Today, actor-singer Aimée shares the story of finding out she was pregnant on the heels of her and her husband's honeymoon and right around the beginning of the pandemic. She explains a bit of the challenges of being pregnant during the pandemic. Then Aimée details her baby's birth story of intentionally laboring at home for a good, long time and then giving birth in a Manhattan hospital with the support of her husband and doula and without pain medications. Aimée then goes on to describe how, despite the fact that she had a great birth, she began experiencing postpartum anxiety & depression around 4 weeks out from birth, how the anxiety skyrocketed around 6 weeks when her son became colicky and began having long crying spells, and how critically helpful it was when she sought out a therapist at the Motherhood Center who specializes in the perinatal period.
Resources:
Astoria Doula Collective (doula Bori Laki)
More mental health resources (not just NYC, but also books, online resources, etc.)
Marie Carroll - Fitness / Personal Training / Pilates - @midgenewin
What is Colic in Babies? (Parents.com)
The 5 S’s for calming a crying baby (Happiest Baby on the Block/Dr. Harvey Karp)
Period of Purple Crying (National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome)
Sponsor links:
Astoria Doula Collective - birth, postpartum & fertility doulas serving all of NYC and western Long Island/Nassau County - free, monthly MEET THE DOULAS info session/personal meet & greet
*Disclosure: Links on this page to products are affiliate links; I will receive a small commission on any products you purchase at no additional cost to you.
Episode Topics:
Finding out pregnant right after honeymoon and at beginning of pandemic (April 2020)
Being pregnant during the pandemic -- not being seen being hard
Knowing she was pregnant -- “Your body is not yours anymore, and you know what to do.”
Got very nauseous but never throwing up
Heartburn during entire pregnancy
Taking birth classes
Choosing a doula
Choosing to give birth in a hospital (hard decision)
Meeting Bori Laki, doula, through Astoria Doula Collective - prenatals (one virtual, one in-person)
Rose scent reminds her of her grandmother (who had passed a while before but whom she was close to) -- using a customized oil mixture with rose in labor
Loving being pregnant
Making affirmation cards for labor
On her due date, she starts labor
Stopped work 4 days before her due date 12/9, baby not born until 12/11
Contractions start in the evening of 12/9 while on a Zoom with family
Thinks she’s in labor so goes to bed
Wakes up at 2:30am, texts Bori
Next morning, still having contractions. Watch Schitt’s Creek
Walking
Watching Jeopardy and things get very intense
Bori makes arrangements to over when things get more intense, 7-10 min frequency
Using exercise ball, rocking, being with Sean
Goes to shower with tea lights and it’s very helpful
Bori arrive
Frequency is 4 min for hours
Bori supports her while Sean grabs a nap
Really intense contractions
Transferring to Mt. Sinai East
Vocalizing and singing in labor
Going to triage by herself
Water breaks as soon as she gets through triage
She’s 7cm upon arrival at hospital
Progresses from 7 to 9 ½ cm in a very short time
Pushed for 3 hrs
Pushed lying down on side and squatting
At the end pushing on back
Bori has her smell peppermint oil to give her energy (she had been up for 48 hrs)
One final push and at 8:32am Aidan is born
Sean’s late father’s birthday is shared by Aidan
Aidan cries right away
Feeling a great sense of love and “I know you” but also “I don’t know you” -- excitement ot learn more, wanting to protect
Initial breastfeeding -- doing breast crawl
Asking to see the placenta
Postpartum anxiety started around 4th or 5th week (blissed out before that)
6th week - baby becomes colicky
Multiple bad nights in a row
Specific thoughts that PPA was bringing
Seeking out therapy
Feeling a lot of shame, finding out several friends had experienced PPA
Breastfeeding was so hard and anxiety-provoking - getting support from a lactation consultant
Reflecting on last 3+ months - give yourself grace and be gentle with yourself
If you’re feeling depressed or anxious, reach out for help
Being a new parent in a pandemic -- hold your love for yourself, call upon your partner, friends and family, keep tenderness, keep hope
Interview Transcript
Lisa: Hello, hello and welcome, Aimée. So good to see you.
[00:00:03] Aimée: So great to see you. I've been looking forward to this all week. I'm so, so excited to talk to you.
[00:00:09] Lisa: Can you please just take a moment to introduce yourself a little bit?
[00:00:12] Aimée: Yes, yes. Hello, my name Aimée Cucchiaro Modica. I live in Astoria, Queens, and that's how I found Lisa. Cause we both live in Astoria. And I've lived in Astoria for over 12 years, so I'm not a born and bred New Yorker, but definitely an Astorian at heart. And I am an actress. I'm a singer. And I also work for this incredible, incredible luxury jewelry brand called Zameer Kassam fine jewelry. And now I'm a new mom. That's my next new role. So here we are.
[00:00:47] Lisa: And we are recording this at the end of March. You gave birth in December, right?
[00:00:52] Aimée: I gave birth on December 11th. And I'll talk to you a little bit about how special that date was in a little bit. So we gave birth on December 11th of 2020. And so Aiden is now a little bit over three months. He's almost at his four month mark. So we are ending that fourth trimester and we are absolutely delighted and thrilled and all the feelings that any new parents have. So we're very happy.
[00:01:19] Lisa: So do you want to talk a little bit about your pregnancy?
[00:01:21] Aimée: Yes, I would love to. So first off, Sean, my husband and I, we got pregnant early March last year. So almost a year ago now. And as you all kind of recall, that was the beginning of this pandemic of COVID. So we found out that we were pregnant in April and it was kind of the beginning of what the world was going to look like and what it came to be, but it was just like the beginning of it. And so we were very surprised that we got pregnant.
[00:01:56] Lisa: I was about to ask were you planning it or not?
[00:01:58] Aimée: We weren't planning it. So if I back up, so we got married and then we, we had just got back from our honeymoon actually two days before the New York City shut down. It was so wild because, so we got-- actually, when we were in the airport we were like seeing people wiping down their seats in the airplane. And we happened to have some hand sanitizer at the time because we went to Hawaii. We were doing some hikes. So we always had that.
