cover or anything, but I was like, "I can just like, pull this up and reference it at any moment during labor," but it did not work out like that at all. There was no time for that.
Thomas: 58:00
I think you know, it's tempting to try and, like, have all the answers and have this huge plan and all these different things to do. But at the end of the day, especially for us, with it being so quick, there really wasn't a whole lot of time for any of that. It was just kind of like, whatever is happening, and just being there for her, and helping her focus on the breathing and all that kind of stuff was really the most helpful in labor.
Meredith: 58:37
Yeah, I think the biggest thing for me was, like, he did not leave my side. And that was extremely comforting, like, to have someone there with you that you know, can like physically hold you up and hold you and also be a point of focus. And, you know, I felt like I was just—I had, like, blinders on, like it was just like he was the only thing, really, that I could see. And so that was just really helpful. And definitely answering questions that the nurses had, like, I just did not have the capacity to answer. And so it felt really good to know that he was dealing with that. And I think, you know, another thing, too, to mention is we had, like, no complications, like there was—everything went really smoothly. So a lot of it is just preparing for if it didn't go perfectly well. And I felt very confident that if that happened that he would be fully supportive and be able to advocate for me. And I felt like we knew enough to deal with any curveballs that were sent our way. And even though that didn't happen, I think that's a huge comfort to go into that scenario knowing that you kind of know what you're gonna say to some of the questions that might come up.
Lisa: 59:55
I just wanted to clarify one thing. What was the time that you felt—what time was it when you first felt your first contraction, that you were like, "I think I'm in labor"?
Meredith: 01:00:04
3:30 AM. And I went to the hospital at 7 PM. So it was quite a long time.
Lisa: 01:00:13
Yeah, I think that laboring at home made a huge difference in having an uncomplicated labor because I feel like—I know, and I hear so much that—you know, in the hospital, the earlier we get there, then they're just looking for problems. And often what seems to be a problem isn't necessarily in reality a problem, and so I think that had a lot to do with how your labor went, was that you labored—and you keep you guys keep saying it was really quick, but actually like 3:30 AM until—when she when was she born?
Meredith: 01:00:46
12:30.
Lisa: 01:00:47
And so that was almost 24 hours. 20-21. You're not counting it....
Thomas: 01:00:55
Because before we went to the hospital, it was very manageable. From what I could tell.
Lisa: 01:01:02
Yeah, just for first-time expectant parents to hear that, like actually, if you're counting what actually does count as the full labor, it's pretty long. It's just that the most intense parts of it are the shorter, you know, window of time. And a lot of people don't count it until it gets intense. But I say give yourself credit for all the hours that your body works because that's a lot of time! I just wanted to point that out just because I was like—what I'm hearing is actually, you know, a pretty long span of time. I'm pretty sure that you were in labor but it might not have felt like it was that long.
Meredith: 01:01:37
Right. And I think actually, you know, I had heard actually, a friend in New York who, and we talked about this too, how she started having contractions like in the middle of the night. And then she said she didn't wake her husband until, you know, the next morning, and then they were kind of scrambling, and all this, and so I was kind of worried about doing that. But I felt confident that they weren't strong enough that anything was gonna happen too quickly. And actually that time between, you know, waking up at first—because obviously it woke me up—but feeling the contractions from, like, 3:30 AM until about 8 AM when he woke up and I told him was really a cool time because you're the only—you're just laying in bed alone, it's dark. And you just have this thought of like, "Okay, maybe this is what it's gonna be and today is gonna be the day," and I really liked—I just started, like, visualizing and having sort of meditations dealing with each contraction as they came, thinking about, like, ocean waves or like trying to really attach it to like a visual. And, yeah, that however many hours was really a cool time for me to have by myself, to sort of process what was happening before I shared it with anyone and it became a thing, even with my own husband. But it was—I just thought it was really cool to have that time where it was just me who knew, and kind of process what was about to happen.
Lisa: 01:03:07
Oh, thank you for sharing that. I love that. That's really beautiful. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing. Any last things you wanna share before we close it out?
