Scharisse felt sad in her pregnancy, like she was Scharisse felt like she was getting lackluster care in her pregnancy at a hospital under Medicaid but thought she just had to deal. She was being told she should just schedule a cesarean because of her age and being overweight, and it didn’t sit right with her. Then one day, when she was around 30 weeks pregnant, she encountered a doula who encouraged her that she deserves to have respectful care and a great birth. This empowered her to consider out-of-hospital birth and, ultimately, to switch to giving birth at home -- something she never thought someone on Medicaid could do, thanks to some flexibility on the part of her midwives. She shares today about the radically better, deeply respectful care she received when she switched to working with homebirth midwives and doulas and details specific ways in which she felt heard and safe.
Resources:
Ashe Birthing Services (doulas - Myla Flores & Emilie Rodriguez)
Small Things Grow Homebirth Midwifery (Tanya Wills & Robina Kalid)
Support Families' Access to Home Birth - GoFundMe Scharisse set up
The Birthing Place Bronx - GoFundMe campaign to start a free-standing, midwifery-led birthing center (Instagram & Facebook)
Save a Rose Foundation - in memory of Amber Rose Isaac on a mission to dismantle the systemic flaws within the healthcare system & provide safer birthing outcomes.
Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon
NYC resources to find a great doula (for any budget as well as BIPOC-specific providers)
Sponsor links:
Feeling neglected being on Medicaid with the care she was(n’t) receiving as a Latina
Friend posted about donations for a community fund
She contacted Ashe Birthing Services
Sept 8 stayed up late nesting (3 days past due date)
Sept 9 feeling like something was going on, felt weird
Wakes up next day with back hurting
Early labor all day long
Inconsistent contraction pattern into the night
Myla (doula) heads over
Feeling urge to push
Forewater bulging
Myla, Emily & Tanya book it over
Got in tub
Pushing is hard
Cord was around neck 3 times w/ a knot
Singing to baby, initial latch in tub
Breastfeeding after reduction surgery, successfully breastfeeding with some supplementation
Labor nearly a full day
Feeling surges in her legs and back
Getting Covid in postpartum and wonderful, nonjudgmental breastfeeding support from Tanya and doulas
Having a hard time with the lack of support in Covid
Diego (son) has been on donor milk
Medicaid recipients can have a homebirth, and many midwives want to help
You deserve to have a good birth
Please support these community funds
Interview Transcript
Lisa: Welcome to the Birth Matters podcast, Scharisse. It's so good to have you today.
[00:00:04] Scharisse: Thanks. I'm glad to be here.
[00:00:06] Lisa: Scharisse is not one of my former birth class students as most of the podcast birth stories are, but she is a local doula in training. Is that right?
[00:00:14] Scharisse: Right. Yeah.
[00:00:16] Lisa: And can you just tell us a little bit about yourself?
[00:00:18] Scharisse: Sure. So I'm Scharisse. I live in Washington Heights. And I currently work as an early childhood educator. I mostly, for the last 10 years have worked with infants and toddlers.
[00:00:29] And I work in a school; our philosophy is called the RIE approach which basically is about treating infants and toddlers with respect and as capable, competent individuals and not just you know, babies that can't do anything. And I'm actually in the Manhattan Birth mentor program right now to be a doula with the goal of being really a full spectrum doula.
[00:00:49] But while my infant is still really young, probably mostly postpartum work. And thinking about a way to bridge doula work with early childhood education is something that I'm tinkering with right now. And I gave birth in September.
[00:01:02] Lisa: Not long ago. Well, thank you for being willing to share your story when it's so fresh still, when you're still probably fairly sleep deprived, I'm guessing.
[00:01:12] Scharisse: Oh yes, very much so.
[00:01:15] Lisa: And you said you just went back to work, right?
[00:01:17] Scharisse: I did. So I had started virtually maybe like two weeks ago, but like this week was my first week like being back at school. So it was a little hard, but you know,
[00:01:29] Lisa: Yeah, that transition can be challenging.
[00:01:32] So can we start off by sharing a little bit about the prenatal experience? How did you prepare for this journey into parenthood, your choice of care providers, and any developments.
[00:01:42] Scharisse: Yeah, so when I found out I was pregnant, I was very excited. But I also was kind of worried because I felt like I knew I wasn't necessarily gonna get the best care being a Medicaid recipient.
[00:02:00] So when I got to the hospital and was doing all my prenatal work, I was correct in the fact that like I felt very much like I wasn't listened to. I felt like it didn't really have agency over choices that were being made. Now I was told that, you know, because I'm 40 and I'm overweight that I needed to have either an induction or a C-section; natural birth wasn't going to be a choice for me. Even though I had no other risk factors and
[00:02:28] Lisa: That's mind boggling. I just have to say that for listeners who don't know that that's ridiculous.