[00:02:26] But we didn't know at all the scope of what was going down. We were on our honeymoon and we weren't watching the news and we were just kind of enjoying being together. So when we got back, I remember I called one of my really great friends and I was like, "We're like totally taken out of here. Do I have to go and should I go get some rations? Like, should I get some food? We don't have any food in the house. Should we do this?" He's like, "I think it's a good idea for you to get some food and maybe try to find some hand sanitizer. It was already gone. I think we maybe got toilet paper at that time and the next day was the shutdown.
[00:03:00] So we were definitely taken aback, as everybody was, about kind of how quickly everything progressed with this pandemic. And we had decided that we were going to start trying right after the honeymoon. So we we're like, "Hey, let's just, we have no idea how long this is going to take. Let's just go for it." So we did, and we got pregnant right away is amazing and terrifying and everything. And because of the pandemic and the way that we kind of moved through the pandemic, I got a pregnancy test before, but I got a bunch because I was like, I don't want us to have to go back to the store.
[00:03:40] Which is part of like almost our pregnancy story in a way, this living in pregnancy through this pandemic has been just like just such a different rollercoaster of a ride than I think that a lot of people have been pregnant beforehand. So anyway, got the test. We tested positive. And that was the catapult to the beginning.
[00:04:01] Lisa: May I ask you a quick question? I recently had on the podcast an expert on the fertility awareness method and talking about conception and different struggles people have, and we were talking about the pill and how long it can take to conceive, you know, once you get off of the pill, just out of curiosity: it's okay if you're not comfortable sharing, but had you been on the pill? Had you been using any kind of birth control before?
[00:04:28] Aimée: No. So when I was very young, when I was a teenager, I started birth control and then I stopped. I was on it for 10 years. And when I was on birth control pills, my mood definitely went like up and down, up and down.
[00:04:40] There was a part of me at one point I was like, I have never been an adult not on birth control. And I don't know what it feels like for me not to have that like up and down hormone experience. So I went off of it. And I definitely felt a lot more even. It was actually a wild experience for me to kind of move in that way where I was so used to this.
[00:05:04] And then all of a sudden I was more like this, my anxiety got a lot better during that time. And so that was during, so we were not, we, yeah, I hadn't been on birth control for quite some time before we started trying.
[00:05:16] Lisa: And that's interesting to note because of-- if anyone's curious, you can go back and listen to the episode with Lisa Hendrickson -Jack on The Fifth Vital Sign. But yeah. Thank you for sharing that.
[00:05:29] Aimée: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think that, you know, everybody's, everybody's journey in this world is different, right? And I think that everyone's journey in safe sex and contraception is very different. And I think that, you know, the more that we learn, the more especially, you know, I'm 37. So giving a 17 year old pill to regulate her period, which is why I went on birth control to begin with was acceptable. And there was no question about it. It was like, okay, great. There's a pill. It's going to help you from getting my period every day, which is what was going on.
[00:06:03] And you know, but now I think that there's just so much more knowledge. There's so much more research about birth control and the different types and kind of where we need to go. And I think that as women it's really important for us to investigate and to kind of get a sense of what works best for you.
[00:06:18] Lisa: Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:06:20] Aimée: So we got pregnant in March and we found out in April and it was go time from there on. So as far as my pregnancy goes -- I'll take a little pause here too. My very best friend also had gone through her pregnancy and had ended up having her beautiful baby boy in April.
[00:06:40] So I had her and a couple of other girlfriends who had freshly experienced this and her experience, of course, was having her baby during the pandemic early on. So very, very different to where I had my child later on in the pandemic. But I had the support and the love from her during this experience, which I'm very grateful for. But as our experience kind of progressed, there is something about being pregnant during this time because nobody saw me except for my mom for a little bit of time I was able to work from home and so I was able to work from her home.
[00:07:21] So my mom really saw me. And then a couple of my friends saw me, you know, a couple of times throughout the pregnancy, but there is something about being pregnant during that time and not being seen pregnant. When you fantasize about your pregnancy and this really special moment, I've wanted to have a child all of my life.
[00:07:42] So to become pregnant and not be seen was-- it was difficult because it almost feels as if it's unreal in a way. Feels very real to you, but it feels like, you know, no one's touching your belly except for my husband. No, one's pointing it out on the streets. Maybe someone would, but everyone's in masks so everyone's kind of looking down. So there was a little bit of like a tiny bit of mourning of what the pregnancy experience could have been if we weren't in this pandemic, which was really interesting. I know that whenever I had a work Zoom like this, I would try to show them and be like, I'm really pregnant, I swear. Nobody got to see it. And so that was like a little piece of like the big pregnancy journey that we went on. But my pregnancy went fairly, fairly smooth. I worked with an OB GYN someone who I had met only two months prior. So I wasn't with my OB GYN very long before we were pregnant.
[00:08:49] And then my OB GYN halfway through my pregnancy, ended up leaving the practice and I had a new one. So this kind of goes to show you when you're going through pregnancy, you have to kind of just like, go with the flow, like things don't go the way you think it's going to. And then as far as labor and delivery, I didn't have my OB GYN at all. I had two other beautiful women. So it's just kind of, there's nothing you can prepare. We're going to say that probably a million times.
[00:09:16] Lisa: Very unpredictable, right?
[00:09:18] Aimée: Very unpredictable. Oh, this is actually very interesting. Very quickly I knew that I was pregnant, even though I had never been pregnant before I had two very distinct thoughts. And I just had a feeling I was pregnant. One was physical. My boobs got very swollen and I was like, this is not just period swollen. This is something other than. But I started also feeling another physical, which was a little bit of a cramp in my left side of my uterus. And I just clocked it, you know, like, okay.
[00:09:53] And then I remember I was walking, I went on a walk by myself, like one day. I hadn't gotten my period for like, maybe like a day. Which was not abnormal for me to be like a little, like a day or two late. But I just was like checking. I was, you know, on my walk and I had this thought that came to my mind, which was, "Your body is not just yours anymore. And you know what to do." And I was like, Whoa, where did that come from? As you can tell a very spiritual person. So when I got that kind of that thought or that those words I was like, "I think I might be pregnant," like this is not. I don't think that, you know, on a regular day.
[00:10:32] Lisa: That is so cool.