Meredith: 01:03:19
I don't think so. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy to have a baby.
Lisa: 01:03:26
It is, right?
Meredith: 01:03:26
Can't really prepare your mind for what that feels like. But it's wonderful, and we're already seeing her grow. I mean, it's five weeks and things have already changed. So it's pretty wild how fast they develop.
Lisa: 01:03:40
Well, thank you again, Thomas and Meredith. It's been so great hearing all these great details of your birth story. And I wish you all well. I'm sad that you won't be able to come to the reunions. But if you ever visit New York, I would love to meet Rose. Please drop by the house. All right, be well and I will hopefully—let's stay in touch.
Meredith: 01:04:02
Definitely. Thank you.
Thomas: 00:00
Thanks.
Lisa: 01:04:04
Thanks, bye.
Lisa: 01:04:07
Before we close things out today, I wanted to touch on something Meredith mentioned regarding a newborn's weight loss soon after birth. This very common issue comes up in Episode 11. The healthy benchmark is for a baby to lose up to 10% of their birth weight. But if they lose more than 10%, supplementing is evidence-based, recommended, and likely necessary. A sometimes tricky thing is that usually families go home after a couple of days in a vaginal birth, or three-and-a-half days or so with a Caesarean birth, and the baby very much needs to be seen by a pediatrician between days three and five to be sure the weight loss doesn't continue to increase to an extent that would warrant supplementing, which happened to Jennifer's baby in Episode 11. As long as you go to the pediatrician sometime on day three, four, or five, we can ensure we know how baby's doing and if they might need supplementation as we continue to bring baby to the breast, or pump if baby's not able to latch on, and also while we're waiting for the milk to come in. This day three to five visit is part of the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended well-visit schedule. I'll link to the most current schedule at the time of this recording in the show notes. Another thing Meredith mentioned was how much her stomach shrank after birth. For most women, the uterus shrinks back to the size of a cantaloupe in the hours after birth, so that we look around six months pregnant. It then takes about 3 to 6 weeks for the uterus to shrink back to the size of a pear or a fist. So the tip here is: don't get rid of your maternity clothes immediately after birth, because you'll need them for a few weeks.
Lisa: 01:05:45
I'm also going to link you to a postpartum planning tool in the show notes at birthmattersshow.com. I highly recommend for all expectant parents to go through the plan together to ensure optimal wellness for body, mind, spirit, and for those in a committed relationship to ensure optimal health of your relationship. For couples, discuss how you'll generally divide up the responsibilities so that neither of you is feeling overwhelmed or resentful. My recommendation is—and pregnant and soon-to-be-breastfeeding parents are gonna love this one—that the breastfeeding parent is responsible for the input, and the non-breastfeeding parent is responsible for the output. And by output, I mean not only diapering, but pretty much everything that's not breastfeeding. Also burping, soothing, and settling baby, tummy time, et cetera. You'll, of course, do what works best for you, and you're gonna be flexible and tag team it as you go along. But that's my general recommendation. At first, breastfeeding will take way more time in the day than all those other things combined.
Lisa: 01:06:48
And now, how perfect that our sneak peek of next week's episode talks about this very topic of how much partners can help. Don't you just love it when things work out like that?
Sneak Peak: 01:06:58
I remember it was that—one of the first few days when we were home with her. And it was the middle of the night, and Sam would always get up every single solitary time I was nursing. He would get up, he changed her diaper, give me the baby, and then take the baby and put her down and swaddle her and rock her do all those things. And we would always chat while I was nursing and he's like, "You know," he's like, "I have no idea what I'm doing. And neither do you"—because I didn't, I didn't know either—"and it's like, besides nursing her, there's nothing that I can't do with this baby. You know, there's nothing that I can't learn that you're learning, that we can't do together." So I think there's this misconception that men can't do, you know, they're hopeless during the newborn stage. And that's not true. It's like, besides giving your breast for that milk, there's a lot that you can do, and most of the time you're learning together.
Lisa: 01:07:52
Thanks for listening to the Birth Matters Podcast. And remember, you got this. ---END---