[00:02:35] Scharisse: Yeah. I have great blood pressure. Great cholesterol, no diabetes, like, yeah, I am overweight and I am a little older, but I mean, other than that, like no other risk factors and they were just adamant, like, "We need a schedule your induction, are you sure? Or you know what? You're probably better off having a c-section. Yeah, we should definitely have a C-section." And in my mind, I was just thinking to myself, like women have been giving birth since the dawn of time. Like, I don't really need these interventions unless -- I could see if I had like preeclampsia or like some other like major risk factor, but I didn't. But you know, like, what am I going to do?
[00:03:12] I am on Medicaid and I'm going to this hospital. So like, this is just what it is, what it is, but I kept getting this feeling in my gut that it just wasn't right. And I even had like some experiences with the clinicians that were just bad. There was one time I was bleeding; I called and called and called and nobody called me back. I had a UTI and I called and nobody called me back. Thank goodness one of my best friends is a urologist and like prescribed medicine for me all the way from Florida. Yeah. So, I mean, it was just like a lot of feeling of neglect. And around that same time I had seen in the news and heard the story of Amber Rose Isaac, who had passed away in the Bronx.
[00:03:51] And basically because of racism and neglect. And I started feeling like very scared. And then I had some experiences with some clinicians. I never saw the same clinician. I understand like it's a big practice. They want you to meet all the clinicians, but I never knew who I was going to see.
[00:04:07] They would make my appointments for me or change my appointments for me. They wouldn't notify me. I just would have to check the app all the time. It was like really bad. And then I had a clinician say to me at one point, which was really upsetting. It's one of those, like, it's supposed to be a compliment, I suppose, but it really wasn't where they were like, "Oh, you're so well-spoken."
[00:04:25] I was just like, "Why? Because I live in the Bronx?" And I love, you know, talk to me about being, well-[spoken], it was just weird. The whole experience was just really bad. And also like, you know, it's COVID, so I can't take my partner with me to these appointments and I want to come home crying and upset because I just felt like I wasn't listened to.
[00:04:43] And then one day. And this sounds kind of lame, but thank God it happened. So one day a friend and a colleague of mine posted on her Instagram stories about a doula collective, who were looking to get donations for a community fund. And I went and I looked to their page and I looked at the work that they were doing, and I was really impressed. And I thought to myself, like, I wonder if they can help me.
[00:05:08] And I'm the type of person that it's extremely hard for me to ask anyone for help. I do everything myself. Like I've been that way, like my whole life. But at this point, like I was just having such a negative experience that I was like, I need help. Like, I can't. This is not okay. Like what's happening to me and what's happening to my baby it's like not okay. And so I sent this really long, really emotional email about my experience that I was having. And Emily is from Ashe Birthing Services got back to me and she was like, you are exactly the type of person that we want to help. You know, you're a person of color, you're Latina. You're having these really negative experiences at a major hospital.
[00:05:53] Like, no, we are gonna sort this out for you and help you get better care. And even still, like I assumed like, okay, better care. Meaning like I would have a doula and have somebody helping me advocate for myself and whatever. But Emily went beyond that and was like, "No, like you don't have to give birth at the hospital. Who says you have to give birth at that hospital?" And I was like, "Well, they said I have to have a C-section." And she was like, "No. Just because you're 40 does not mean that you have to have an induction or a C-section like, that's not true." And she was like, "Did you know you can have a home birth?" And I was like, "I'm not having a home birth."
[00:06:35] I was like, don't I need like an epidural? Don't I need..." She was like, "No, you can do this. Let's talk about it." Like, you know, she showed me a lot of research. She showed me, you know, things that kind of convinced me like, you know, what, like women have been doing this forever. Like, yes, I can do this, right? And so she gave me a list of like a bunch of different midwives who did like sliding scale and who were willing to like, be flexible with payment and work with me and stuff. And so I reached out to several of them and all of them were booked except for Tanya and Robina at Small Things Grow homebirth.
[00:07:08] Lisa: Which is amazing. That's a miracle because they are popular and wonderful.
[00:07:13] Scharisse: And, you know, I talked to my partner about it and my partner, you know, he's like super-duper supportive. So he was like, if you don't want to give birth the hospital, you don't have to give birth in a hospital. Like, let's figure it out.
[00:07:25] Lisa: Yay. That's unusual. A lot of partners are like, "Oh, I don't know."
[00:07:31] Scharisse: He's the type of guy who would be like, "Let's avoid the hospital at all costs," really. So when we met with Tanya and Robina, from the very beginning, it felt really right. Like we felt listened to and heard and really like, they assured us like, you know, he did have some concerns about like, you know, what if there's a problem or, you know, what if something happens, but like, you know, especially the way they spoke, like no, we'll know there's a problem, we'll transfer you.
[00:08:01] Like this is safe. They both have a method of speaking that's so reassuring that I felt immediately safe. Whereas when I was at the hospital getting care, I didn't feel safe. Right. And so up until that point, it was a thing of being miserable and being sad. And feeling isolated and lonely and also it's COVID and like, I can't bring my partner with me and like all these things.
[00:08:25] And then I met Emily, Tanya and Robina and it was like, this birth is going to feel good now. I was really not having the best prenatal time, like, and I was having the easiest pregnancy too. Like when I say like, I didn't have morning sickness, I didn't have any aches and pains. Like my pregnancy was so great.