[00:10:33] Aimée: So that was like in a spiritual way. I had this physical stuff that was going on. Then in spiritual, I was like, Whoa. Okay. And see, then we got pregnant. So as far as the pregnancy goes I didn't get sick. I got very nauseous, but I didn't throw up like a lot of women did, which worried me to be honest. Cause I was like, this is what you're supposed to do and I'm not getting sick; is everything okay?
[00:10:54] I think that there was a lot of worry throughout, pandemic or not, through the pregnancy, but you know, I had really bad nausea, morning sickness and terrible heartburn from the beginning to the end.
[00:11:08] Lisa: Oh, why the whole thing?
[00:11:11] Aimée: The whole time. It was becoming comical towards the end.
[00:11:15] And yes, what else during our pregnancy? Very early on, I thought to myself, and this is kind of who I am too. I'm very type A personality. Like gotta learn everything, got to find a birthing class. And that's when I found you Lisa. And Sean and I, we are just so grateful that we found you from minute one we fell in love with you, fell in love with your class. It was the most beneficial thing that could have prepared us for pregnancy, labor and delivery. And that was almost kind of like a serendipitous thing too. Cause I was like birthing classes and I just like went to town, Googling, Googling, Googling.
[00:11:52] And your house was the first one. And I was like Astoria? That could be kind of cool because maybe the pandemic is going to end tomorrow. It didn't, but maybe, and I can meet some more couples and some more new moms. And then we signed up and then we began and it was the most beneficial for us a thousand percent. We learned from top to bottom, the stages of labor, which was super important because while I was in labor, I could identify. I was still in a haze as you are in that like labor haze, but I could identify, "Oh, this is, I'm pretty sure this is transition," or "Whoa, that gush of something? Oh, my water broke." And. Yada, yada. So that was wonderful. Another thing that I really loved with your class was of course, the coping techniques that we did incorporate during the beginning of labor and the ice thing that you do, I thought was really, really great. We, we did that after your class to kind of prepare of like what it's like.
[00:12:55] Lisa: I just assume no one's ever going to do that after, because it's not very fun, but it is really informative. Right? I'm so excited to hear that,
[00:13:03] Aimée: But it is informative cause it just kind of goes to show you how you navigate through uncomfortable and also how short and/or long a minute could feel like. So that was really, really, really helpful. And then also the resources that you give your students are beyond helpful from the nutritional stuff to the doulas and the help that you can get and all of that.
[00:13:31] And we did end up picking a doula during our pregnancy as well through you. So, so, so, so, so, so helpful. And then, so yeah, so pregnancy went really well. We ended up going with a doula. We first chose to deliver in a hospital and that was a choice that came from a lot of conversation. So I always had in my mind that I wanted to have a natural birthing experience.
[00:13:58] And that the idea of giving birth in a hospital didn't feel as like grounding or as spiritual as I wanted, or I had imagined. But then with the pandemic and because there was so much unknown, I went back into forth and we ended up choosing definitely going to a hospital. One was, it just felt a little bit more comfort from what we know would be uncomfortable.
[00:14:28] And then too, I had a few friends who recently had children, had babies, and needed to be nearby a hospital. So with those factors, kind of in the back of my mind, we chose the hospital, though I like kind of kicked and screamed on my way to that choice. At the end of the day, I'm so happy with choosing the hospital.
[00:14:52] Maybe birthing center will be in my future, but we're like, they took care of us immensely. And the fact that I was able to use the OB GYNs, it was incredible. And I got a really good chunk of what my dream birth plan would be in the hospital, which I thought was really, really, really great.
[00:15:11] So because I chose the hospital, we also said, well, if we're going to do that, let's at least have a doula who is going to advocate for us and also be a part of this birth plan. And again, this like spiritual rainbow is what I wanted. So through Lisa we looked at the Astoria Doula Collective keeping it all in Astoria.
I call upon all women from my ancestry to guide me
[00:15:36] And through that we met Bori Laki and she was unbelievable. What really stood out for us. We met her via zoom and her expertise, of course, with being a doula, being an incredible mom with her two boys is that she works with essential oils and that's something that I was really, really interested in and that I do on my daily basis at home. So why not bring that into the labor room and delivery. So that really, really stood out. So we worked with her via zoom first and then she did come to our home and we did some hands on coping, physical massage and stretching things with my husband, Sean, after. So we did one with zoom and then we did one in person and in person, we were super safe; we were all masked. But it was a way for us to kind of get a little bit of like a physical touch. She also brought in some essential oils for us to try and like what I liked, what I didn't like. I like everything I'm really, really easy. One thing that she did clock, which I really, really appreciate was I talked about my grandmother a little bit when she was at my home in our home. And my grandmother passed away many years ago, but I was very, very close with her. And the scent of Rose always reminded me of my grandmother. Cause she always had this like Rose powder that would be in her bathroom. And so whenever I smell roses, I think of my grandmother. She also had a Rose Bush in her backyard. So, fast forward to when I was in labor, she had made all these different essential oil blends, and one of them was a Rose one to kind of remind me and kind of bring my grandmother into that experience and what I was experiencing at that moment, which I really appreciated. And it made me feel like she really saw me and that she really was taking me into consideration during a special time. So--
[00:17:30] Lisa: What a treasure.
[00:17:31] Aimée: A treasure. She's a treasure. Bori Laki. Find her; she's great.
[00:17:37] I'm trying to think of what other things came along during the pregnancy. Everything, I mean, when I think about it, it felt very smooth.
[00:17:45] Now my anxiety definitely like went up and down and up and down for every single test that you had to take, but we were really, really lucky and I feel really blessed for my husband because he was such a support during that time. And especially cause it was just the two of us and quarantining with the person you love you know, can get sticky sometimes, but we really just leaned onto each other and he was just such a great support during the pregnancy. And he was so jazzed, especially during your class too. Cause he just felt like he was doing things and he just felt, you know, really excited about the hands-on stuff that he was going to be able to do with coping with the pain and all of these things.
[00:18:28] Lisa: My ideal partner student!
[00:18:31] Aimée: He was just so down, just so, so, so excited. And then also, you know, preparation. You know all the gear, all the baby gear that you need, the crib, the wraps, the toys. I remember at one point when we were doing our registry, I looked and said, "Sean, there's no toys on this, like this kid not gonna have a toy?"
[00:18:51]We forgot toys. Cause you're thinking about the diapers and all of this other stuff. So that was also part of the experience. And yeah, that was pregnancy and I really loved being pregnant. I really loved it.
[00:19:04] Lisa: Despite the heartburn.
[00:19:05] Aimée: Despite the heartburn, I loved it so much. I felt really, really grateful. Especially, I think during this time, it was something to look forward to. For us to have this major life change during this time in the world, it was just something for us to keep on looking forward to, and really, really, really, really grateful for my pregnancy and loved it so much that, you know, right after you go into labor that kind of closure of pregnancy, I still haven't yet like really dived into. 'Cause I don't know if we're going to have another child; we'll see. But that, that time was just so precious and so special to me that I think that there's some closure stuff that I have to do for that chapter.
Me and my baby are safe and healthy
[00:19:53] Oh, one more thing that I did for pregnancy and I actually have them here. I made affirmation cards for my labor. So I used some watercolors and I wrote some
[00:20:04] Lisa: That's beautiful!
[00:20:05] Aimée: Thank you. "Me and my baby are safe and healthy," "I am strong physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually," "My baby and I work together easily and effortlessly." And this was kind of the bread and butter for me to kind of get into the mindset of this really crazy thing that's going to be happening to me, labor and to bring it kind of back to what it is. Positive affirmations, I think are really, really, really if, if any pregnant people are out there, I highly suggest them
[00:20:35] Lisa: And if you might be willing to take a picture of one or two of those for the show notes page, I would love to post those. Because they're beautiful and the people who are listening can't see them.
[00:20:45] Aimée: Definitely. Definitely. Thank you. But also, know I'm not an artist.
[00:20:50] Lisa: You could've fooled me.
[00:20:51] Aimée: Thank you. So that was another thing that I prepared during my pregnancy, which was a great memory. It was super fun to do. Yeah.
[00:20:59] And then on my due date, I started labor. So taking a step back, I stopped work four days before my due date, because I really wanted to work up until the end so that I could have as much maternity leave as I could take-- all those days.
[00:21:17] So I had expected that I was going to be a week late because I was a week late from my mom. Sean was like, I think a little late for his mom. And my brother was also a week late for my mom. So I was like, convinced, like I'm going to have this week of relaxation. Yeah. Right. Not really. But that was what I thought.
[00:21:36] So ended my work and the next day I was like, you know what? I think I'm going to actually, I think I might be on time-ish Now I was due on December 9th and Aiden was born on December 11th. So my contractions started on December 9th in the late evening. While I was on a zoom with my family and we were chatting and were laughing a lot.
[00:22:01] I remember the laughter happened. And then all of a sudden I felt what was like a Braxton Hicks, which I was having consistently throughout that week. And I was like, "Okay, I'm clocking it." And then 20 minutes later it happened again. I was like, "Okay. That's two." 20 minutes later. Okay. Is this a pattern? Seems like it's a pattern. It was in the evening. So I think I told Sean, I was like, "I just want you to know I think I found a pattern here and I think let's go to bed. It's late. It's like 11:00 PM. Let's go to bed."
[00:22:30] Lisa: Yay. Go to bed.
[00:22:35] Aimée: So went to sleep. I probably woke up at like two. I remember I woke up at 2:30 with another one. I was like, okay, so still going on and let me text my doula. So I text Bori and she's like, "This is great. Keep me posted on how things go." Great. Next morning, they were consistently like about 20 minutes and then a 30 minute would go.
[00:22:57] We relaxed at home. We watched a television show Schitt's Creek and just kind of like kept everything really light.
[00:23:05] Lisa: I love that show. We just finished it recently.
[00:23:07] Aimée: It's so great. It's so, so great. And that will, will always be a part of our birth plan. And yeah, it was like 20 minutes and 30 minutes and we texted Bori. It was like, it's still kind of, you know, we're a part here and she's like, "Why don't you go for a walk and just see how it goes?" And it was turning dusk so I went for this nice walk and that's where things really do start to kick up into higher gear. I remember we were walking a little bit and then I'd be like, I have to stop for a second.
[00:23:34] Okay. And then we'd walk about a little bit, a little bit more. I had to stop. And then we came home and I remember Jeopardy was on and that's when it turned quite quickly. So it was 20, then like 17 and the next one was 10 minutes apart and it felt like it was very quick. So I text Bori again. I was like, "Okay, we're now 10 minutes apart."
[00:23:56] And she's like, "Great. I'm going to wrap some things up and then I'll come on over." So she came over when I was definitely in the thick of it. So let's see, it went from 20 to 10 and then maybe like an hour later, I was like a certain like seven to five consistently. And they were very, very intense contractions.
[00:24:17] My favorite part-- so in the beginning, Sean and I were on the yoga exercise bottle because that felt really nice and soothing. He was kind of like holding my hands. He was kind of holding me up. We did some of the dancing and rocking that you suggested, which was really beautiful and really intimate.
[00:24:33] All the lights were down, there were candles on-- or a flame. And then there was just like a point where it was really rough. My lower back. I was having a lot of lower back labor and I went to the shower. And that was the only thing that was going to help me at that point. The hot water, just like pounding on my lower back.
[00:24:54] I was doubled over having the contractions, all the lights were out in the bathroom. Sean put like the electric tea lights in the bathtub so that I had a little bit of light, but it was just me and the shower and the water. And that was 100% the game changer at that moment of labor. And I got--
[00:25:12] Lisa: Hydrotherapy's powerful.
[00:25:13] Aimée: Hydrotherapy, unbelievable. So I came out and then I think maybe like, you know, 20 minutes later, my doula Bori came and then I was consistently five minutes and then I went to four minutes apart for hours and I wasn't speeding up. And it was quite painful and she was doing everything that she could to take the pressure off my back.
[00:25:43] Sean took a nap at one point, this is the power of a doula that your partner is able to kind of rest so that you have your doula to kind of help you through it. So she was amazing. The essential oils were amazing and I was just consistently four minutes apart. Now I spoke to my OB GYN prior in the evening, and she had said that if I wanted to try to do this naturally to labor at home, as long as possible.