[00:08:42] It was so chill except for the fact that it was also horrible because my prenatal care was horrible. So that's when it switched and this was already late. So this is about 30 weeks. And so we basically decided, you know what, this is like, we're going to go with Tanya and Robina and they're super flexible, super caring.
[00:09:01]And we were really happy, very happy. The rest of my prenatal care went swimmingly. And then it was time to give birth, which was a really wild ride.
[00:09:13] Lisa: Well, can I just ask about your prenatal visits? Were those in your home or where were they?
[00:09:20] Scharisse: No. So because of COVID I would go to Tanya's office or Robina's office, and then we had some virtual visits in between over Zoom. And unfortunately, again, my partner couldn't come to those in-person visits, but he was there for all the virtual visits, which is really great.
[00:09:36]And even though they couldn't come to my home, like going to their offices felt like being at home because it was like their offices are their homes. And it just felt very comfortable and very safe. And yeah, like so different from like the cold, like clinical setting and so warm and so loving.
[00:09:55] That's the main difference. I felt like my prenatal care once I switched to them and switched to also having a doula, I feel like my prenatal care was full of love and empathy and kindness, as opposed to just like you're some 40 fat lady, like we're going to cut you open and take out your baby and that's it.
[00:10:13] Lisa: And we all need that and we all deserve that, right? But like, especially in these times of COVID we especially need that nurturing spirit and Tanya's office and home are on the Upper West Side, right? Robina is she still in Brooklyn?
[00:10:29] Scharisse: She's in Brooklyn. You just touched on something that I think that was the biggest thing that Emily said to me that switched the light like on where she was like, "You deserve to have a good birth." And I hadn't really thought about that before. Like I was just like, Oh, I'm just giving birth. Like everybody gives birth or whatever, but she was like, "No, you deserve to have the best care. Like, why don't you deserve that?" And so she's like, "That's what we're going to get for you." And she like went for it and helped me. And it's amazing.
[00:11:05] Lisa: Fantastic. And I'll be sure to link to Ashe Birthing Services and Manhattan Birth information and Small Things Grow all of these things that Scharisse is mentioning. I'll be sure to link to that in the show notes.
[00:11:16] Scharisse: Actually Emily ended up becoming, she was my birth assistant instead of my doula and my doula was Myla, which is Birthing Place the Bronx. Yes. And she is so grounding. I mean, so when I started, should I go into my birth story now?
[00:11:32] Lisa: Yeah, if you're ready to, go right ahead.
[00:11:34] Scharisse: So, September 8th, that night, I stayed up really late and folded every single item of baby clothes that was in our house. And really like, I guess I hadn't really missed it, like at all. And then like, that night. I was like, "Oh, snap. I got to fold all these baby clothes and get them put away." So let me explain a little of my situation. I had just moved to a new apartment. So I had moved from the Bronx to Washington Heights. Horrible time to move, but like, that's just what it is. So we still weren't really unpacked or anything. So I had like this huge box of baby clothes and I was sitting there looking at it, my partner and I were watching TV and actually he had fallen asleep watching a movie and I'm standing there looking at those baby clothes. And I was like, "Dude, I better-- sorry, I'm also from California. So I say, dude a lot of bad. I apologize; bad habit. But I was like, okay, I gotta get this stuff folded. Like Diego was due like any minute he was due September 5th. And this was like September 8th and I still hadn't done anything. I don't know what was going on in my mind. So I started--
[00:12:43] Lisa: Denial.
[00:12:45] Scharisse: Basically. So literally until three or four o'clock in the morning. I was up folding clothes. And so I was just like, okay, let me get this done. And I went to bed and then I woke up the next day and, you know, like, you know when you get your period and you feel like, "Oh, there's something weird happening in my body. Like, I think I'm getting my period." Like, that's kind of the way I felt. I said to my partner, I was like, it almost feels like I'm getting my period, but it's not. I was like, I think something's happening.
[00:13:19] And he's like, "Really?" And I was like, "Yeah, I think something's happening, but I don't know," but I wasn't having like any contractions or anything. So this wasn't the night, but my body just felt weird. Like I felt like something was happening. So then, I had a regular day, it was fine. Then I woke up the next day and my back was killing me.
[00:13:42] And I was like, I really think something's happening. So basically like, all of a sudden, like I started having like little contractions and I knew, and I was like, okay, this is happening. I don't know if it's coming today or what's happening, but like, this is starting.
[00:13:58] Lisa: I hope you got a better night's sleep that night. It's hard to sleep.
[00:14:05] Scharisse: It was so hard to sleep. It was really hard to sleep that whole week. And also like I've never done this before. So like, I don't know what to feel. And, you know, I was saying this to my sister. I was like, I don't think. Okay. This is just like my sense of humor or what, I don't know.
[00:14:23] But like, I don't think that giving birth is a prank, no. But I do feel like women aren't honest with other women about like what the real experience is. Cause I said to my mom and my sisters, I was like, you guys didn't tell me my body's going to have this happen to it or like--
[00:14:37] Lisa: You forget, though.