[00:26:09] And she said not to come in until I was three or two minutes apart, which felt really, really crazy to me and really, really nerve-wracking and I was like, Oh, we should do that.
[00:26:19] Lisa: And you were going from Astoria to where was it?
[00:26:21] Aimée: So it was Mount Sinai East. So Upper East Side.
[00:26:23] Lisa: So that's close.
[00:26:24] Aimée: Yeah. Close, definitely. Especially this late in the evening. So I wanna say we're at like now 12:00 AM and then I was just consistently four minutes and it wasn't speeding up. And the pain was really, really, really getting to me the breathing stuff, the affirmation cards, everything was there, but was it just like the bottom line was, I was just in that place.
[00:26:46] I looked at Bori and I said, "I don't know what to do here." And she said, "We can do one of two things. We stick it out and we keep going and we see if you speed up or go to the hospital and just kind of see where you are in terms of your dilation. And if you're super far, then we can discuss, if you want to do an epidural."
[00:27:05] And I said, "Great idea." So we got in the car, we got to the hospital. I don't really remember the car ride. I remember I was in a lot of pain and screaming and calling my OBGYN and we're like, "We're on our way. Hold on one second. [scream] Okay, we're almost there.
I am grounded in all environments during my labor and birth
[00:27:22] Lisa: And you're a singer. So, I mean, do you remember the kind of vocalization and screaming you were doing?
[00:27:28] Aimée: That's a great question. So I, because I sing, I definitely sang through a lot of my contractions, especially at home. It just kind of like helped me kind of get out of my head a little bit of the pain. So that was really, really, really helpful. And later when I was in the bed and pushing I was speaking, not, I don't want to say that I was speaking in tongues, but I was kind of like babbling a little bit just to kind of, it was a way for me to cope in not just like a screaming way, but to kind of, I don't know, loosen up my lips and, and, and take myself out of what was going on.
[00:28:05] So those are two tools that-- the singing, I thought that I might do, but the babbling that like very primal guttural babbling with something that I did not expect, but was really, really cool. And I think did help me again, just like deflect from the physical pain that I was going through during that time.
[00:28:25] Lisa: And I'm just curious, what vocal part are you and what was your background in terms of kind of training or style?
[00:28:31] Aimée: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I have a musical theater background and like a pop rock background, so, and I'm a high belter, so it was very loud and powerful. So Aiden, my son has a very powerful, powerful cry and scream as well. So, look out.
[00:28:50] So we got to the hospital triage. I went by myself because of COVID and I, again, I don't really remember much because I was in just a ton of pain. I remember thinking, you're asking me to like to sign papers right now. I can't even focus
[00:29:04] Lisa: Isn't that so less than ideal?
[00:29:06] Aimée: It was less than ideal. And at that point, I did not think that my water had broken and I was correct. My water had not broken at that point. As soon as I got through triage my water broke and eventually my doula came in; when Bori came in, she was like, "Thank goodness, this is great. We don't have to get it broken for you. This is great." We're like on track.
[00:29:30] I got there, they checked me. I was seven centimeters. And then they said, "Okay, we're going to move you to the room. Do you want the epidural? I was like, let me just hold off for a little bit longer. Just a little bit longer. Let's just see, because that was much further than I had expected.
[00:29:45] 20 minutes later, I was nine and a half centimeters in the room. Sean came in, we all got COVID tests very, very quickly. I was in the bed and I was pushing and I pushed for three hours. Interestingly, I stayed at four minutes apart from, you know, when I was at home until the end, I never sped up.
[00:30:09] So it was a lot of labor literally. Cause I was gathering up all this energy to push. And it was a lot of time in between. So that's why it took so long. My beautiful baby boy has a huge head and it just was getting stuck. And he also came out with a full head of hair. So like they would see like a peek of his head and his hair and then it would suck back in. And then a little bit more. And there was a point where I was like, "Guys, you keep on telling me he's right there and he's not, you have to just let me, I can't, I just don't even tell me that he's there. I'm just gonna do my thing." I pushed lying down. I pushed on the side and I pushed squatting. So all these different ways to try to get this little baby boy out. At the end, laying on my back was actually what did it.
[00:30:55] So I had always imagined that I would be pushing in the squatting position. It made the most sense to me. But that day. The back was what I needed. That was what worked. Yeah. Towards the end, because it was taking so long and I was. So exhausted. I'm so exhausted. Bori had peppermint oil.
[00:31:15] And that was like, whenever I would smell that underneath my mask, I would get like a jolt of energy. But I had been up for almost 48 hours. And as any pregnant women and people that have had babies that are listening know, it's a lot of work and it's especially with your first. So I was exhausted.
[00:31:32] And so my doctor said, "Why don't we give you a little bit of Pitocin just to see if it will speed up your contractions." And I had been so resistant, but at that point, I said, "Okay, let's do it, whatever it takes here." And she gave it to me and it did nothing. Still was four minutes apart and--
[00:31:51] Lisa: Some people's bodies just don't respond to it.
[00:31:53] Aimée: Exactly. And then one final push. And he was born on December 11th at 8:32 AM. And what's really great is that, that was Sean, my husband's late father's birthday. So it was always a chance that our son could be born on his birthday. And though I didn't get to ever meet Frank, he was such a love from everything I know about him. He was a huge love. Everyone loved him. And more than anything he would be happy to have his grandson be on his birthday. So when the contractions started on the ninth, I was like, "It's a possibility, it's an absolute possibility." And Sean's mom, Kathleen, was definitely praying and asking for it because she was just so, so, so excited.
[00:32:41] It's the first grandchild in their family as well as my family. So when he was born on December 11th, it was really, really, really special. Also, the number 11 is a spiritual number that Sean and I share together. And I was so close. Our wedding date is August 31st, eight 31. So if I had just pushed like a little bit faster, Aiden would have been born at 8:31am.
[00:33:12] Lisa: So close! Maybe depends on what clock you're looking at. You could say 8:31.
[00:33:17] Aimée: So that was also really cool. He had a big scream- cry. The nurse was like, "That's a, that's a great cry. That's a mighty cry." And then Aiden was in our world. So that is the story. I think, I think I got it all.
[00:33:36] Yeah.