[00:14:39] Scharisse: That's what my sister said.
[00:14:41] Lisa: I think it's amnesia to an extent.
[00:14:43] Scharisse: Yeah. Cause then why would you ever do this again? So all these things are happening in my body. And I was like, okay. I'm pretty sure this is what it is. So then I started feeling contractions and like all day they were all over the place, right. So I call Myla and I call Emily and I talk to Tanya and everyone's like, "Oh, you're having like, probably like really early labor. It's going to be a couple of days. Like your contractions are not, you know, there's no rhythm, rhyme or reason." They're just kind of like, you know, whatever's happening. And so I was like, "Okay, so I'm just going to be laboring for a while. And this was going on all day where like, I would have a contraction or a surge that would last.
[00:15:24] For like, maybe like 20 seconds and then I'd have another one, like maybe like 10 minutes later, that would last for like two minutes and then I'd have one, like five minutes later that would last for like a minute. And it was literally just all over the place. But then towards, I want to say like eight or nine o'clock, it started feeling real, like more urgent, but they were still like, there was no consistency in my contractions at all, like none whatsoever. Myla and Emily were pretty convinced that it was still early labor. And then at one point, I think it was like 11 o'clock at night or something. I don't mean to be like, this is just what I experienced. So I'm just like, can some people tell their stories and they sound so beautiful and eloquent, but like a whirlwind.
[00:16:13] Lisa: No, please tell it like it is.
[00:16:15] Scharisse: Right? So like I said to my partner. I was like, I either have to poo or puke. I don't know which one. I was like, one of those things has to happen.
[00:16:28] Lisa: Throw down or throw up.
[00:16:30] Scharisse: And he was like, don't you remember from birth class? Like, if you feel like you have to poo that's the baby. I was like, oh, like, I didn't remember anything.
[00:16:43] So then, like I call Myla and you know, I'm on the phone with her and I'm having a surge and she's like, "Okay. You know, sounds like maybe you need some in-person support. I'm just going to eat." And it was just like 1130, 12 ish. "I'm just going to eat and then I'm going to come over and," you know, and you know, she talks and it's so soothing.
[00:17:04] And I was like, "Okay, everything's going to be okay." Like at that point I was kinda like freaking out. I didn't ask her to come over. But she could tell. So she's like, "I'm gonna eat and then I'm gonna come over and, you know, Emily will come and then Tanya will come and it'll be fine."
[00:17:24] And I was like, "Okay." And then I went into my bedroom and I was like, Hmm, [uh-uh] and so I got my hands and my knees and like, I felt like I needed to push and like, I didn't have control over it. And I just kinda like pushed, like, I guess part of the caul, the amniotic sac like came out and I was like, [gasp] "Something happened." And I thought it was like the baby's head or something. And like, I was like grabbing my partner and I was like, "Come, come." And I was like, "What is that?" And he's like, "I don't know. It's like a ball of liquid." And I was like, "Oh boy, like call Myla, call somebody." So like, I don't even know what I did.
[00:18:03] I dialed her in like some weird way, but then like my partner gets on the phone with her. She's very calm. Of course. You know, "Describe to me what you see." And he describes it. He's like, you know, "It's like a big ball of liquid that's come out of her vagina." And she's like, "Okay. So that's probably like the amniotic sac." So he's like, you know, "It's still intact," [she's] like, "How big is it?" "Like about the size of a fist." And she was like, okay. So I think I'm going to come over right now because remember she was going to eat and then, you know, whatever, and they come over. She's like, I'll be there in about eight minutes.
[00:18:34] And I'm like, "Oh, thank God." And I was like, in my head I was like, "I'm going to give birth and there's not going to be any like professionals here. It's just gonna be me."
[00:18:44] Because the whole time I thought that I was in early labor and it wasn't going to happen that day. I didn't hadn't set up the birthing pool. So, of course I'm like freaking out in my head, like, "Oh no, I messed up. We didn't set up the birthing pool. What am I going to do?" And then Myla gets here and I need to push.
[00:19:07] Like, I feel like I need to push. And Myla's like, "Resist the urge because Tanya is on her way." And I'm like, "Are you joking? How am I supposed to resist the urge?" Myla was so calm. And she's like touching my body, helping me. And I'm squeezing his arm for like dear life. Like every time, like, I feel the need to push because I was feeling it like, I was like, I need to push.
[00:19:30] And every time I felt the need to push I would squeeze his arm really hard. And like, I was clenching my legs together, like really trying not to push. And I don't know like how Tanya doesn't have like a million tickets or maybe she does, but she got here like super fast.
[00:19:45] Lisa: I think she just posted on social the other day about like getting tons of tickets, like a midwife thing.
[00:19:49] Scharisse: I saw that, yeah. So Myla had gotten here like really fast, like eight minutes and then Emily had gotten here also very quickly. And then Tanya was the last to arrive. But they all got here so fast. And I was like, "Thank God." And then, so I'm laboring kind of like on my bed and I felt the need to push.