[00:33:36] Lisa: And any feelings, emotions or physical sensations that you would reflect on at that moment of meeting your son? I know you were really exhausted, so that might've just been like relief and exhaustion or, or maybe you had a surge of energy. What was that like?
[00:33:52] Aimée: I had a surge of energy. I remember you know, everyone says that when your baby, when you, when you give birth and your baby's brought to you and we had skin on skin right away, we wanted to delay the cord clamping, but Aiden pooped inside of me so they had to kind of just make sure that everything was okay. Sean did cut the cord, which was special. But when, when they laid him on top of me and we had skin to skin for like the first few moments, I felt a great sense of besides exhaustion, love. Just this, this love and, " I know you." And everyone says that and, and you just can't really describe it or understand it until you're experiencing it.
[00:34:40] I just was like, "This is our son." This is somebody that has been with us for nine months, maybe even longer. And that felt really, really, really special. There also was a part of me of saying, " I know you, but I also don't know you." You're now this like creature, you're this like creature creature, that's just, sliming all over. And this excitement of trying to learn more in this like split second. And this, this feeling of protection wanting to protect. Sean also put on, "I Will" from the Beatles, which was our wedding song. So that was the first time that Aiden got to experience. Yeah. So that was really special.
[00:35:23] Then we got skin to skin for a while. He tried to breastfeed. He definitely did the breast crawl. He got to my breasts, but didn't seem like he wasn't getting anything at that time, but that was really cool. And it was, it's a surreal moment. Another thing is which I also suggest to a lot of pregnant women is to consider asking your midwife or your doctor to show you your placenta.
[00:35:44] I did it, it was Bori, our doula's recommendation. And that was so fascinating. And I was extremely lucid at this time. But to see this organ that you. You create, you, you grow-- one time deal for your child to kind of see that. I mean, it's something that, you know, is usually just thrown away, but that was really a powerful moment as well, to kind of see something that as a woman you grew in addition to your child to give your child life was really, really special. So I highly suggest it. Is it bloody? Yes. Is it gross? Yes. But look at it, take a look and ask them to kind of show you the ins and outs of that because that's something you made.
[00:36:28] Lisa: It's pretty amazing. I totally agree. Yeah. And they'll give you the whole, I mean, brief tour of it showing you, this is the side that was attached to the uterus and this is the side that was their house, so to speak.
[00:36:40] Aimée: Exactly. It's amazing. Yeah, any other questions about the birth story and then I'd love to talk a little bit about post[partum].
[00:36:46] Lisa: Yeah. Going back to the different pushing positions that you experimented with had you had a conversation. I know these were not the doctors you had been working with, but in your prenatal visits, had you expressed that you would like to have freedom to push in whatever position or were they just really flexible in the moment?
[00:37:07] Aimée: I did. So birth plan. So we created this birth plan. It was this beautiful birth plan. I called it my birth wishes instead of plan, because I understood mentally that you can't prepare, you just can't prepare.
[00:37:22] And in the moment indeed, because I had -- it's so funny. In preparation, I had typed everything out. I probably printed it a dozen times, edits and all that. And did that sheet of paper end up in anybody's hands that day? No. Because everything happened really, really quickly. So I did tell my OB GYN that I wanted to move around.
[00:37:44] We labored so much at home that we didn't even get to that when we got to the hospital, which is awesome. Cause I did essentially get to move around, but that was definitely in there that I wanted to be able to move around and that I wanted to explore different positions. And so, but did I talk about that?
[00:38:02]It was more in the moment because we didn't get to go through my plan at all. It was more like, "Hey guys, this is not really working. Can I try it on the side? Let me see if that feels a little bit better and can kind of speed things along." And then that really was like, "Okay, great. Let me try now the squatting and everyone kind of held me up in the squat. I was squatting on the bed and somebody--
[00:38:23] Lisa: Did they have a squatting bar?
[00:38:24] Aimée: They did not. The bed was inclined here and so essentially where your head goes on the bed was where I was holding onto. And then I was squatting there.
[00:38:36] Lisa: And you mentioned having two OBs. Was that like back to back -- that there was a shift change when you were there?
[00:38:42] Exactly.
[00:38:43] Aimée: And which was really cool. I feel really grateful for both of them because they were such different OBs, different styles. And so it was great to kind of get a different take on how to like to birth and to push.
[00:38:58] Lisa: Yeah. I was just looking back at the time Aiden was born and probably was around 7:00 AM or something that there was a shift change. So for that last, like second half of pushing, you had a new OB.
[00:39:10] Aimée: Exactly. And everyone was so amazing. Everyone was so amazing and just so grateful. And I found out later that all of the OBs at the place where I go they were all like texting each other and cheering me on because I did end up doing it naturally.
[00:39:28] And I didn't know how rare it was for them to see that. So that felt really nice and they're all women. So like all of these women, just to hear that they were cheering us on and they're in the room, even though they weren't in the room physically, felt really, really, really great.
[00:39:43] Lisa: Nice. All right. Well, want to talk about postpartum a bit?
[00:39:48] Aimée: Yes, I would love to. So we were in the hospital just for two days and we brought Aiden home. The beginning is definitely a blur. You know, the only health complication he had at that time was a little bit of jaundice and it was very, very, very slight. And then he flushed it out and we were good to go.
[00:40:06] My postpartum anxiety began probably in the fourth week. So in the beginning it was just super blessed, really, really tired, but blissed out and wonderful. And so, so, so happy. Navigating this with Sean, just the two of us with no additional physical help was very challenging, but we were doing it and we were doing it, you know, well-- as well as we could. And my anxiety kind of bubbled up around maybe again like the fourth or fifth week. And then the sixth week for me a little bit before his six week old birthday our baby became colic. And when that happened, my anxiety went through the roof. So if people don't know what colic is, colic is when your baby screaming and crying for at least three hours a day for three days a week plus. And a lot with colic, it's almost like this medical mystery in a way, a lot of it has something to do with their digestion and their digestive system just figuring itself out, being new in the world. But then there are some colic babies that have fine digestion and it's kind of this mystery and
[00:41:23] Lisa: It could be a neurological overstimulation factor; that's another really common thing. Yeah.