[00:20:10] And then I was just like, I want to be in water. And I was so sad and upset that I hadn't set up the birthing pool. Myra's like, "Let's go in the bathtub." So they set up the bathtub and I went into the tub and. I got in the tub. And I would say it was less than an hour of pushing that my baby Diego came out.
[00:20:31] And it was hard work. Like I'm not going to say that it wasn't, but at the same time, like I felt capable and empowered. There was one point where I said, and of course, like, this is what it's like textbook, like in the birthing class, they say like, there's this point where you're gonna be like, I can't do this, right. And I had gotten to that point where I was like, I didn't say I can't do this. I was like, I don't know what to do. And Tanya, just like very firmly was like, "Yes, you do. You know exactly what to do." I was like, "Oh yeah, I guess I didn't want to do." And that right after she said that was when I gave like the last couple of pushes and he came out.
[00:21:11] But you know, is was this thing like Tanya was there, Emily was there, Myla was there. They were all there supporting me, but like, it was all hands-off like, there was nobody like, you know, digging around and opening, you know, stuff up and trying to like pull him out. Like, it was very much my partner and these amazing women with me, helping me do what my body already knew what to do. Right.
[00:21:37] Lisa: And believing in you, right? Yeah. That's huge.
[00:21:40] Scharisse: That's all you need, right? And then I remember when I was pushing, like Tanya had the Doppler on my belly and she was like, " Hmm, I think his cord might be around his neck." And at first I kind of freaked out and then I was like, well, in my head I thought like his cord is just giving him oxygen. It's not like he's gonna be cut off from oxygen, just cause the cord's around his neck. Right? Like, so I kind of like mentally, like that, like clicked in my head for a second. And then as soon as he came out, she unraveled him. He was wrapped with it around his neck, like three times.
[00:22:18] And there was like a huge knot in my umbilical cord. Tanya was like, "I don't know what he was doing in there." And it's well, especially at night, like, oh my God, he's such a party animal. So, I mean, it makes sense that he had that thing around his neck, like three times. But yeah, so, and then he was there and he came out and immediately they helped him like kind of crawl up to my chest, even though we were in the water and we tried latching and you know, I sang to him and like my partner was there and it was just a really like beautiful moment of, you know, warmth and love. And there was no rushing. There was nobody taking him away. It was just really lovely, you know?
[00:23:05] And then when I was ready, Emily and Myla helped me get out of the bathtub and took me and wrapped me in towels and wrapped Diego up and, you know, took me to my bed and really helped me get comfortable and cozy. And then like, I'm home, right? I'm not in a hospital. I'm at home. Like, you know, I'm in my own bed.
[00:23:25] Like how amazing is this? And it was funny. They're like, "You got to eat something." And I totally didn't want to eat. And like, my partner brought me some rice and beans and I was like, "Oh, this is gross." But like, they were like, "No, you have to eat. Like you have to eat." But at the same time, like I was also really worried.
[00:23:41] So let me backtrack a little, I had a breast reduction about like 10 years ago. So I was very worried that it wasn't going to be able to nurse. And Tanya was like, "No, you know, I think you'll be able to nurse." And he was able to latch and he latched and he got milk. I mean, I don't produce that much, like I had to supplement.
[00:24:00] But it's, again, that confidence that Tanya helped instill in me. Not just in my birth, but also in postpartum and being able to nurse and being able to mother and that matters like, you know, like having a clinician that supports you in this way. A friend of mine gave birth around the same time as me and I was telling her like, "Oh yeah, I just got off the phone with my doula. She was just checking to see how like nursing was going." She's like, "You still have people checking in on you?" And this was like a week later. And I was like, "Yeah." She's like, "You know, that's it, like, they sent me home, like, that's it they're done with me." Whereas like, you know, Tanya, Robina you know, Robina found a donor for milk right away for me.
[00:24:38] Lisa: That's great.
[00:24:39] Scharisse: I mean, just the whole experience has just been one of like, just like women supporting each other. And it's really a beautiful, amazing thing. I feel lucky that that's my experience. And I also feel like it's unfair that that's not the experience that everybody has, you know? Yeah.
[00:25:03] So where was I birth? Oh, so yeah, and then they cleaned up my house--
[00:25:09] Lisa: Like little fairies, right? I just said that in another interview the other day, I think it was actually the person who was sharing their story that was calling them fairies, just like [cleaning up sounds], all done!
[00:25:20] Scharisse: And then they cleaned up my house. And I was like, they took away all the, that there's no, no blood, no anything like it, it was just like, it's like, it never happened, except that it did. Because he's here in my bed.
[00:25:32] Lisa: There's that reminder.
[00:25:34] Scharisse: Yeah. So yeah, it was a very like wild roller coaster ride that birth, but it was also a very um, and I was joking.
[00:25:41] I was like, I had this whole plan because you know, you take the childbirth class and it's like, you're gonna have this time where you're like really hungry and you're going to be busy in the same thing. And I had this plan that I was going to roast everyone a chicken. Cause I'm like an excellent cook.
[00:25:53] I was like, I'm gonna roast a chicken and I'm going to make all these like beautiful things so that when Tanya or Robina and Myla get here, like there's going to be just like a ton of food and snacks cause they're going to be hungry and it totally did not happen at all.
[00:26:09] Lisa: Birth can be very unpredictable that way, right? Labor can.
[00:26:14] Scharisse: I thought I was going to have like candles and little fairy lights, like nope. Like, no, but it happened the way it was supposed to happen, right? So, I mean, Yeah, it was great.
[00:26:31] Lisa: So from the, I'm just trying to get a sense, from the first time you thought you were in labor and you started having contractions to the time of the birth, how long was that?
[00:26:42] Scharisse: So that started at like 8:00 AM. Maybe 7:00 AM. 7:00 AM. Like when I woke up, basically like, I guess I probably was having the contractions and I was asleep and I didn't really like notice it too much. But from the time I woke up like 7:00 AM and then I think Diego was born, like 2:45 in the morning, 2:46 around then. So yeah,
[00:27:05] Lisa: So a little less than a day. Yeah. It isn't it interesting, I feel like the more of the stories I hear and births I attend, it feels like early labor there's all this uncertainty like, you're like, is this really it, your body's like, eh, but then when things get intense, often that's such a smaller window of time that the perception of the time is like it flew by.
[00:27:31] Scharisse: It didn't really get intense until like, I want to say like 10:30, 11 o'clock at night.
[00:27:39] And then it was like, really, like I said, I was like, either have to poop or puke. And then it was like, okay, like this baby's-- it's happening. Yeah.
[00:27:55] Lisa: I'd love to hear more either about what the sensations felt like for you at different times in labor and/or what you were doing for comfort measures.
[00:28:03] Scharisse: So most of my surges were in my lower back, like the pain. Which was funny because I assumed it would be like in my pelvis and my uterus, like. The front of my body, but it was all in the back. And so really what my partner did was put his fists like into like my lower back and pushed in on that. And then I bounced on that birthing ball a lot.
[00:28:28] Lisa: That ball is amazing, isn't it?
[00:28:30] Scharisse: I could have bounced on that ball all day, and I still use it to put my baby to sleep. Which is such a bad habit, but whatever.
[00:28:37] Lisa: What's wrong with it?
[00:28:39] Scharisse: I mean, I don't know. I guess there's nothing wrong with it, but like, it goes against the school that I teach in, like the educational philosophy that we have is very much about like, I should be helping him figure out how he wants to put himself to sleep instead of putting him to sleep. I haven't gotten there yet with him.
[00:28:59] Lisa: He's little, he's still little.
[00:29:01] Scharisse: He's a month. Yeah, exactly. I'm not worried about it. I was joking with my boss. I was like, there's things that I would never do in this classroom, but I do it at home. Other people's children treat them in a certain way and like mine I'm like, yeah, go ahead. Anyways. So, yeah.
[00:29:18] Most of my surges I felt were like real, bad back pain and pain going down my legs and not so much pain in the front, like a period cramp or something like that.
[00:29:29] Lisa: When you say pain down your legs, do you mean like your quads or the back?
[00:29:33] Scharisse: Down like my quads mostly. It hurt. But the birthing ball really helped a lot. And then like, sometimes I'd do the Miles Circuit or I'd get on my hands and knees. And also I live on the fifth floor of a walk-up. So like there were the stairs. I went up and down the stairs, like a couple times. And then like at one point I tried to like lay in bed and listen to music and like take my mind off of it.
[00:29:55] And that totally did not work. So I went back on the birthing ball. But it was more like when I labored, like every time I felt a surge, the most comfort that I got was from when my partner would really kind of like pushed down on me and push on my body. And it was funny. So like my doulas didn't really come to like closer to the end.
[00:30:14] So like, I actually don't get that much physical support from them, on my body in person it wasn't a lot of bodywork, but the emotional, verbal support that I got from them over the phone, they talked me through many, a surge. And like I said, Myla was very grounding. Like there was definitely a surges where I felt like, ah, I need to scream or I, you know what I mean?
[00:30:33] It was pretty painful. But that didn't happen. It was really Myla helping me kind of like visualize and walk me through it and helping me work through those surges is the best way I can describe it.
[00:30:46] And some of the things you were describing, like doing stairs and sitting on the ball and the massage on your back, are these things that you guys just thought to do or felt instinctive or you learned in birth class or your doulas made suggestions?
[00:30:58] So the Miles Circuit, the stairs, the birthing ball, like those were all Emily's suggestions. And then the pushing on the back things, I think that came from like the natural childbirth, like the Bradley way, like that book. So my partner had read through that a bit and so that's kind of like what he had gotten from it.
[00:31:17] He's like, I think this is a good move. I'm going to do this move. And it worked, it was really actually quite helpful. So like, yeah, the Bradley thing came, I think from like our birth class from Manhattan Birth which is a great childbirth class. And we did the long one, not the express. And that was extremely helpful.