[00:41:29] Aimée: So when that started it was really, really, really hard for both me and for my husband, but my anxiety just went through the roof and I was feeling, along with anxious, just a lot of crying spells. And I, you know, asked myself like, "Is this postpartum depression?"
[00:41:52] I have no idea. "Is this just the baby blues?" I have no idea. I knew that I was bouncing out of it quite quickly after, but then when the colic kind of kept on going and kept on going and every single night, there was this point during the day that we would call the witching hour that I think a lot of parents call the witching hour and we just dreaded it. We dreaded it. Because all of a sudden Aiden would just start crying and screaming and nothing was going stop it.
[00:42:22] Lisa: Was it like 3:00 PM, 4:00 PM in that ballpark?
[00:42:25] Aimée: Yes. 3:00 PM to like 11:00 PM. It was brutal. And, you know, in between times I'm Googling like a mad woman, what is colic like how can I fix it? What do I do? What are the, okay. Gas pill, great gas drops, great. This, this, this. And so the anxiety of like the actual experience of a screaming baby, and the way that I can describe it is, is that something that you love so much, you love this child, this child looks like you, and he is looking in your eyes in your eyes and screaming his head off and crying as if he's in the worst pain of his life.
I have enough strength for my labor and beyond
[00:43:09] Psychologically it's a lot, especially with someone that's sleep-deprived and anxious. So bad nights, multiple bad nights in a row. Dreading, we still kind of have PTSD in the evenings. Thankfully his colic has gotten so much better, so much better, and it really lasted just a few weeks where there are other people that it lasts up to like month six, and then all of a sudden it disappears.
[00:43:38] So. We are real lucky that we got it for just a short amount of time, but it was terrifying to the point where I was like, I called our pediatrician. I was like, "We need help. We don't know what to do. We don't know how to soothe him." I think that at that point with my anxiety, the thoughts, that part that comes with postpartum anxiety are "I'm not good enough. I'm not a good mother. How could you even believe that you could do this? Sean's going to leave you. Aiden's going to leave you." Things that are not entirely true, but that's what the anxiety does to you. That's what postpartum anxiety does to you. It gives you these thoughts that you're just not good enough, because if you were good enough, you'll be able to soothe this child.
[00:44:25] And it's an awful, awful, awful feeling. Now because of you, Lisa, I was able to get help. So I went through some of your resources and I found my therapist through the Motherhood Center and my therapist name is Elizabeth Baron. She is incredible. And working with her every week, I was able to take a step back and to first understand that I'm not the only woman that goes through this. Cause you feel really, really isolated and really alone and also a pandemic on top of it.
[00:44:59] So this idea of feeling alone with all of these thoughts was that was terrifying. And that's really why I decided that I needed help because I wanted to be the best mom that I thought that I could be, that I could like see a little glimmer of it. Aside from the thoughts of telling myself that I was terrible at it, I was like, I need help because I can't do this to myself.
[00:45:21] I can't do this to Aiden or to Sean. We only have each other at this time. So started working with Elizabeth. She's been absolutely amazing. And I'm a huge advocate of women talking about their postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. Cause it's just not talked about especially anxiety. A lot of people understand or talk a little bit about postpartum depression. Postpartum anxiety is something that I think is like the unveiling of it is becoming more common. So much so that when I started telling my friends about it, cause there was a lot of shame there, when I did start telling them they're like, "Oh, that happened to me exactly the same way. I just didn't really talk about it," or, you know, Oh, in retrospect. "Oh yeah. I remember having those thoughts." But I just thought, you know, I just went with it and I just went moved through it. So this idea of, I wasn't being like this perfect mom that I thought that I could be. And then all these other perfect moms that were like swirling around me, that they also had the same feeling that they also, you know, needed to talk to the pediatrician and be like, "I need help. I think there's something desperately wrong with my child." And then they're saying, "Oh, it's just colic." And also wanting to strangle, it like "It's not just colic." Colic is the worst thing in the world. It's so painful. You know, the more that women talk about this, the less you feel alone.
[00:46:42] Lisa: And pediatricians are supposed to be screening for mental health conditions. But I sense that with anxiety, which is more common than we might think it is, I think that, like, as you're saying pediatricians often just write anxiety, potential anxiety off, if they're sensing that in someone to "They're just nervous first-time parents or they're just nervous parents."
[00:47:07] Aimée: And it's definitely, I mean, and as they should in a way, because it's a fine line.
[00:47:12] Lisa: Yeah. It's tricky.
[00:47:13] Aimée: I've never met this pediatrician. I met day one of Aiden's second day. So they don't know who I am as a person. They don't know what it's like, what I am as my baseline. And then what's anxiety and what's just exhaustion and, and worrying.
[00:47:31] Lisa: Totally. And it's not their specialty either, but because they're the one that parents are seeing, they're given the task of trying to evaluate, you know, and refer if it might be necessary, but I just don't have a good sense of how often do they really do that? You know, I mean, the depression might be a more clear thing, but I think the anxiety goes so underdiagnosed, unaddressed.
[00:47:53] Aimée: Absolutely. And, you know, I think that another part of my anxiety, another big chunk of it was breastfeeding which was for me really anxiety inducing, because it did not come naturally. It was really hard. I despised it at first. It made me really angry because I couldn't get it right. And this is also I think, an underlying thing that I experienced that I think a lot of other women of wanting to do everything right.
[00:48:22] Wanting to be the best mom-- social media showing you the perfect mom and that's what it's supposed to look like. So when with a beautifully breastfed body baby on breast, and everything's like, so pristine and glossy, where for me, it wasn't like that. It was really tough. I hated pumping.
[00:48:42] I hated breastfeeding. I wanted to love it. I hated it. And I ended up working with a lactation consultant. She was amazing. She said if you don't like pumping, just do it once a day instead of eight times a day. And that helped me immensely. So it was that, and then the colic and all this stuff was just like this anxiety volcano. I also had to change my diet because Aiden has a dairy and soy allergy.
[00:49:10] Lisa: I remember maybe a little more than a month after you gave birth, you reached out to me and shared that with me. And you were so sweet because you were offering to donate that to someone who needed it, which was such a thoughtful thing.