[00:31:33] Lisa: Great. And again, I'll be sure to link to that in the resources for this episode. Well, so is there anything that you haven't gotten to share? Did I think you were thinking about sharing a little bit about postpartum in the times of COVID. Did you want to talk about that a little bit?
[00:31:50] Scharisse: Yeah, I did. Well, there, there was a couple of things I wanted to touch on in the postpartum too, in, in just the fact how important to, how lucky I think I was also to have like such great lactation support in a twofold kind of way. So one like my doulas, Myla and Emily, gave me a lot of like advice and support with lactation.
[00:32:10] But also Tanya really supported me. Especially like in December I ended up my whole family getting Covid, unfortunately, but my supply completely like tanked. Like I had a little, he was getting like an ounce every time he nursed from me.
[00:32:28] And then like, we were using like a supplemental nursing system so that he was still latched, but, you know, get from me and also like from the supplement. And then when I got sick, my supply completely tanked. And so like, I reached out to Tanya and she was really supportive and like really helped me feel like hey, it doesn't have to be the end of the journey. Like there are resources. She put me in touch with another lactation consultant who like, knows certain ways to like relactate and stuff. And then she also made me feel like, you know what, though, if this is the end of my nursing journey, that it was okay. And there was this feeling that I was having, like, I was really upset about it because first of all, I didn't think I was going to be able a nurse at all in the first place. And then I actually was able to nurse and I was really excited about that. So like for it to only last like three months, I was like really upset about it.
[00:33:22] And this is, like I said, the support, like after speaking with Tanya, like I just felt-- and she didn't say anything like, " It's going to be okay." Or anything like that. It was just listening to me, I think. And I just felt after I had gotten off the phone with her, I was like, you know what? If this is over, I'm okay with it. I got three whole months of nursing him and I got attachment and like special bonding time with him that I didn't even think I was going to get in the first place. And I don't think I would have been as okay with that if I didn't have Tanya's support and Myla's support and Emily's support. And also like, you know, if I would have had a hospital birth, they would have been like, "Here's some formula, like good luck, bye."
[00:34:14] You know, whereas not only did I have all this support, but then when the first couple of days, like he wasn't getting that much food and he lost like a lot of weight and he was already tiny to begin with. He was like five pounds, 12 ounces when he was born, like apparently women in my family just make tiny babies. I talked to my mom, my sisters, they're all like, we're all under six pounds. So he wasn't gaining weight, and I was freaking out about it. And Tanya was like, "Let's give him a little formula. It's okay. Like, he's still nursing from me. Let's give him a little formula. Let's get them fed." Just the way that she, like, she's super matter of fact when she talks, but she also is like super caring, right. And she just makes you feel like it's okay. I was so bummed. I was like, "Oh, I don't want to give him formula.". But then I was like, "He needs formula. Like, it's fine." Like, so Sarah, who's another person who works at Manhattan Birth came to my house and she stayed at my house for like two hours, like showing me different ways to latch, showing me how to use the supplemental nursing system.
[00:35:09] And it wasn't a fancy one. I was literally just like, poke a hole in the nipple and a here's a feeding tube and pop the tube in his mouth. But like, she taught me how to do this, right. Like who does that? Like, they don't do that for you at the hospital. You know what I mean? And then, like I said, Robina helped me get donor milk, Myla was helping me get donor milk.
[00:35:25] Like there's this constant checking in and it's like, just because I gave birth doesn't mean that this connection is over. Whereas if I was in a clinical setting, it definitely would have been over right? So I think that's the important piece where it's like, it's true care. It's not like, Oh, you're getting prenatal care. You're getting like, well, you know, your OB GYN care, whatever. That's not really care, right? That's just, somebody's like taking your blood pressure, you know, it's not care. It's clinical monitoring and assistance. This is care, right.
[00:36:07] Lisa: This is holistic care. Seeing a whole person with mental health, seeing that that matters. I love this.
[00:36:16] Scharisse: Yeah. And then I did want to touch on the fact that like, you know, giving birth during a pandemic really is sucky. I don't know another word for it. Because when you give birth, you're supposed to have like your village, right? Like you're supposed to have like your mom come and your sisters come and like your friends come over and like someone's supposed to help the baby so that you can like shower, and poo in peace, and like take a nap and like all this stuff and like eat and like, that didn't really happen for me.
[00:36:45] Because it's a pandemic, right. And so that's been kind of hard. But at the same time, like I've at least been lucky enough where I had a lot of time with my baby. And I'm also I'm extremely lucky in that the administration at the school that I teach at is extremely supportive of parents, like extremely supportive.
[00:37:08] And so when I was supposed to come back at the end of the third month, my boss checked in with me and was like, "How are you feeling?" And I was like, "I don't feel ready." And she's like, "Okay, so you're not ready." You know, I wasn't getting paid, but I wasn't gonna lose my job either. You know, she was just like, "You know, we're here for you when you're ready. Like, you know, come back." And so I came back when I was ready, but so I was really lucky in that. But you know, having a baby during a pandemic, is just hard because you don't get that same amount of support that you would have otherwise in a normal time. Yeah. That's the only thing that I wish was different.
[00:37:52] Lisa: And is your family local, your sisters?
[00:37:57] Scharisse: No. So, and that's the other thing with the pandemic. They can't really like air travel and like, you know, some people are like immunocompromised and now, like one of my sisters just got the vaccine, she had her first dose and she was actually going to come this weekend.
[00:38:08] And then she had looked up that she needs both doses in order to not have to like quarantine for 10 days or something like that. So she's like, "I can't spend 10 days in New York." So she postponed her tickets until after her second dose. But yeah, so I grew up in California. I've lived in New York for almost 20 years now almost. But I'm originally from California and my family's kinda like all over the place. Like my mom and one of my sisters live in Miami and then another sister lives in Oregon. My dad's in Texas. Like we're all over the place. So that is a tricky piece, but like I said, had it been not a pandemic, I would have had my sisters come over and help take care of me, but that's just not how it was. Yeah. So I would say that was like the hardest part, I think. Being pregnant and like very isolated during pregnancy. And then also during the postpartum, like it's been very like isolating, I would say. Yeah.
[00:38:58] Lisa: I'm thinking maybe your sort of adopted family is the Manhattan Birth Mentorship.
[00:39:05] Scharisse: It really is.
[00:39:06] Lisa: It's sort of a support system.
[00:39:08] Scharisse: Yeah. The amount of support that I've gotten from Myla and Emily and Tanya and Robina and all the mentees in my cohort, like it has been amazing. Diego, my baby he's been on donor milk because he had some really bad like digestive issues.
[00:39:22] And he has actually like, they went in with a scope and he has diagnosed reflux. And he has a lot of gastrointestinal things happening. So we tried a million formulas and then it just didn't work. So he's been on donor milk exclusively since November. And there's people who has milk, that's like very far away and it's been hard for me to go get it because also I have like a six month old, right? So, you know, I post on like the Manhattan Birth Facebook page and like people will go pick it up and like bring it to me, like.
[00:39:54] Lisa: That's amazing.
[00:39:55] Scharisse: Amazing, right. Well, I mean, it's, it's just it's been a wonderful experience.
[00:40:04] Lisa: Well, is there anything that you haven't gotten to share that you'd like to share before we wrap things up? Or are there any final insights or tips that you would want to pass along to anyone who's expecting a baby?
[00:40:17] Scharisse: I think the first thing that I want people to know is that if you are a Medicaid recipient, there's nothing that says that you can't have a home birth.
[00:40:30]And they like to tell you that they won't cover it, but they at least cover part of it. And you can find midwives who want to help. They're out there. You just have to find them. So that's number one. I think that people should realize that. Number two, I think that the second piece of that is like Emily said, you deserve to have a good birth.
[00:40:54] You don't deserve a traumatic birth; nobody does. And I'm certain that if I had stayed at that hospital, I would have had a traumatic birth. So I think there's a thing of believing that you actually deserve something good. And that's hard, especially for a lot of like lower income people like myself, or, you know, a lot of people of color. Sometimes that's the hard thing to recognize that you deserve better. Yeah. And I think that my final takeaway is that if you can help people like Ashe Birthing Services who have a community fund like Manhattan Birth who have a community fund. And if you have the means to do it, you really should, because then you'd be helping someone like myself or another birthing person have a good experience.
[00:41:44] Lisa: Yeah. And even if people don't have the financial resources to help spreading the word on social media, there's absolutely ways to spread the word so that people who do have the resources can contribute. So I'll be sure again, to post all those links in the resources. I've brought up these funds and birthing center up in the Bronx that's in the works with the people you've been talking about the doulas in a past episode, at least one, if not more than one.
[00:42:10] Scharisse: Yeah, Myla is working really hard to bring a birthing center to the Bronx which they really need considering the amount of really just horrible things that have happened to women of color in their birth situations. Yeah.
[00:42:26] Lisa: Yeah, we need that. And yeah, she's doing amazing work. I'm so impressed.
[00:42:32] Scharisse: I'm, I'm really proud to know her and Emily and Tanya and Robina and the entire community. Yeah. And that's the thing too. It's like it's the first time I've really felt truly welcomed in a community. It's really amazing that, you know, I decided to try my hand at this and see how it goes. And just to be embraced pretty much immediately by the birthing community has been just very eye-opening to me that this is a real once again, a community of care, it's not pretend. Like these women want to help other women have babies and they want to help other birthing people have babies, obviously, cause it's not just women, but you know, I think they're there for all birthing people. And I think that that's really important.
[00:43:17] Lisa: Absolutely. Well, thank you so much. Scharisse I really look forward to following your work as you get started in birth work, and I'm just so grateful to hear your story and think it it'll really make a difference for listeners. So many thanks, and I wish you continued healing and bonding with your sweet baby, especially in this transition, going back to work outside the home.
[00:43:42] Scharisse: Yeah, thank you so much. I'm really grateful for this opportunity to speak with you about this.