[00:49:23] Aimée: Yes. Thank you. Yes. Because I was pumping eight times a day. I had like this plethora of supply and can't use it because my baby's allergic to that milk now. So we were trying to find somebody to take it. But all of that being said, this life change of becoming a new mom is really amazing and wonderful and also the hardest thing. And I think that that's something that you can't really prepare for. I had no idea. I've always worked hard my entire life and I like take pride in that. And this is like another level and it's also dealing with a new human baby who can't communicate, can only communicate through his cries and you're just trying to figure things out.
[00:50:12] And so for a person like me, who's like, again, very type A and like I do my homework and then like, you know, I ace it. I ace the test. Not the case; not the case with a baby. There's no acing it; there's really none. You start to ace a little bit like diapering? Got it. Great. And then there's a huge blowout and it's all over the place.
[00:50:33] Lisa: Like happened right before this interview?
[00:50:35] Aimée: Exactly, literally. He's only, you know, 3+ months, we're still kind of like at that end of that fourth trimester. When I reflect on the last three months I ask myself and I ask all parents out there to give yourself so much grace to give yourself so much grace, and to be gentle, as gentle as you can be, because you're going to be rough.
[00:51:02] You're going to be rough on yourself, but to be as gentle as possible. Because you just need that. You are not only mothering this baby, you have to mother yourself, you have to parent yourself in a way, because you're learning this whole new skill that you have no idea about until you're doing it. And every baby is different because it's a human and every human is different and every relationship is different. So that's kind of something that I've learned through this journey.
I am strong physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually
[00:51:31] And then my other piece would be, if you are feeling depressed or anxious and you just don't know, to reach out for help, whether finding someone professionally, whether it being talking to your friends, whether it be talking to your family. Whatever is going to give you that comfort, it is so important. I think it's the number one role that any, especially a woman, that is feeling these feelings that help is there and to reach out for it, to muster whatever bravery or whatever strength you have and do that.
[00:52:06] Lisa: Thank you. Those are such words of wisdom. I really appreciate you sharing those things. I love that idea of giving yourself grace and being gentle with yourself. That is so needed in this journey into parenthood and being gentle with your partner as well, needs to be a two-way street. Right. And reaching out for help is so important. Thank you.
[00:52:28] Well, as we start to wrap things up, is there anything else that you didn't get to share that you would like to share?
[00:52:35] Aimée: You know, I think that one thing that I hadn't, hadn't really clocked was being a new parent in a pandemic. And what kind of category that is. So anybody that seeing or listening to this that's in this now and who is pregnant or is about to have their baby, or just had their baby to note that you are doing it and you're doing it well, especially during a time in your life and everybody's life.
[00:53:05] That is just so unknown. This unknown experience of pregnancy or labor or having a newborn it's so daunting, and it's so scary, but that you are doing it well. And the best thing again is to hold your love for yourself tightly, to call upon your partner, if you have a partner and again, friends and family. I think that that is the most important in any capacity that you can, especially during this time and also, you know, keep tender the fact that you are doing this and doing it well in a pandemic. It's wild. And to kind of keep in mind this hope for this greater future and for things to be opening up and for life to get back to normal with your new baby, which is really exciting. That's my last piece.
[00:54:05] Lisa: We need hope. Absolutely. Definitely gotta hold out the hope. Thank you, Aimée.
[00:54:12] Aimée: Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you everybody that's listening. Oh, perfect timing. This is my husband, Sean. This is Aiden.
[00:54:29] Lisa: So good to meet you Aiden. What a cutie. He does have a lot of hair.
[00:54:37] Aimée: Yes, sir. So he came out with a bunch of hair as mom did. And his name is Aiden, an Irish name for Sean's Irish roots means "little fire" as he is with his screams, and then Lyric for a song lyric, which is his middle name.
[00:54:58] Lisa: So good to get to meet him.
[00:55:01] Sean: What I love most about your classes, what I ended up learning about Aimée and about Aimée's body and what would be happening, you know, to it. And especially being there for the birth, being able to support her and help her through, you know especially through the three hours of pushing during this crazy time of pandemic. To see how incredibly brave and strong she was through all of this and just to see how it actually happens, how he came into this world.
[00:55:30] And then to hear him scream for the first time and hear everyone going, "Well, that's good. That's good. That's good. That's a good sign." And then to get to cut his cord and all that. And this is another thing also, seeing the placenta and how incredible of an organ, like you don't have that when you're born. Like you make that and he lived off that. And then to see it there, it was really fascinating. It was so fascinating just to experience every aspect of her birth. So I feel really lucky that I was allowed in, because I know some men earlier in last year were not allowed to be there, which is just-- yeah, that's a horrible, I just for the mother and also, I think for me not to be able to experience that would have been, you know, having experienced it I can't imagine not. So yeah. I just really thankful for that and you know I will never hold an ice cube in my hand the same way again, I will always be thinking of labor now.
[00:56:28] Lisa: I'm sorry.
[00:56:30] Sean: No, it's a good thing.
[00:56:32] Lisa: She told me you were the ideal students and you went home, not went home. You stayed home and did it more.
[00:56:37] Sean: I did, I did it on the wrist, I was like, "How much long or how much longer?" Did pretty well. But yeah, I just thank you again for everything.
[00:56:44] Aimée: Thank you so much; I mean, you changed our life in this experience beyond--
[00:56:48] Sean: Yeah. To learn all these things just, and to then find ourselves applying it, like, when she was laboring at home and those positions, and then, you know, like I remember towards later in the night, about four hours before we left, we got her on the yoga ball and all of a sudden she felt better and then got her in the shower and put some LED lights in there. And she stayed in there for 30 minutes. And I could just hear the sighs of relief in there through every contraction and just to be able to do it at home for that amount of time was an absolute blessing. And I'm just so thankful to you, to Bori who I'm sure she gushed about who was [an absolute star]. So yeah, we just we're really lucky with everything, you know, so thank you again.
[00:57:36] Lisa: Thank you. It's such an honor to know you and yeah, I can't wait to eventually meet you in person and hopefully get to snuggle your baby.
[00:57:44] Sean: Yes, he's a snuggler. Just you wait.
[00:57:47] Lisa: Bye.
[00:57:48] Aimée: Thanks, Lisa. Thank you so much.